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Tex Long

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Everything posted by Tex Long

  1. Is it only my wife, or are there other females who believe that jar lids are just sort of decorative and don't need to be tightened - or even turned more than an eighth of a turn (if that much)?
  2. That narrows it down to... what? About hunnerd'n'twenny locations?
  3. Only the shy ones. Take it either way.
  4. That's called "twenty-five long handoffs".
  5. Well... technically, the player doesn't have to be inside the side line - he can be flying through the air, completely over that line, and if the ball is inside it, it's six points. Likewise, on the side line, the player and the ball can both be on the wrong side, and as long as he can stretch back and touch in bounds, it's a catch... but if the player touches or crosses the line, it's no catch even if the ball is completely in bounds. Ask your wife. I'm guessing her response will be "huh?"
  6. Not to everybody, apparently.
  7. Surly-making? Any TV ad for drugs that have 48 of the 60 seconds listing side effects. Especially when they include hair loss, blindness, shortness of breath, decrease in libido, and "cardiac events including stroke, heart attack, or sudden death".
  8. Does he know, though?
  9. She didn't by any chance have an ex-husband who was a dentist in Philadelphia, who turned out to be gay and had given her a strong preference for backdoor action?
  10. Seems like you have no answers, just questions.
  11. Miz Long (lawyer) asked one I have no answer for, and actually wondered about, myself. How come on the goal line, it's where the ball is, not the player's foot, but on the side, it's where the player's foot is, not the ball?
  12. You've spelt "leash" incorrectly.
  13. QuadWides. On 2 parcels. Second parcel is a 10-acre pitch'n'putt.
  14. You spelled "Venables" incorrectly.
  15. Best part is, with the score 45-11, and the clock at 00:03,Texas has the ball, 4th and 7, on our own 15 yard line. The Texas punter turns his back on the line of scrimmage, and insouciantly kicks the ball into the end-zone seats. The game is over, and the Weasels are awarded a safety and an additional two points. Bettors with Meatchicken plus 7 1/2 don't celebrate.
  16. I know... that was the hook on my post... so to speak.
  17. There was a dog?
  18. And that's fair.
  19. There are few things in life better than a stack of pecan waffles accompanied by two eggs, up, with bacon and hash browns at two A.M. when you're not quite too drunk to stand up without holding onto the back of a chair.
  20. Meanwhile, back at the game... SIAAAA but whose refs are we going to see?[
  21. Tex Long

    Getting old sucks

    Who among us has never heard her (whoever she is) scream "FUCK ME! FUCK ME LIKE AN ANIMAL!" or the like? Secondarily, perhaps a more specific substitute for "an animal", such as [REDACTED].
  22. When you've burnt all the furniture, you just make do.
  23. Are saying Casey Thompson is finally out of eligibility?
  24. Truer words were never floated upon the digital firmament. Like many others hereabouts, I have family members who are actual graduates of that school on the Brazos. They aren't closely related by actual blood family, praise Jebus, but they exist. Here's the thing: many, perhaps most, of them actually believe the shit that flows from TexAgs and its environs. No amount of fact-checking will convince them otherwise. Truly, the slightest critical evaluation of any of the material shows it to be less related to reality than the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, but that doesn't faze them. On the one hand, the quote above is perfectly accurate. It is stupendously pathetic... and it should make us all feel pangs of nearly infinite sorrow for them. But the sweet, sweet taste of aggy tears is too strong to allow anything but joy, unconfined. Let the tears rain down.
  25. Hell, yeah. Fresca and almost anything alcoholic always delicious summertime beverage. Especially if there was a swamp cooler set on high that you could stand in front of. I was surprised when all the bullshit fruity drinks with 5% alcohol in them started popping up, but nobody thought to put that 1/2 oz (ok, 0.6 oz) eyedropper of alcohol in that Fresca and brand the fuck outta that.
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