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SwanderedTalent

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Posts posted by SwanderedTalent

  1. On 5/24/2020 at 7:27 PM, Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand said:
    Well when you open that bottle of wine
    You open a can of worms every time
    Now you don't stop, that ain't true
    Never said a word, I never had to
    It was my attitude
    That you thought was rude
    It was my attitude
    Old habits are hard to break
    And I don't know how much I can take
    What I think is on the tip
    Of my tongue so I let it slip
    It was my attitude
    That you thought was rude
    It was my attitude
    That you thought was rude
    Remember sitting back in school
    I held my tongue
    Until it turned blue
    They said I had an attitude
    You just failed my test
    Cause I know you be the best
    So wipe me off as you conclude
    A POV is what I can't use
    I got an attitude
    I got an attitude
    Said I had an attitude
    Said I had an attitude
    Said I had an attitude
    An attitude
    Said I had an attitude

     

     

     

  2. 5 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

    When I embarked on my final, to this point, attempt to get and stay sober, it was with a pretty firm conviction that it was my last go-round.

    That is one of the best things I feel like I have going for me, at this point. It is not supremely sufficient-- I can't rely just on the feeling like "this is it, or bust" for me-- but it has reframed the decision-making process for me. If I pick up another drink at this point, it will only be because I don't want to be alive anymore. 

    Part of the deal for chronic relapsers, at least this chronic relapser, was the idea that some bright shiny day, I really will get this thing and get sober and be the best me, but that's not here yet. Now, my view of relapse and recovery is, if I have to try to sober up again, I really don't think I will make it. I might (or sadly might not) try to get sober again, in this hypothetical, but I no longer think it's axiomatic that I'd become a success story if I had to start over from Day 1. That's partially what I've seen and learned in the program and partly an extrapolation of how much harder it got every time. 

    • Like 2
  3. 16 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

    Side topic: Is there such a thing coexisting as an Alcoholic and a Real Alcoholic? It would seem so if the disease of addiction is progressive. But those are also specific terms being applied to a subjective curve.

    I see it somewhat this way...

    Abstinent - Doesn't play with fire

    Normie - Dammit

    Problem Drinker - Suffers from consequences, but repeats similar behaviors

    Heavy Drinker - Tearing their body down with near continuous drinking

    Alcoholic - It doesn't work anymore, cravings-consequences-mental obsession, needs help quitting drinking, relapses

    Real Alcoholic - Life is terrifying and almost worse without alcohol. Death can be around any corner.

    your last two are the only ones where I don't necessarily see a clear delineation, unless maybe it's between alcoholics who could still conceivably quit and harbor a desire at some level for a sober life, and those who've just absolutely given up....? The latter category maybe being at a point where doctors are like "you can't even safely detox that person" a la Townes Van Zandt at the end.

    • Like 1
  4. On 5/23/2020 at 11:33 AM, BBQ2Bayou said:

    but to me, year 2 is really when I  started gaining confidence that life really can be this good forever without the bottle. Not because I missed drinking and simply thought I could get by without it, but because everything was better without it. Significantly. Once I  realized it wasn't a temporary state of happiness and contentment and that this feeling is real for as long as I want it, I realized I had made life difficult.  LIfe didn't do anything to me. 

    I find it interesting that we've had different experiences in Year 2 and I wonder if the bold is part of the reason why. I knew that part years before I could stay sober for any real length of time, but it didn't do me any real good. I haven't gained any additional confidence in that regard; I already knew how much better my life was when sober.

    The last half-dozen relapses were almost 100% "I am in the mood to express my pain outwardly and hopefully hurt some people", almost 0% "this will feel good/be fun/be a relief/help escape". Really sick. My thinking is still pretty sick, because there are times when that 100% sounds like a pretty good response to things and if I substitute the phrase "I should put a gun in my mouth" in place of "maybe I should give up and get drunk", it really emphasizes what an insane overreaction it is. 

    • Like 2
  5. 1 hour ago, ButtFumble said:

    so let me run this plan by everyone

    1. trade off all your high dollar older players for future draft picks

    2. hire Charlie Strong as head corch and GM (GM in name only)

    3. lose for 2 years in a row while you stock up on low round draft picks and get the advantages of Charile

    4. make lots of trades of picks and players (some even drafted with your low picks to immediately trade if you can not trade those lower picks you get because of Charlie being a minority)

    5. year 3 have a shit tonne of draft picks in the low rounds because of trades, Charlie's corching, and Charlie is a minority. Draft all the great players you can

    6. immediately fire Charlie after the draft and hire a competent coach

    7. profit?

    no one would put up with Charlie Strong's coaching for three years!

  6. 22 hours ago, hullabelew said:

    My one year was May 8.  Since you are fresh off yr two, what are some things that were harder in the second year?  

    I took four days off this week, so naturally I'm way more busy than usual and couldn't get to this until today. Going to be rigorously honest about this: the second year was harder than the first. The scar tissue is still fresh the first year, so you're more conscientious of working towards and preserving your serenity. There's no "I got this" when you're six months out of rehab and feel like you had lived your life down to a pencil point; at least, there wasn't for me. Once you get comfortable-- complacent, even-- it's easier for a few days of "I am not some newbie who needs meetings every day" to turn into "I haven't been to a meeting in six days and I'm snapping at my wife and taking things at work personally". 

    I found it a lot easier to stay on the "one day at a time" track in year one. I do a lot more looking back in year two, and I do a lot more futurecasting, worrying about stuff I can't control. 

    Everything can also be an exciting new challenge in that first year. It wasn't the first time I tried to get sober, but it was the first time I put my entire life on hold for thirty days and tried to do it totally right. In the second year, I'm not finding a lot of exciting stuff to tackle. I thought my energy and happiness would just keep going up (and maybe they'll start again at some point) but I feel like most stuff has plateaued and the days are just kind of bleeding together.

    Some of this is the COVID world. But some of it is my age (45) and just being sort of tired of stuff that was integral to my life fifteen years ago without an equal amount of stuff to replace it. I know what the program answer is, more service work but that's the only real downside of AA where I am: we don't get many newcomers and even when there are in-person AA meetings, there is a backlog of people helping with service (e.g., you sign up for something and get there thirty minutes early and three people have already combined to do the thing). 

    Ultimately, I still have faith in the program because the more I do of it, the better I feel. And I know, the same way I wouldn't touch a hot stove, that things might get better tomorrow if I stay sober but can/will only get worse if I drink, and that keeps me coming back. I also see people with six, eight, twenty years of sobriety and that helps remind me better days are possible. 

    • Like 4
  7. I am not normally one for fucking around with uniforms, but I think Tech actually does some nice stuff when they wear alternates-- within reason. Their all-blacks work, as do the black/red/red combination (they need to stick with black helmets). Not a fan of all-reds. 

    Black/black/gray and black/red/white are probably their two strongest looks.

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