Take a pair of prison-issued khaki pants and cut off the legs as high as possible
Sew the bottoms up and line them with two trash bags
Pour two and a half gallons of water into each leg
Then add five pounds of sugar, five cups of diced tomatoes and one cup of tomato paste per pant leg. This is to help kick if off and make it turn faster
Wind the top of the trash bags together around a pen case—leaving an opening—as close to the liquid as possible, to let it breathe
Then you have to find a place to hang the bag. The warmer it is, the quicker the wine will cook. Behind the toilet, in the vent, in your locker—anyplace where it can sit unmolested for 12 days.
If you got a kicker, it will come back in six to nine days. Make kickers out of old potatoes, as well as tomato paste. Yeast is the best kicker option of all—but is very difficult to get inside.