RDCanecutter

THAT'S THE LIE THEY SPOON-FEED US, SHEEPLE!

How much do you pay for almost-sober semi-retirees to accost passerby while wearing a sandwich board touting your wares, Sir?

GOOOOOL

Sounds like the kid skipped a couple of grades.

"Vouz avez un nez... très grand." [I fucked up. Start it at 1:50.]

Everything sounds great in a Mexican radio announcer's voice. Those motherfuckers love life, every word hitting like fresh rivets from a dude who just found out his 20-year-old mistress is going to name her baby after him and this one will bring him pride, hombre, not like that slacker poet gorducho ese sitting on the sofa at home playing sus bloop bloop bloop videojueguiiiitos to' el pinche día weyyy. Yeah. So when I taught Spanish, and Tyler and Kendra would mope through their readings, I'd stop them, and ask them to get in touch with their inner Mexican radio announcers. Dunno if it helped, but at least I was less bored.

My Texas brethren, after growing up in the almost most retarded state of Alabama (Thanks Mississippi, now jump for the cookie-- GOOD BOY) I need to tell you, you never wanna go full Abbott.

You want bottle of water? Smash store window. Looted store is empty, and you still want water? Advance to next town.

My wife and I were staying at this campground up in the hills. There was an RV near us with "just married" stuff painted all over it. Every morning I'd be outside drinking coffee, and I'd see this little dude get out of that RV, carrying fishing gear, and he'd walk down to the lake to fish. He'd fish all damn day. Every day. After about three days of this, we were wondering what kind of honeymoon that could be. So me, not having any shame, the next morning I went up to him at the water's edge, and spoke. Me: You like fishing, huh? "Yep yep ah lahk fishin." And you're on your honeymoon? "Yep yep honeymoon wife's the purtiest gal you ever done seen." So, yeah... so, why aren't you spending more time with her? "Wif her? Like, why?" Well, for sex, man! "Aw, SEX! HAHAHA aw naw we cain't do that raht now she's all ate up wif the gonorrhea." Aw fuck, sorry I asked-- "And they's no ways to do the back door, cuz she's all afflicted turrible with the diarrhea..." (gag) "And ah cain't git no blow-job cuz she's got the pyorrhea, gums all ate up lahk a zombie movie..." Gotdammit man, why'd you even marry a woman like that? "Oh that's easy," he said as he baited the hook, "She's got worms."

It's like a hot wind on your shoulder, coming in from a world that is older.

I am pretty comfortable with a former coup-plotter further alienating the Army.

Back when I was living in bars, the Freddy Frats would use "fight" to mean "boxing match." My bouncer friend used "fight" to mean "I agree to a boxing match, and when you turn to walk outside, I smash a bottle on the back of your head." Bars were fun.

I would be too tempted to walk around screaming.

What's the Japanese name for it? I wanna order some fireworm sushi.

How bout them compression socks? You're ridin the pain-killer train and them dang ol socks keep a zhushin and a pushin, man. Also, for when you go home, if you have a bouncy dog who's glad to see you, sleep with a pillow over the incision.

I would like to buy bugs, mold, and mildew that contain no meat. Please advise.

The simplest solution I can think of would be to ignore the wiring, and replace the TV with a large painting of some favorite moment in sports. That feeling is what you're looking to recapture every time you watch a new game, and let's be honest, they usually disappoint. So go for a 100% chance of happiness with your favorite sports painting. Maritime plywood oughta do the trick. I would not frame it or otherwise cover it, because june bugs will get up inside it, try to eat their way back out, then die.

So, when absconding, bribe the tolltag company intern.

Wash bucket and clothes line ftw!

Let's not mock science.

Or why wait that long? #naturesozempic

Mrs. Canecutter has ignored all Wisdom of the Tribe, and has her heart set on some sort of LG dryer-stacked-on-top-of-washer creation. I am reduced to brute labor shoveling a small mud slide away from the basement door we don't use but that the washers will move through. Guess I need a dolly or a burro or Pyramid builders or whatever.

I expect to see her in a Sovereign Citizen arrest video soon.

(Napoleonic) Code is Law.

AnYtHiNg fOr SaLiiiNaSSSS.