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nnm

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by nnm

  1. 57 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

    The top of my mom’s chimney collapsed this morning while I was picking her up for church.  I was standing on her sidewalk and about half of what collapsed landed 5 feet behind me.  Now I have to climb up on her roof and clean the rest of it off and see if there is any roof damage and then find someone to come out and give me an estimate for rebuilding the chimney.

    image.thumb.png.6c2da8891a4ca43f7bc3ebe0aeceb5c1.png

    5EE81A8B-F073-446B-BE44-B9DCACB527E9.jpeg

    Not trivial. Or cheap. 

  2. On my run today on a small country road outside of Garden Valley, I happened upon an interesting exchange rate out here in East Texas. Apparently, one Budweiser, one Miller Lite, and one Twisted Tea are what it takes to make the panties fall off on a country road. 
    A4947E8C-62FE-40C2-8FC7-729444860C29.thumb.jpeg.056c0b3aab669ddd7eeb3eeab303e248.jpeg

    • Like 1
    • Haha 2
    • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
  3. 8 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

    I’m watching some TV while cleaning up kid shit in the living room last night. Wife is with the 2, 4.5yo girls on our bed playing. 

    I hear footsteps and my wife turns the corner with a pissed look on her face. My immediate thought is “Ugh, what have i done now….”

    Me: “Is everything OK?”

    Wife: “I’m fine. Don’t talk to me.”

    Me: “You sure? You sound upset”

    Wife: “YOUR daughter kicked me out of the fairy Forrest even though i was Queen and created the damn thing in the first place. It was MY fairy Forrest. I just can’t believe it, she obviously gets that from your side. I’m just not sure i can handle being in a house with 2 people who act so inconsiderate and just can’t sympathize with me after all the nice stuff I do and treat me like crap!”

    Me (calling from where i stood): “Daughter, did you kick momma out of the Fairy Forrest?”

    Daughter (who has no idea anything is wrong calls back): “Huh? No Dadda, I asked momma to get off the bed so i could make it nice for her because she is the best momma in the world and i love her and she is beautiful! Momma… where did you go??”

    Me: “Defiantly my side.” 

    Works even better with defiantly. Nice. 

    • Like 1
    • Haha 2
  4. 5 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

    Today it felt like I had the ball on the six inch line and the QB sneak kept getting stuffed.

    Wordle 232 6/6

    🟨
    🟩🟨🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
     

      Reveal hidden contents

    Train 

    Slime

    Still

    Shill

    Swill

    *****

     

    Yes, this was my problem too. 
     

    Wordle 232 6/6


    🟨🟨🟨
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟩
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    Spoiler

    3950BF9F-0F58-46C6-8DF0-468932AF9112.thumb.jpeg.b6c34d8fcab6c2247fbdce09102167f6.jpeg

    (That is the opener from @NeverMarryAStripper that I use occasionally)

     

    • Hook 'Em 1
  5. 4 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

    I've had a crick in my neck for about a week.  There's a knot about the size of my thumb where my neck joins my shoulder.  I can rub it and get the swelling down, which eases the pain, but it's back after about 30 minutes hurting like hell again.  Acetaminophen helps, but I am not going to take much.  I like my innards in good shape, thank you.

    https://www.amazon.com/Body-Back-Trigger-Therapy-Massage/dp/B0006VJ6TO/ref=asc_df_B0006VJ6TO/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198076816763&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17271589549667347462&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027107&hvtargid=pla-378796880293&psc=1#
     

    It works. Really, really well. 

    • Hook 'Em 1
  6. Y’all keep using the word “illegal.”  I do not think that word means what you think it means. NCAA rules on those issues are irrelevant now. And paying players certainly isn’t in violation of actual penal codes. 

  7. 3 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

    Today I get a phone call at work, from the wife. She is whispering and sounds a bit nervous...

    Wife: Did you just get home?

    Me: No, I'm at work.

    Wife: The alarm chime just went off on the door, someone is in the house.

    Me: Which door? (frantically pulling up my security cam footage)

    Wife: I don't know, I'm hiding in my closet.

    Me: I just checked every entrance, the cameras don't show anyone coming or going.

    Wife: Oh, nevermind....it was my Roomba.

    I came home one day about 30 years ago to find Mrs. NNM perched on the kitchen counter in our apartment, in obvious fear.  I don't know how long she'd been there.

    Me:  What's wrong?

    Her:  There's a mouse!

    Me:  Where?

    Her:  I don't know!  You can hear it!

    Me: 

    Her: 

    Something:  squeak, squeak!

    Me:  

    Her:

    Something:  squeak, squeak!

    I continued to listen and home in on the sound.  It didn't move.  It was coming from the counter! 

    It was the thermos-type coffee pot carafe.  Over the course of the day, the pressure had changed in the carafe as the coffee had cooled, and the rubber gasket was burping air in, creating a small squeak.

    Her:  tone

    • Hook 'Em 1
    • Like 4
    • Haha 4
  8. 1 hour ago, markstanco said:

    Bagmen still are very illegal, Big Red Auto hiring a QB in Norman is now legal. 

    Illegal?  How?  By being a breach of NCAA rules?  Excuse me while I chuckle.

    Now if you're saying it's untaxed compensation, and that the athletes and their benefactors may technically be in contravention of the Revenue Code, that's another story.  But just like with the NCAA breaches, someone's going to have to enforce that.  And again, excuse me while I chuckle.

    There are no rules.

  9. On 1/31/2022 at 12:01 PM, Superhero said:

    My son and I built a pinewood derby car a few weeks ago. And by "my son and I", I built the thing and he painted. the car (mostly).

    We didn't go to the race because I went to the football game, and he didn't want my wife to take him. One of the other dads raced the car for us and we did pretty good. 1st place in the first heat. Good enough on the second heat to make it to the boys "championship" where he placed 7th. The top 3 boys went on to race the top 3 girls. 

    This was his first time participating and we have several more years to go. Hopefully he'll get more and more involved in building the car and I can pull back and just give engineering advice.

     

    image000000.JPG

    In the latest move this summer, we found an old box into which my mom had thrown old childhood keepsakes. In that box was my one and only pinewood derby car. 

    My dad was a great man, who spent his life in public service, and helped countless individuals and communities in tangible, life-changing ways. He was not, however, a handyman. Strange, because grandad was a carpenter. That gene skipped a generation. 20162A22-77F7-4510-9D37-3675115B28C7.thumb.jpeg.4c7e62269af8ee5222bfb42ab69a0992.jpeg

    My derby car appears to be a door stopper, with holes drilled through it for the dowel axels, and wooden wheels. I recall being optimistic because I painted a lightning bolt on it and because we put the secret ingredient, graphite, in the axle-holes. 

    I also recall that we did not win. A single heat. Hell, looking at it now, I’m surprised it made it down the track. 

    • Hook 'Em 2
    • Like 1
    • Haha 2
  10. 1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

    Strange take. Inaccurate and untrue. It was just sound advice. 

    In fact, I did make a post about needing a new oven.  Your passive aggressive little sabotage slap looks even more odd when considered in that light.

     

  11. 7 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

    Yep.  The thoughts and the words can never be the same.  For example, when this happened:

    Words: “It’s ok sweetheart, I'm just glad you didn’t get burned and that I was able to put it out before it caught the rest of the house on fire.  I think we need a new toaster oven.  Why don’t you go shop for one while I clean these burn marks off the cabinets.”

    Thoughts: “YOU STUPID, CARELESS BITCH!  Wtf were you thinking?!?!  You almost burned our fucking house down with me in it over some shit that tastes like ashen dishrag.  Fuck me!”

    The pedestal the pussy is on in my world is very, very high.

    I like the causal flow from the penultimate sentence to the ultimate sentence.

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
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