So...I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD. I'm an Army veteran and was involved in some very heavy combat in Iraq. For a decade I've considered myself lucky so I never sought any help. So many of my friends from those days lives have completely fallen apart. Suicide, Alcoholism, drug use, divorce, prison, all around failure in life, etc. I'm fairly successful and still am married to the same woman. Have two kids who think I'm great. What is there to complain about? I was also one of those guys who considered admitting I have an issue showed weakness.
Anyway, my wife has long told me I'm a recluse and not the same person she married. She still stands by me and we hardly even fight. I feel really lucky. I was one of the most outgoing people you could meet in my youth. I didn't join until my mid twenties so I had lived a little bit before going off to war. I loved being around people and loved hanging out with friends. I had a large group of friends and my time off was full of plans. I truly enjoyed a night out with friends and being in public.
However, I know the way I live currently isn't "normal". I don't ever want to go into public outside my job. My job requires me to be a "social butterfly" and I excel at it. It's the weirdest thing, when I'm at work, I never have an issue with anxiety. I simply do my job.
However, I don't go out to eat. I don't have close "friends". I don't do much of anything. When I'm feeling particularly angry, I shut myself in my room and immerse myself in sports or whatever. I intentionally make my schedule so that I have at least a day or two per week where nobody is home during the day but me. It's sad but I often avoid my own family and kids.
I have incredible guilt over certain incidents during a deployment. I find myself angry fairly often and that's why I shut out my family and the public so often. I have extreme anxiety in large groups and refuse to go anywhere without a gun because of irrational fear.
When I'm driving I often forget where I'm going and find myself 5 miles past turns in towns I've driven most of my adult life.
I feel so relieved that I've sought help finally. A huge burden has been lifted off my chest. I truly hope now that the VA has found a service connection and confirmed PTSD I can find some peace and return to "normal". Through either medication or counseling. For the first time I'm finally ready to heal.
I know these issues are small compared to many on this thread. I use to read it on the other site and it helped my in some ways. I appreciate all you guys and sharing your stories and pain. I truly believe it helped me reach out finally.
Cheers