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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. RDCanecutter
    Did you yell at them in English? You have to yell at them in English.
  2. RDCanecutter
    There's a woman broken down in Ohio who might be appreciative of some truck repairs.
  3. RDCanecutter
    Hawaii? Good, add Hawaii to the list of places we invade and annex. And make sure kids learn history and geography in school.
  4. RDCanecutter
    I could speculate about flavorings, but I'll just stop at the ear wax.
  5. RDCanecutter
    When I want to save money, I just use the credit card. That way it's free.
  6. RDCanecutter
    Most "chocolate" candy bars are made out of ear wax.
  7. RDCanecutter
    I like y'all, but damn if y'all ain't some worrisome over-thinkers. So what if coffee and mangos don't grow well in the USA? The USA used to expand, and it can do it again. I'm talkin LAND-GRABS, son. Let all those Marines training at 29 Palms get some REAL training, secure the port of Manzanillo. Then some Army boys oo-rah their way up to Comala for coffee (and some surprisingly good bread and cheese,) while another division locks down the avocado plantations of Guerrero. If the Mexican Military says boo, supplement their cartel bribes to look the other way. Repeat for any other product we desire, Make the new zones "territories" with lenient immigration policies for people wanting to work in them. Mango?
  8. RDCanecutter
    But but we have a house in Cabo-oo...
  9. RDCanecutter
    My hearin's gone, son, so I missed all of that. Got you down as eligible to vote.
  10. RDCanecutter
    This is just the first wave. Most of them will be in their jobs a few handfuls of Scaramuccis, just long enough to vanity-publish a book.
  11. RDCanecutter
    Could your grandaddy vote? Then you can vote, and cain't no outside agitator take that from you.
  12. RDCanecutter
    I thank ye kindly but I move around too much in my bidness to settle down in one spot. My bidness? Tallow candles and fire insurance. This old warehouse, dry as a tinderbox. Reckon you're caught up on fire insurance?
  13. RDCanecutter
    I have no urge to battle past radio station security with my pants around my ankles and my thang whipping around spraying everything.
  14. RDCanecutter
    We're not helping these children if we throw excessive money at them. $5/day is more than sufficient if you provide them with barracks, meals, and clothing from the company store.
  15. RDCanecutter
    Thanks to RFK Jr, Birmingham Talk Radio today is 1/10 anti-big-pharma and 9/10 totally morphed into Organic Hippy Buy From Local Farmers, with a twist of doing whatever we need to do to make the tomatoes taste as good as the do in Italy. I have one eyebrow raised.
  16. RDCanecutter
    This is gonna play hell with the Shoot Yourself In The Toe industry.
  17. RDCanecutter
    Total control of an Empire of Beige McMansions. Whoop!
  18. RDCanecutter
    Britt is Officially Disliked by Magatrons and Trumpanzees because of her Shelby lineage. (Richard Shelby, last human senator from Alabama, who publicly wrote in a vote instead of voting Roy Moore, and encouraged others to do the same. Never mind that Shelby brought all kinds of jobs to the state-- they hated that too.) Instead of trying to act like Shelby Jr., Britt has tapped into a 19th century Theatre handbook on conveying weeping courage fit to rend the audience's heart. Or maybe it's her AI programming confusing all human signals at once. If so, Scary Puppet Loomer best take care lest machine guns and flame throwers pop out of Britt's Fembot titties.
  19. RDCanecutter
    #1 all the way. It's the plan with the fewest moving parts and is direct and simple. (For max funkiness, don't even repaint the replacement door or quarterpanel.) This car has saved a life and deserves to live, and will gratefully give you 300,000 miles if you believe in it.
  20. RDCanecutter
    I wanna be that fix-it dude who goes over fences and through windows. You know not to put me on payroll, just send a package to a p.o. box every now and then with whatever you think is fair, and a burner phone with one number for me to dial.
  21. RDCanecutter
    The psychiatrist used the term "ticking time-bomb" but I like the way you said it better.
  22. RDCanecutter
    Yep. We did a minstrel show too, 3rd or 4th grade. Somebody had sense enough to rule out blackface. I didn't get to do the intricate tambourine knee and elbow routine, but I can still remember the mournful swell of Cotton Needs a Pickin... So BAAAAD..." Then I would go home and hide behind the baby-sitter's chair while she watched Dark Shadows because that skull with eyes freaked me OUT.
  23. RDCanecutter
    I got news for you, I prayed, in a no-fucks-given public school system, and we also had a nice lady come around and tell Bible stories with cut-out figures that would cling to a felt board. Then we were allowed to draw Bible scenes, so I busted out a magnum opus of Samson holding a Philistine soldier by the neck and smashing his skull with the jawbone of an ass. It was way better than my rather pedestrian drawing of Moses murdering the Egyptian slave-driver. The other kids that day drew floating basket baby Moses n stuff. Naw.
  24. RDCanecutter
    Just tell her, if she's gonna tase somebody, just tase them. Don't stand there giving a speech like a Bond villain.
  25. RDCanecutter
    I would put the southern "dueling culture" US states as the northern-most edge of South America But Settled By English. When I lived in Mexico I was getting along GREAT because it was like they'd taken my extreme Deep South hometown and recast it with Mexicans for a Televisa version. It was the same machine once you sat down to drive it. Northern US was all upstanding until they started showing "The Sopranos." Federal Government (for my whole life so far) has served the role of the Spanish Visitador that you call on to root out the worst of the good-ol-boyism. Shomari Figures out front shoulda told ya. You have to keep them on speed-dial, one visit doesn't do it.

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