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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. Welp. Mrs. Canecutter tested pos for Covid. I'll be next. This is like time 2 or 3 on the old original 3 shots. Wasn't planning on doing anything social before February anyway.
  2. Yep. Somewhere back in the First Crusade I was catching a ride with a friend. Car was full of his fencing equipment. His chosen placement for all his fencing foils was in the back seat, on top of our bags, pointed forward with the tips about level with the backs of our skulls. I was like, "Man? Maybe we could at least turn these sideways?" Him: "Why?" "What if we wreck into somebody? These things'll be like spears." "Well I'm not planning on having a wreck." Which relieved my worries no end. But I wasn't riding anywhere with steel spikes pointed at my brain, so with much put-upon huffing, dude disassembled his death-trap. And we didn't have a wreck, totally proving me to be a wet blanket.
  3. Well, you've got people with the talent, connections, and resources to go anywhere and do anything, and apparently they chose to repeat middle school.
  4. Bear down on it, Brah. Make a crazy Viking goal, announce it, conquer it.
  5. TIL that "honorable" means whatever you want it to mean. Somewhere, Ala. Rep Mike Rogers is flinging his hair piece like a midshipman's cap.
  6. I was fencing until the pandemic. About 20 years older than the seasoned adults, 40+ years more than the mobs of pretty-good high school/college kids. You had to use your brain. So at the start of each tournament round, when you'd shake hands, I, graybeard, might hunch over a little extra, maybe wheeze out a "let's just have a good fun match," sort of slouch back, put on mask and get in a stance. And the EXACT SPLIT SECOND the judge said "fence," leap through the air and stab em in the face. Damn it felt good to be a gangster.
  7. In my case that was burning oregano the dude on the stoop told me was weed.
  8. Bless you, Sir! I'll do my best to make you ragret that.
  9. Farther upthread there was a mention of people being dumb.
  10. As your attorney I advise you to rehab a banana boat and refit it for passenger service. You could carry a dozen+ passengers AND a load of Chiquita bananas because you yourself are the doctor the Man requires to have on board for such a case.
  11. Sounds cold. Goes in the North Dakota category for me Dawg.
  12. Yeah, a friend used to say I was living like Hemingway. I thought he was complimenting me. I just now realize he meant I was a drunk.
  13. Not super-familiar, but will give it my best: Ohio: I would eat White Castle and join a club who work on model train sets. Michigan: I would do my Han Solo Mexican Border Smuggling, except with something in Canada. Or that I'd take that thing to Canada. Illinois: Listen to inlaws gripe about cold and wind. No wait, that'd be me. Ride actual trains. Wisconsin: I would get free beer from people when mentioning my dad played high school ball catching Bart Starr passes. Would gradually start talking like an elf, like they do. Minnesoooota, Dakotas, etc: No. Just no. Yeah maybe. Probably no.
  14. I spent a relatively mild winter in France, and the lack of light had me holed up in cafes staying drunk just to be around warmth and people. If I'd been farther east in Poland, I'd have needed an IV.
  15. Time spent on recon is never wasted. Walking is the Fountain of Youth. I should walk more.
  16. When I last worked in a convenience store, we'd play "spot the smoker" as people pulled up. Gray-skinned hunchbacks with pissed-off expressions = 95% hit rate. On Broke Friday it was "Lemme git summa them Basics."
  17. And kick cigarettes, and you can afford a nice clean house in Colima a short bus ride from the beach. Not to mention you can stop planning your day dodging into convenience stores all cramped over like a wounded lich-king who's suffering from a preventable crisis while croaking out "Gimme a carton of them Marlboro Reds" with a growly vocal affect like you're trying out for a speaking part on a Sons of Anarchy remake, mannnn.
  18. I see me and Barney leaning up against the alley wall, sharing the paper bag bottle like best of friends.
  19. He actually seems pretty decent as an announcer. Maybe he has a future outside of politics. He speaks well, doesn't look any a whole lot weirder than anybody else on TV, and the teens love him.
  20. I know I kinda snarked about it upthread, but I admire anybody trying to get in better shape. That said, 100 pushups at a time without getting VA benefits? I mean, sure, do it once to prove you can, but your non-18-year-old joints might prefer 4 sets of 25 or somesuch. [I never completed or started training in physical therapy.]
  21. Wrong calendar.
  22. It had to happen. So that you learned. Me my missed moment was not meeting and hanging out with a friend-of-friend's folksinger daughter 5 minutes before she hit it big on college radio. Suzanne Vega. That was back when I was a cute young tadpole not an old toad. Doot doot doot doot, doot da doot doot, doot dot doot doot doot da doot doot.
  23. All I know is one of my best friends was obsessed with her. She was his second big crush. (First one was Kim M. who worked in the Karmalkorn in the Selma Mall, look on their works, ye mighty, and despair!) Dude was bad gone. He finally got him a New Orleans girlfriend who looked like her. Then at his accounting job his crooked bosses and crooked "friends" pressured him to do dishonest stuff, and he snapped. Started hearing demonic voices, couldn't work. But then he had a second act, because he had plenty of Alpha left in him-- he became President of the Hearing Demonic Voices Society, and would travel the country leading meetings and helping people. But then the alcohol got him. I'd get a call from some shitbox motel on Southside and go take him a sandwich, He'd be sitting there, skinnier than I last saw him, a couple of empty handles of vodka and one almost full that he'd just give to me. I'd take him to the hospital, a rehab, sometimes my house for a meal. Repeat in a few weeks. Dude was never fat and he turned into a stick. We had a falling out after I bumbled a "scare you sober" attempt. Last time I saw him was at a 4th of July party. Got a call saying he loved me. Then he died in a Bessemer halfway house. I drank free vodka for a couple months after that. Drank it straight, out of coffee cups.
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