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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. The first rule of Alcatraz is, we don't talk about Alcatraz. This is fancier than what I had: https://www.hobbylobby.com/crafts-hobbies/basic-crafts/styrofoam/3-in-1-hot-wire-foam-cutting-tool/p/80916662?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21086060082&gbraid=0AAAAAC-IqNxFm6Ny52X6ub33icciVoQub&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5ubABhDIARIsAHMighbV7iKEdAfQ8LBIr-CCT9oevflnW29Tq7K78jB7Ji76jnEaoYg6frcaAtS9EALw_wcB You could spend ten times as much for quality, but who wants to melt styrofoam the rest of their life? Just buy a cheap one, use it once, then forget where you put it.
  2. Made a true International Sale of Mystery. 92 cents popped up in my checking account from something called "Amazon Mexico," I was like what is this, some scam trying to get access to my account? Called the credit union, turned out it was legit. About 12 years ago I had set up various "print on demand" cartoons, and one "e-book" of cartoons that personally I wouldn't have paid for, and most people agreed. But now, somebody in Mexico bought a coffee cup or something. 92 cents is 18 pesos. That's a beer*. *en México
  3. My first infusion I was next to a lady from Mississippi who would have been picked to play Sympathetic Sassy Character in Movie Set in Mississippi. She was on the phone telling a friend about her platelet count, which seemed low, but she was taking it in stride like a dog had tee-teed in her petunias. My first thought was that I needed to be half as tough as little old ladies. My second was that I was glad to live maybe three miles from the clinic.
  4. I have made styrofoam terrain with a doohickey called a hot wire. It's literally a wire stretched between two prongs, insulated of course, and plugs into an outlet and the hot wire cuts through foam like the legendary hot knife through butter. Doesn't cause pebbles of styrofoam to pop loose like you get if you use a regular knife. I'd just give you mine if I knew where it was, but that'd require an expedition out of an Indiana Jones story. They probably sell them cheap at crafty/hobby stores. Ventilate the area. Melting styrofoam lets off used Love Doll fart funk.
  5. So you're saying 3/4 of Americans are fixin to starve.
  6. The first of many. Repeated gut flushings will have you looking like an extra from "300" with nary a sit-up. A few months from now strangers will wish they knew our health secret.
  7. Trick question-- if it's alive it ain't a zombie.
  8. I've got a failsafe answer to this one: If you can't shit, just plan your day around a long drive with no convenient bathrooms, no spare clothes, and whatever else your biggest fear is. Set forth confident that you can just "hold it in." Sometime soon after that, you will void yourself like dumping a garbage bag full of fresh fish guts.
  9. I'd write the letter for him, but his kids have to do errands for me (garden, remove wasps from neighbor's house, etc) and they better not fuck with my Gran Torino. But seriously, the dude would have to start wearing clothes I picked out for him.
  10. You are exactly one block from my glorious hippy shack of blessed memory. Maybe you can double up while you're in that hospital and get paid to have them slice off a pinky toe and then try to reattach it. $70 thousand boocoo 1990s dollars if you give it a go. I didn't do it, no ragrats. Seriously, that was where the medical studies paid $ to professional human lab rats to spend a few weeks in studies. I knew a girl who did that. (You could kinda tell she did.) Robert Rodriguez funded "El Mariachi" by participating in a study. He met the dude who played "Moco" in there.
  11. A while back at my house we were on a jag watching 1960s soap operas. There would always be a "Business Man" character, with some vague business that consisted on picking up a phone and yelling "Buy!" or "Sell!" You'd never know what they were buying or selling. But it must have made money because later on they'd show up with a lot of cash to take over a rival business. These shows would have been running while young Donnie was watching dad yell at the phone.
  12. I don't have to watch it, Dotty... I lived it.
  13. Dunno how the cancer chunks are taking the new drug (Welireg) but my kidney numbers have bounced back to where I strode the halls of the hospital bellowing laughter at the less fortunate like a Greek god.
  14. I didn't snipe British officers at Bunker Hill in a pre-vampiric existence just to hear some mediocre blood-bag bewail his misfortune at having to toss in some extra shillings to acquire one of vile Albion's musical-artifacts. Blind musicians suffering under Jim Crow managed to purchase or even make their own instruments. Go and do likewise you moon-calf.
  15. If they tell you you won the lottery, don't go in to pick up the prize. Sometimes that's just a trap to catch you on outstanding warrants.
  16. My first bought silver was high (about 36) but almost all of it since has been mid-20s. Complicated by selling a chunk years ago, rebuying it, selling again yadda yadda. All I know is I never sold it for less than I paid, though of course, breaking even after a couple of years is selling at a loss. The gold was probably 1600 average, with buys in the 1400 to 1800 range. $1600 is my "mental" gold price. Kinda doubt we'll ever see that again. Had a laugh this weekend at an art show, some of my best sellers were small sketches I knocked out maybe a year ago planning to use their sale to get an ounce of gold at maybe $2000. I got a heap more drawin to do.
  17. Non-Catholic here, but perhaps I earned an indulgence by haunting their Youth group as a gangly wee pup, my eyes on a Polish girl with a space between her teeth. Even hung around after that failed to launch, playing guitar in the Folk Mass (when in doubt strum A-minor) and sorta kinda snagging a different girlfriend except she seemed distant after walking in a room where I was giving a totally Platonic foot massage to a third young lady of the flock. And no, I have no designs on the Papacy. I have found my lane, to be a club-swinging Bishop Odo, perhaps modified for cultural reasons to a Buford Pusser whoopin stick.
  18. The above all sounds bad in English, but it'll be classier when they put it back into Latin.
  19. Don't underestimate him. On dry land he can charge as fast as a horse for short distances.
  20. You have a back-up New Zealand wife? Have they met?
  21. They could, and did. That's why we're not speaking Chimp now.
  22. The only Subway I like is a local one that let me, a non-customer, take a shit in their bathroom one night when I had explosive diarrhea. Bought a cookie on the way out, it was the classy thing to do.
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