All alcohol of all types is poison. It gives you nothing, and takes away everything. Whatever cravings or other thoughts you have about drinking are caused by alcohol (not personal flaws). It also caused all of the pain and problems that you have experienced. Whenever you think drinking might help you in some way, realize it will not.
I just had to give a short speech at work. It was the first time in a long time I have done that sober. I didn't do as well as the last time when I had several shots to warm up. My voice felt shaky and I don't think I came off very "cool". My wife was in the audience, and she said that I did great, just like always.
I sat down feeling super shaky and disappointed in myself. I thought a drink would help smooth this out. I really wanted a drink!
I pushed through and kept telling myself that the drink is poison. It will ruin my afternoon and probably tomorrow. Alcohol caused this problem and it is not going to make it better by drinking poison again.
Then I remembered that I had been drinking so much up until Monday that I had chronic stomach pains, bad ones. That pushed the thought of drinking even further away.