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CoTex

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Everything posted by CoTex

  1. + needles + shit + tampons + loogies + piss + toilet paper + condoms + a dead body+ it's fucking hot in South Texas in July.
  2. That is a name I haven't heard in a very long time. The night I was detained in Nuevo Laredo (not arrested) went like this - I'm in a cab with about 8 people, plus driver. We're so packed in this LTD or old Crown Victoria or whatever the hell it was, that I'm laying stacked across the backseat passengers, looking out the right side rear window. Butterfly is on the radio and we're all loud-drunk singing along. Two pendejo cops (I don't know if they were federales or not) pull up next to us, look over, and we're five feet away, staring at each other. I see their expressions simultaneously shift from curiosity to something more sinister. "you're my butterfly, sugar baby." Nuevo Laredo cops pull us over, make us all get out of the car, and we take a vow - we're not going to separate. If that means going to jail, we're all going together - strength in numbers - we know the Kilroy story. I figure they're going to shake us down for our cash and send us on our way, or play soccer with our heads and eat our other organs. Nope. Cops tell us "four of you can get in the cab, four of you have to stay here." So much for strength in numbers - four of our group jump back in the cab and take off. I'm one of the four left behind. Mf'er - I thought we were friends. So, the remaining four of us walked, jogged and staggered out of NL that night, like some Hangover version of the Mogadishu Mile from Blackhawk Down. We made it back to the mercado, got our bearings, and walked back across the border. Slept in my buddy's 240. This would be, give or take, Memorial Day or Labor day Monday, 2001. In defense of my "friends" who left us, I had engaged in "relations" with one of their older sisters, and there were some hurt feelings. She was the aggressor but he wouldn't hear it. I think that dude wished ill upon me.
  3. How do you think the selection process goes when you've got 3 trucks and 15 firemen standing around the "honey pot" trying to figure out who is going down into the raw sewage, in June, in South Texas, to bag up the dead body parts? "All right rookie, you're going to get a new nickname today - after this one we'll just call you stinky - get in the hole."
  4. I would coach a WNBA team with this "athlete." Ok ladies, we're going to learn a new offense. Players 1-4, you get the ball up the court, I don't really give a shit who, how, whatever, just get the ball up the court. Then, early in the shot clock, I want you to feed it Zhang. Zhang, don't dribble, don't pass, don't travel, don't smile at the cameras or wave at mom - just pivot until you see the rim and put up a shot. if you miss, get the rebound. Then, don't dribble, don't pass, don't travel, don't smile at the cameras or wave at mom - just pivot until you see the rim and put up a shot. Any questions?
  5. If I’m Shloss, I walk into the Ad’s office and say the following: ”Texas offered me the job. It’s a good offer but I don’t want to take it. I’m an ag in my heart. I just need to know that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I’ve gotten you closer to a national championship that anyone else in 80 years and I know you appreciate my coaching so, Just give me 1 dollar more than whoever the highest paid coach is that you’ve hired in the last 20 years, and I’ll stay.”
  6. Gonna need the link for the ag radio show. Anyone please help?
  7. Lets not get too far ahead of ourselves. I don't want to turn this into "who are the best passers ever," but Ms. Clark ain't in the conversation. Isn't enough to say "that was an awesome pass followed by an awesome doink off the bottom of the backboard?"
  8. Sucky hoopers? what do I win?
  9. You’re welcome.
  10. I guess we were just stupid.
  11. I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.
  12. I worked at one of those jet ski rental places where tourists come and rent a jet ski for a half-hour. One of us workers had to sit out on a "chase boat" all day, roasting in the sun, with a clipboard, while the others would rent jet skis, safety tips, put on the lifejacket, stay 100 yards apart, etc. Then, lead the tourists out to the operating area, on a jet-ski, check on chase boat operator, and ride back in. Clipboard guy has a whistle and he gives you the signal when your 30 is up. So, we figured out that we could sit out there on the chase boat all day, in the sun, and drink beer. Only real rule is nobody can see the beer and you can't come back in with a boat full of empties. So, we figured out that if you tear a beer can - twist it until it tears open, it will sink and be gone to the depths, forever. Routine then was, one person sits in chase boat, one person rides jet ski back and forth guiding the tourists to the operating area and that person would stop off at chase boat and "check on chase boat" which meant drink a beer with chase operator. Rotate every few hours - "chase needs to take a leak, I'm going to sit out here for a while." We would drink about 12 beers each, per day, at work. Seriously, put down a 12-pack, on the clock. Lukewarm coors light bud light or Red Dog. Nobody was the wiser until my friend, trying to tear a beer can and sink it, cut the fuck out of his hand and needed stitches. Our story didn't hold up, we smelled like beer (but in my mind my tolerance was so high I was not visibly drunk). Then all our coworkers ratted us out - "those fuckers have been doing this all summer." Terminated, not eligible for rehire. CS - wherever you are these days - I really enjoyed drinking at work with you, and I hope you are well.
  13. If I was trying to make the case that McCarthy was, in fact, a big brat (an ill-mannered immature person) I think this movie would get me most of the way home. He also made the case that, maybe he was the only one of the brat pack that was a … brat. The rest are just Hollywood weird folks. we’ve been trolled somehow.
  14. Left Hunt at 5:30. In Georgetown now. Light to medium rain the entire time.
  15. This is Bolivar Peninsula right now. I’m guessing it’s normally 3 feet from the bulkhead to the canal and that water is 6” over the bulkhead so, +\- 2.5 - 4 feet (tide swings 6-12” there) above average and raining. 99% of that water is high tide or surge - not rain.
  16. The poor kid that found it will have nightmares and an eating disorder.
  17. How good can the odds get if you're an excellent counter? Can you tilt the table in favor of the player or just get to even?
  18. CoTex

    Sushi

    If you want the stuff that is about to go in the dumpster, or was found on the side of the road on the way to work, order the "chef's special roll." That is basically raw opossum and snake meat with a thin slice of tuna on top and those little fried crunchy things, slathered in some sriracha/mayo blend to disguise the fact that you're eating garbage unfit for buzzards.
  19. Got 1 child at UT right now, tennis camp, ends Thursday afternoon. Got other child in Hunt at summer camp. That ends on 29th but she's the captain of the canoe for the damned canoe race, tomorrow afternoon. And, leaving on 7/2 to go to BVI to sail for a week. Likelihood a tropical weather event jams me up - gotta be approaching 100%. My best prediction is that tennis camp gets rained out on Wednesday, canoe race goes forward (farther west and south), and then my entire family survives a Cat 5 in the west indies, and we live like the Swiss Family Robinson or Castaway until Marriott and the cruise lines show up to rebuild.
  20. I was at the Hyatt in Downtown Houston when Ike was coming ashore in ‘08. Hotel lobby was full of search and rescue teams from places like Los Angeles. They had all their gear and shit stacked everywhere. National Guard must have showed up after I left. #teamhobby #pappasstrong
  21. I’ve done some stupid shit. I’m glad none of yall were present.
  22. I think you could make this distinction everywhere. Memphis isnt much like Knoxville. Philadelphia - little different than the dutch country. El Paso is Texas. Port Arthur isn’t any less Texas.
  23. Maybe they should blame John Hughes. He could have found some serious script and cast them all.
  24. No matter who you are, you have more to lose than a carnie does. Take that to the bank.
  25. My grandmother told me not to fight the dudes that worked out in the oil fields or the dudes from the rodeo. I think she had learned from watching her brothers down in the valley enough that she composed a model of fight success. She left out carnies, however, somewhere in my DNA I know that I also don’t want to ever fight a carnie. What’s the most you could win? Fake stuffed animal and hepatitis? Then the bearded lady knifes you? WTF? Fihting a carnie has got to be like fighting those people from snatch. The whole family.
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