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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. He got that finger up doin that Allahu Akbar thing.
  2. My hands-on Auburn knowledge ended one night in 1987 as I drove away up 280 while a DJ friend at the college radio station played multiple U2 songs in my honor. I was working in Auburn. If I wanted to be an engineer or a vet, it'd be a good student choice. Current football team? Maybe the pay is good. But Freeze and hoes? My guess is flip a coin, and keep flipping it until it comes up positive.
  3. Well, the backup kicker from Birmingham Southern was probably happen to transfer to a school that hasn't been shut down.
  4. Baptists and other such types long ago learned to give me some quiet space.
  5. Good place. Reminds me of an English-speaking France for how people live life. Plus being non-native I could pass through the mental force-field that doesn't allow Virginians and Marylanders to visit each other. Me I always get along great farther NE with the vinigary sassiness of New Englanders, and didn't mind (a few days) of the Winter. Main drawback is getting older and slipping on ice, plus my artist friends there seem to have fewer opportunities than I do in Bama.
  6. None of them. The wives, that is. Don't have time to monitor the car decorations of the concubines.
  7. That's not completely untrue, nor is it a complement. Some flat-out freaks in those sagas, Trump and half of Trumpworld would fit right in.
  8. Mexico and a VW van. Or Pennsylvania and a creeper van.
  9. Why does your brother hate Texas and Victory in WWII.
  10. Yeah, I think my destiny is to find refurbished 90s and aughts cars when mine gives out, or move someplace with better public transportation.
  11. It's like crack rock.
  12. Yeah, he waybettered that kit. The box photo looks like a toy, but I can smell the oil and sealife coming off his finished version. Looks like something Humphrey Bogart would be riding to Tampico. Good stuff.
  13. Trucks are awesome when they are dusty and battered and have a functioning tool box and some pipe rolling around the back, and maybe a dirty coffee cup holding down a couple of invoices on the dash. The "want a luxury truck" gene skipped me. If I were to blow 75K, it'd be for a vacation shack down in some bayou, and a bad-ass motorcycle to ride there.
  14. When I was in CS I spent my spare afternoons busting loose for Snook or Caldwell or Yankee's Tavern.
  15. I actually had that, I was a kid at Easter 1966. I had a cooler suit, Mom was prettier, and Dad looked like a cleaned-up pirate. It's a cool memory of creeping around Gramama and Grandaddy's yard snatching up candy contained in plastic eggshells, but not sure I'd wanna do that as a job. I do miss British go-cart "sports cars," interesting ash trays, days spent on the floor building a Lego/Lincoln Logs/Tinkertoy empire, comic books that were aimed at kids instead of neck-beards, and jangling British Invasion guitars, but neither party even hinted at bringing those back.
  16. I mean, if we're gonna talk Sharts in France, I have a story, but it's from 2002 so doesn't belong in this thread.
  17. Dunno if it's plastic modeling, but my mind snapped and I cleaned out the local hobby shop of all their 1/72 Civil War soldiers. Currently gluing them onto pennies. Maybe try the out with a good beer-n-pretzels rule set like The Sword and The Flame. Or have them fight dinosaurs and Martians.
  18. It's a trick. You're supposed to delegate some of that.
  19. We're not talking about some guy who built the railroads, Walter.
  20. I assume you're writing this with a stool super-shart-glued to your ass?
  21. It wasn't really a shart last night at 3:30 am. More like I auto-piloted to the toilet, and regained consciousness to see that someone had hired a toothless Aggy to gum on several pounds of those Brach's sort-of-caramel chewy candies and spit them into the toilet bowl until, like an Icelandic volcano, they added new dry land to our world. Two flushes still left chunks. Crawled back up stairs like an evolving tetrapod, and lay there for about two minutes trying to will that new pressure into being a mere fart. At the last moment made it back to bathroom and blew out a normal shit. Today at work I fortified myself with fiber and strong coffee. Felt some pressure but figured I could handle 15 minutes on Interstate. BWAHAHAHAHA Wasn't even time to pull off to a gas station. The Shart hit hard and it hit fast, like my dog pouncing on and shaking a stuffed toy. I had two jobs: Shit, and Stay in my lane. I did both. The remaining miles, and incredible number of contractions, gave me time to plan my reentry into human society. I wheeled into the drive, and Lovely Wife and Adoring Puppy came out the side door to greet me. I was "Everybody Back Inside, Unlock the Back Door, and Lay Low." She knew what was up. Peeled off shoes and new socks before the ooze could creep down to them, rolled up legs of jeans really tight, wrapped up in barely damp seat-towel (I ain't no rookie) and staggered in through the back deck. Achievement Unlocked of toe-stepping drip-free into the spare shower. Lovely Wife tossed empty bucket into the shower behind me, whence I shed unbeshittened garments to safety whilst peeling off jeans and boxers into the rapidly filling bucket, having first slid my arms up to the shoulder inside the chunky jeans to turn them inside-out. While I was doing all that, I was still shitting. Just kept directing the shower head at whatever fresh hell shot out my ass. That was about an hour ago. I am clean and dry now, but still sitting on the toilet, waiting.
  22. One good side effect of that would be no longer having to hear somebody say "I work at a NON-PROFIT..." trailing off to imply "I'm not a money-grubber like you. I have ideals."
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