yep, 10 years. it's been a tough year but an appropriately momentous year for me - I got laid off last year, started a new job just a bit over a year ago, did a reunion show with my old band (and talked to those guys most of whom I hadn't talked to since I was drinking my way out of the picture), did a big effort to get into shape before turning 40, turned 40, and now I've turned 10. Continued to keep two little kids alive. I feel like a year ago I was just trying to survive with a not yet 1 year old and coming through a big job uncertainty thing. but I've endured, as I always do, as I'm able to do as long as I keep controlling the controllables and doing the next right thing and doing my best to not worry about anything else - to give over all of the other worry to the vastness of the universe and focus on taking care of what is mine to take care of.
I've been very bad about going to meetings, it's been a while. But I went to a local group today and it felt good, I need to go more. I've made an effort this year to dig more into philosophy and self-improvement. It's made me realize how much I've picked up from the program even in its absence. And also how much I continue to find wherever I look that every big outcome is the result of hundreds of little compounding actions and habits.
Declaring defeat and ceding the battlefield to alcohol. Learning how to let go of things that are outside my control and let the universe do what it may, and learning how to build habits and processes around taking action on everything else. And doing that, over and over and over again and continuing to stack consecutive days and doing the next right thing and trying my hardest to deflate my ego. care for others, and keep pushing forward and breathe. I'm letting myself kinda stream of conscious a bit here because I'm tired and my brain is fuzzy but it feels appropriate and I'm realizing that I'm happy today - this was a goal. I thought about 10 years when I was at 10 days, and goal accomplished. It's been a good year. didn't think i'd make it here, and sure as shit didn't think I'd be where I'm at if I did.