Wow. And to think that I HIRED South Austin when he was just a snotty-nosed kid with a fucking police record.
Subject: Performance Review Notification and Adjustment to Reporting Structure
Dear TreatyOak,
Following a recent review of your current performance and overall contributions, I regret to inform you that concerns have been raised regarding your ability to consistently meet role expectations and operational standards. These concerns have been brought forward by your new direct supervisor, @South Austin, who has expressed a high level of dissatisfaction with your recent output and accountability.
In response, and in alignment with our commitment to supporting employee development, you are being formally placed on a 90-day performance review period, effective immediately. The purpose of this period is to provide clear structure, regular oversight, and the opportunity for course correction.
During this time, the following changes to your responsibilities and communication protocols will be implemented:
You will report directly to Mr. South Austin and provide him with daily written updates outlining all work completed, work in progress, and next steps.
You are expected to prioritize cleaning and maintaining the company CyberTruck into your daily task list. This duty is non-negotiable and must be executed with attention to detail and consistency.
Any requests or assignments issued by Mr. Austin must be immediately added to your schedule and prioritized accordingly.
We expect to see marked improvement in productivity, communication, and ownership of responsibilities throughout this review period. Progress will be evaluated on a rolling basis, and failure to meet expectations may result in further disciplinary action, up to and including termination of employment.
Please acknowledge receipt of this email and confirm your understanding of the expectations outlined above.
Sincerely,
@'stache