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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. It's not my fault he abandoned me. Also, the lock on the liquor cabinet was broken when I found it.
  2. When I'm breaking into your Texas house I'll try to set it up for you.
  3. Next time, for only $250, I will pretend to be your vet. Anyway, the dog is completely normal. Didn't droop or get hyper. We ate leftover turkey together and watched Ohio State cast paralysis spells on Tennessee.
  4. For the Texas-Clemson game, instead of beer I took whatever insulin dose the numbers called for, then grabbed 1/3 of a shrinkflated Snickers Bar (est 17g) to enjoy it over 4 hours nibbling while listening to the game on a clock radio because our entertainment system is stalled out like a Tiger tank in a tar pit. All was good, no "popped eyeball" high blood sugar symptom. Then I remember I forgot to take my Prednisone, the whole thing that once I take it all maybe my kidney heals and I get off this insulin. Alright already. Get back upstairs, and my feral Chihuahua is acting like a failed silent film star in an opium den. She got into my last smidge of Snickers Bar. I snatch the remnants of the candy intact out of her gullet. There wasn't much left for her to eat, like a finger-tip joint size nub. I am guessing maybe a gram or two was chocolate, and it's crappo waxy American chocolate so actually less than that. I'm like "What the hell's the matter with you, dog? You're not supposed to eat chocolate." "You ain't shposed eat chocolate either motherfucker," she astutely ripostes Tried contacting various money-extraction machines, I mean, vets. Then I'm like "she eats full candy bars worth of cat shit logs and is still here, harden the fuck up Australia." Now she watches me, and I watch her.
  5. How much did they get for him, what was their approach and technique, and would they apprentice a gringo assistant because all the gringos trust the gringo...
  6. Well it's not as if the ruins are going anywhere.
  7. Counterpoint: somewhere a screen printer is putting his kids through college thanks to Aggroid buying up 9/10 of all the SEC stickers.
  8. We have reconnaissance results. I went to nearby furniture restorer I know, and he took me into the shop section and gave me a Welcome-to-the-Matrix 5 minute condensed do and don't of restoring basics. Saved me from ruining something, and now I know Kung-Fu. Got some Howard Neutral Restor-A-Finish and some 4x0 steel wool. Dude said I could keep it really simple and basically just carefully clean the pieces. He didn't commit to a value for the table, said it was a shame I only had 3 of the leather seat chairs because they look like actual antiques, and with 4 chairs I got a dinette set, 3 chairs I got dick. For the two fabric seat chairs I said I'd be happy for $30 each. He told me to list them at $75 each.
  9. I just got home. Somebody shoot me the link to watch online? Thanks. Fuck Clemson.
  10. But for whom? For all we know, Elon cloned some of Trump's cells and has grown a living Trump mask that he dons and practices talking through in the mirror.
  11. Lookin to warm up by the 27th, but of course some showers.
  12. Finally got the car unloaded. My first thought is that if I want to keep doing this, I need to jump back 20 years in time and get a big-boned girl pregnant so I can have a 19-year-old Offensive Lineman on call to help me for "free." Second thought is that I either got snookered or got a treasure. Maybe a little of both. Table's nice, but not near as old as I assumed. OK. But then I google the Henkel-Harris company and find the same thing offered for a highly-aspirational $7K. I have also seen bog-standard pocket change offered on eBay for $99, so I doubt that. Keeping the eye on the donut, our goal is maybe a few hundred profit, so I think I still got a shot. 2 fabric-seat chairs are solid but Hickory Chair Manufacturing Co seems widely available. Seeing as how I got them for maybe $10 each, I like my odds. Three remaining leather-seat chairs seem older, but going off my appraisal track record, wtf do I know? There was a 4th one but her boyfriend sat in it and broke it. I asked for pieces to repair it, but long gone. She says she thinks they were old Sears & Roebucks issues and are plentiful, me I got no earthly. Leather buttons missing on all. I have crafty wife who'll know how to fix that.
  13. Not bad. Extra credit if it's his grandaddy's last name so he's carrying it around like a geneological signpost. His girlfriend will be some variation on Mary Margaret Claire duBose Honeycutt (extra names depending on how short she is.)
  14. Well he didn't get to 91 being no dummih, obviously.
  15. For a serious answer to your original question, looks like your answer is to acquire a bunch of fives, and give 1 or 2 of them out as the spirit takes you. Extra cred if you fold them inside your hand and give them out as a handshake like a Big Cigar buying Bear Bryant another running back.
  16. I ate so much venison one year in college that I almost started rubbing my head on trees. Made some into meatballs for a Rotary party at the International House. Told the exchange students they were "Deer Balls."
  17. I gotta get me one of those binocular-shaped thermoses.
  18. Hit 500 days yesterday on Duolingo Scottish Gaelic. I don't know where this mysterious focus came from-- usually before I'd have fun learning some language for a couple of months, then flit off elsewhere. Thought I wasn't learning much. Then had lunch with my uncle, who doesn't speak any Gaelic but was interested. He starts quizzing me, and in spite of myself I was able to pop off translations for him.
  19. I am no college counselor, but I did used to run a 1-credit-hour College Orientation course when I was teaching. It was ten weeks of variations on "Show up. Show up. Show up." Kid shows up, you got a dinette set. They don't, you got dick.
  20. My Danish mother-in-law's dad was a German who gtfo of Germany between wars, found work and pretty wife in Denmark, and got citizenship there, which saved his life. After the Krauts invaded, and after they started drafting their own people to the Eastern Front, in split-personality Natsy-fashion they tiptoed around the Danes because in their thought patterns the Danes were more of whatever it was the Germans wished they themselves were. Until he got betrayed by an informer for hiding a resistance fighter. Then it was off to Peenemünde to labor in Dr. Werner von Braun's slave empire. Except then the RAF, in all its wobbly-toothed glory, bombed the living fuck out of the V2 launching pads, and also burned up lots of the records. Including my mother-in-law's dad's records. [pause for drums and bagpipes] So then, because the Germans, though shitheel bastards, were very correct shitheel bastards (with Danes,) and no longer had his case on file, They just let him go. They probably shot lots of the others.
  21. And puts the tools back where they fucking go, and doesn't leave wet grass all up inside the lawnmower.
  22. That was my late Danish mother-in-law's standard comment about Swedes. The "Svenska etc" one. Not "Dude, my mother's dead, you prick!"
  23. Svenska djävlar.
  24. It's not their fault you launched into a spree of hookers, pet monkeys, and blow. [serious]Glad you're OK.[/serious]
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