The Onion is on point, once again:
Mitch McConnell: βGet Your Crying Done Now Because Weβre Not Passing Shitβ
WASHINGTONβIn a press conference addressing the community of Uvalde, TX, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell reportedly urged those affected Thursday to get their crying done now because he wouldnβt be passing shit. βGo ahead and shed some tears, trot out the families of the victims, do whatever the fuck youβre going to do, and then weβre going to go back to pretending none of this happened,β said McConnell, urging the nation to go online and post whatever little impassioned rants or photographs of the bereaved they had, since he and his fellow lawmakers had decided their response to all of this would continue to be absolutely fucking nothing. βAnd yes, we know the parents of the victims will be burying 19 young children in the coming few weeks. Seriously, none of it matters to us. I donβt know how to make it any clearer. We simply couldnβt care less.β At press time, McConnell had returned to the podium to add that his thoughts and prayers were, of course, with the community and the grieving families.