I missed this. Quoting so maybe you'll see it. You need to do the fucking thing, man.
You're floating aimlessly because you're fucked up on substances and nobody can really aim all that well when they're fucked up on substances.
I'd love to talk at length about the purpose thing but really - there's no purpose dude. As a homo sapien your purpose is to get loved, make more, try and stay alive. As a tiny little speck of dust in the galaxy, if you think that there is a special purpose with your name stamped on it, you really shouldn't have any issue with the whole God thing in AA just so long as you can admit you ain't him. As someone who dreamed of being a rockstar and then wasn't, I'll tell you that the trap is not knowing what your new dream is and so doing nothing at all. Pay less attention to the destination and make sure you're going on a journey - move your feet, take the fork, keep moving, you'll get somewhere worthwhile. But not if you're all fucked up.
I'm spoilering the next bit because it's just a tired crazy longcat thing, like some guy giving a talk at a meeting with no prep or even narrative planned. I probably shouldn't even post it, I'm just kinda letting it out.