We here at The Canecutter School do not lower ourselves to discussions of tuition, salary, or curriculum.
You know your child is a little monster. We know he's a little monster. The difference is, we are willing to put up with him, possibly.
Simply send what you feel is a reasonable gift to The Canecutter School. Allow 4-6 weeks for the cheque to clear, and for our private detectives to conduct background investigations into your particular Faulknerian House of Horrors.
If all works out for your child's acceptance, you will realize that when you find the little darling's chambers empty in the morning, possibly with signs of a struggle depending on how spirited the lad is.
For the next few blessed years you will know peace, with regular Christmas cards adorned in cursive that we beat into the little savage.
He will also learn horseback riding, fencing, and Latin. More importantly, he'll be gone.
When you do see him again, you shall behold a creature transformed. You may espy him torturing a mouse, or pushing a beggar off the sidewalk, but it's a small price to pay for the impression he makes at the club. Perhaps you think back to when you were writing the gift cheque, how for a moment you felt cheap, and almost left two zeroes off the sum. Ah, how fortunate that you did not.