Yesterday was a day filled with the entire emotional spectrum. We received our new puppies and the joy they brought us from the first time we saw them filled our hearts. Watching the brother and sister run around the yard playing put smiles on both of our faces. To know they will be our responsibility gives us both a sense of responsibility and purpose which being a good pet owner should have. Both of us have long term sobriety and they will never see us drunk nor want for anything in terms of their care.
About an hour later, my daughter in law in California called and was crying hysterically. She was able to tell me that my son Clark was gone. I asked her what she meant, and the replied "He is dead. I can't wake him up, he is cold and not breathing. I called 911 and they are coming." Clark has been an addict since a teenager, been in treatment several times, and had never been able to overcome his clinically diagnosed depression. For the last six months he has been abusing nitrous oxide and slipping deeper and deeper into the abyss. His wife had to leave the house Friday night because he was off the rails and abusing her emotionally. When she returned on Saturday, he had died.
This morning through my tears, I chaired the 7am zoom meeting for my group. I spent the better part of yesterday calling members of my group and telling him my son had died because without help, it is too much for us. God provided His angels yesterday through the phone and this morning at the meeting. Though my heart is broken, it shall be mended by the process of living life one day at a time, practicing the principles of recovery, and helping another alcoholic who is seeking a way out from under. I have learned that rather than drinking or doing other things to change my feelings, I can feel them instead, even when I wish I didn't have to. Clark is no longer suffering and is free from the bondage that kept him in pain for so long. The last words we said to each other this past Wednesday were "I love you and can't wait to see you again." Soon and very soon, this to shall be. One day at a time, very soon.