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Scheiss Meister

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Scheiss Meister

  1. That would not be the best experience I've ever had at a gun range. Period.
  2. Fuck Russia, fuck Putin, and fuck this entire administration. May they burn in hell.
  3. Damn, somebody stole her bribe, I mean walking around money.
  4. I don't think that it would happen, but the possibility exists. So I always just pull for every UT team to win the last game of the entire season, including playoffs/tournaments.
  5. That climb will weed out the weak and frail. I am weak and frail. Aw HELL no!
  6. Liver and onions or kidney. Haven't had either since becoming an adult. I would rather eat a wish sandwich than either of those.
  7. Winning the last college baseball game of the year. But I knew what you meant.
  8. They are butt stuff. Well, stuff that comes out of a butt.
  9. Time for Texas to put a stop to that shit.
  10. Don't try that with an old veteran. They have more plain meanness than you think.
  11. Guy on third scores on the walk, guy on second steals home while guy on first steals third, pitcher's throw goes wide so guy on first takes home and guy who walked takes second.
  12. That's a blue heron. They're like raccoons; they'll eat anything they can catch.
  13. He didn't start the war, you orange buttplug!
  14. I was 16 and teaching swimming and boys sports in my hometown's summer activities program. One day one of my favorite swimming students was upset and not really participating in the class like he usually did. After class I asked him what was wrong and he confided in me that his mom had caught him taking money from her purse that morning and he was still smarting from the punishment. The next day I thoughtlessly needled him about it, including using the word thief. In front of the class. I knew that I had fucked up when he got pissed at me and stormed off, but not how badly. The next day his mom came up to me before the class began and told me that he wouldn't be back. She asked me if I realized that her son looked up to me and thought that I hung the moon until I said that, and that it hurt him so badly that he wanted to quit swimming lessons entirely. She then told me that he was in the car, if I wanted to apologize to him. I have rarely felt so low, nor given a more sincere and heartfelt apology. He didn't accept it, and I don't blame him. He did swap over to another swimming class and finished the summer program, so I'm happy for that. But I don't think that he ever forgave me. I know that I haven't.
  15. Almost sounds like every accusation is a confession.
  16. This is the kind of shit that gets people hurt.
  17. Not surprised at all to see Severn Trent there.
  18. The dog is the fourth one, and the only one that's permanent.
  19. The bar oil chamber on every chainsaw known to man has two fill levels: 1) is there even any oil in there? and 2) completely overflowing. There is no in between.
  20. Next come the championships!
  21. I have a tremendous fear of heights, but I would ride that multiple times. It looks like flying. The only thing that I'd be worried about is the T Rex or Pterodactyl coming out of that fog and snatching my tasty ass off that wire.
  22. Y'all is the contraction of ye all, not you all. In older English ye was the plural form of you, so y'all is plural.
  23. The TV Batman lunchbox was how I rolled up to Calk Elementary. Like a boss! Wait, weren't we talking about football practice? How's that going?
  24. I use mine all the time and love it. If it fits, it splits. Swinging a two or three pound hand sledge instead of a maul does less damage to my old shoulders. Of course, just like splitting with a maul, the better seasoned the wood is, the easier it is to split, some woods split better than others, and knots can be a pain, but I love mine.
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