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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. Drank "raw milk," hmm? Maybe. But it kinda looks like "Shh, Daddy's got a headache" to me.
  2. Son if you weren't all ate up with the DEI Woke Mind Virus, you'd know to say "With all due respect."
  3. I dunno, planted an oak tree in front of our old house when I was 5, watched it grow and always felt a connection to it. Tornados wrecked it a few years ago but before that, sometimes I'd swing down that street just to see how big it was. Then park, sit there, and watch the house while saying "tick, tock, tick, tock," no idea why it just felt right.
  4. Me llaman el desaparecido.
  5. How did my kids find me?
  6. Probably I felt the opposite because during one of my few Matamoros visits, I strolled alongside the river for who knows how long. When I get to NL, I truck due south onto the high ground. Maybe it's all about how much river you get close to. I did get a taxi ride in NL with a dude with a great mullet, excuse me, Los Bukis haircut. "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride" came on and he said it was his favorite song. I said "well if it's your favorite song, turn it up and let's sing it!" Windows down, we howled out "I'm WAWWWWNTED (wanted) DEAD OR ALIVE."
  7. In NL you briefly get the toilet stank right as you cross the river, then it's all dried fruit, AC blowing out of shoe stores, and motor oil from whatever that armored car is that has the big machine gun pointed south into town.
  8. So what do you do? Just slowly walk around with the shotgun?
  9. Bounty jumper! GG-Granddaddy Canecutter was a spy. Meaning probably more like a freelance scout. One day, up a tree with his horse tied up deeper in the woods, a Union patrol rode up and camped right below him. All night. He had to figure out how to pee silently against the tree, but he was a spy! Nobody saw him. Next morning they rode off, and he no doubt climbed down and puked, shit, and went blind. A while later he became a super-duper spy as in he vanished from the Confederate ranks as well. Stealthy, like. Climb your own damn trees, sir.
  10. I mean... if that's the girl..? You can leave my fingers intact, and they will never wander towards her sacred body.
  11. Elon's got naked dead-girl live-boy pics of all of them.
  12. Time well spent.
  13. Vance as Lurleen Wallace.
  14. Unfortunately the answer seems to revolve around whether you look Mexican-American (possibly get fucked with) or Euro-American (they want to sell you stuff but they don't need your senator fucking with business.) Yeah I know about the blond dude that cult killed. I don't really like Matamoros because I don't know it well, plus it seems sticky. Nuevo Laredo is usually where I cross. My first moves are usually: Buy a bottle of water from a drug store*, then find some dude looking to "guide" me (there he is, right on time,) I'll ask him to take me where they sell comic books (because I know exactly where the kiosk is, a little further in by the park.) I walk to this known spot with my guide/keeper-away-of-other-guides, thank him, ask him to please accept this 20 pesos already in my shirt pocket, then I dawdle, looking at old magazines and comics. Next up is to tip the halcones, who I suppose include the newspaper sellers and shoe-shiners. Have some polite interactions with them and a reasonable tip for a paper and a shine. Then maybe a stroll on Guerrero (?) to the nearest bus station. Stay tf outta bars or any place with girls outside yelling for me to come in. Find a really nice tour bus that has paid its dues to the cartels, and float in luxury to Monterrey. *dates back to my first visit to Mexico. Without the bottle, I am a hapless tourist wearing a sign that says "come annoy the shit out of me because of course I need 40 new hammocks." With the bottle (properly swinging inside the plastic bag) I don't know why, but the interactions suddenly change to normal.
  15. Stopping fentanyl is no doubt one reason those Mexican National Guard troops will be on the border. The main reason, if I guess right, is to have some units already in place just in case some American wants to go filibustero. Who am I kidding-- Trumpkins are scared if a car drives by playing Mexican music. They are not simply walking into Mordor Matamoros.
  16. When I'd read about the Spanish invading Mexico or Peru, sure there were some fights, but there were also stretches where the locals would just watch them come on in, doing little or nothing to stop them. I always wondered how that happened.
  17. I know things are moving fast, and I'm a multiply-concussed type of guy, but did I completely miss an Austrian Archduke getting shot or something?
  18. Too soon? Dunno. Slowly digging out long-abandoned beds in the rolling vastness of our back 1/3 acre. Very grassy, haven't planted there in 4-5 years. Idea is to then mix in black dirt from where I pile the dead leaves. I like to plant peppers, okra, and cherry tomatoes. Okra and peppers don't get messed with much by critters. Cherry tomatoes do, but they still leave plenty for me. For this year I hope to attain the dream of setting up stakes and cross-pieces like a giant model Man o'War, and let the tomato vines be the rigging. Going very slowly, partially to keep from jumping the gun and planting too soon, partially so I unfeeble my muscles at a non-painful rate.
  19. I joined Tribe Costco a few days ago. After going through belt-fed cheap tents at art shows, I sprung for one at Costco that's more expensive, but if properly described, better quality all around. It's wending its way around the tri-county listening area. We shall see.
  20. These poor fuckers are still trying to reason with Godzilla.
  21. Back during the Buy Moron project, I picked up WMT, MCD, and HOG specifically for that. Sold HOG when it went up 70%, kept the other two.
  22. There's almost a mental forcefield around UAB that keeps the banjos at bay. And by banjos, I don't mean actual banjos, which are cool as hell. I mean auto-tuned hot-pants cold-beer dirt-road mah-truck. Even a routine visit feels like just walking around a normal city, but off in the distance you'll hear raptors testing the perimeter. At this point, if it goes down, I feel like my best move is to sit up in bed, Jim Bowie style
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