You know this is precisely how it will go down if Card starts the season. He'll light up ULM. Some will think he's much improved and praise Sark the QB whisperer. Our offense will seem unstoppable and our defense improved. Kool aid will be had once again. By the second quarter of the Bama game, Card already will have thrown two picks and we'll be down 24-3. The crowd, growing increasingly restless, will start the Ewers chant. The TV crew will pan to the student section with four hundred drunk mother fuckers wearing Joe Dirt wigs. They'll tell the story about Ewers's recruitment and transfer from Ohio State twelve times. Just before half, Bama will bring the heat again. Card will pirouette around the pocket before having his helmet ripped off and nose bloodied by Will Anderson. He'll cough up the rock for a Bama scoop and score to end the half. TV crew pans to Sark squatting on 40-yard line, head in hands. Halftime alcohol sales will hit an all-time high.
They'll trot Ewers out in the second half. The crowd will go wild. He'll light it up for a few series, then throw a couple picks to seal the loss. 50-21 Bama. QB play will be up and down for the rest of the year. The controversy will continue through the season. How do I know all this? Because #We'reTexas