ETB - I appreciate your openness in this thread. A couple of thoughts, with perhaps some questions because I didn’t go back to re-read anything:
1. The church your wife and family attend has already restored the pastor who had an affair with your wife to his role as lead pastor? In a matter of weeks? Titus 1:7-9 - 7 For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. 9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Marital infidelity with a married woman puts a person well outside of qualified to lead a congregation. That is often a transgression that will never restore someone to pastor. The restoration process simply to congregant (typically at another church) is a long exercise in humility and biblical counseling. You need to run (not walk) from that church. No idea where you live but if you’re having trouble locating a solid church, I’m sure folks here can point you to one.
2. As a follow to the above. Your children are minors that live in your household? Do they know what has happened? If I have the facts correct, they shouldn’t be anywhere near that church (and neither should your wife). You are the spiritual leader of the household and ultimately have the responsibility for the teaching your family is getting. If you get pushback from the in-laws, point them to the passage above and many others that discuss the qualifications for the role of pastor and ask them if that is really the type of pastor to whom they want to submit to their teaching. If their answer is yes, I suspect there are other motives for their loyalty to this church/pastor.
3. Really glad to read you are attending biblical counseling. Definitely would encourage you to continue that
You are going through quite the trial. I’ll end my lengthy post with James 1:2-4 - 2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.