Bama Llama

Sometimes you have to wander in the wilderness. When you are obviously saddled with a loser, or an incompatible individual, cur the cord and start searching and when you find (1) a proven winner (2) with serious HC experience, then go get him, whatever it takes. After the sad later Stallings years, we at Bama endured Mike DuBose (sacked after affair with ath dept secretary), Dennis Franchione (never signed, bailed to Aggies when probation hit), Mike Price (fired after Pensacola stippers scandal), and Mike Shula (nuce guy, not a head coach) before we got lucky. If LSU had been open in '07, we might still be looking. If Urbs is best available, go get his ass but I think he may be hexed. WTF happened since the Sugar Bowl? I saw Texas as top 5 this year.

The Wal-Marks tycoons need to lure Aunt Gussie from the Plains back to Arkansas. Then the stage would be set for the Pirate to bring the age of enlightenment to East Alabama and have a few interesting duels with Nick Saban before he retires to Mount Olympus. The quizzical looks of attendees at press conferences alone would be worth it. He would start weighing in on the absurdity of keeping those majestic bald eagles caged. In the dark wee hours of a winter morning he would open all the doors at the Raptor Center and set them free, to which the Boogereaters could only cry "Whar eagles?"

Clemson, Ohiya State and OU win out. LSU wins out and shreds Georgia. Bama somehow wins out. Does OU leapfrog Bama and the Utah/Oregon winner and get in? What irony if Jalen Hurts is the bouncer who pulls the velvet rope across the entrance to the CFP Club and clicks it shut? Stranger things have happened the last couple of years. And gosh darn it I was pullin for tha Gophers. Jeez.

I want someone to resurrect this, including the fine writing and someone remotely approaching the acting chops of Richard Boone:

Tua has now been injured for the fourth time trying to extend a play when he should have thrown the ball away. It's a flaw, maybe the only one, in his game. For the sake of football, I hope his surgery is successful and that he plays again with a bionic hip. He's the best passer ever at Alabama and I saw Joe Namath play live several times. Joe, before his knee injury, was a better runner, but Tua's the more accurate. Tua himself will always be a winner, football or no football. Blaming Nick Saban is off the mark. This one's on Tua. Football involves high speed collisions of large, fast bodies. QBs should avoid them whenever possible.

Most watched game this season to date was viewed by <10 million. ESPN top 150 games thread tells us _50_ million , including Milhous Nixon live and in person, watched Texas beat Arkansas in 1969. That's 25% of all then-breathing Americans. Are you serious, Clark? Well hell, now I've got to fact check fuckin ESPN.

Agreed, there are many quotable lines. But when the house band cranks up La Marseillaise and the patrons all join in and drown out the Nazis, and the hooker with a heart of gold at the bar sings out "Aux armes, citoyens!" and shouts "Vive la France!" at the end, it gets me right in the old heart every time. Strong, strong stuff. I don't know of a more memorable sequence in any film.

Ahhh, sublime, profane speculation; thy name is Surly. Scanning through such excellent bickering among philosophers who just happen to be Longhorns fans is much more pleasing than getting ready for work. I cheered with gusto when Vince scored, by the way, in my Alabama dirt floor hovel with faded images of Bryant, Wallace and Jesus hanging askew on the wood paneling. Had he not scored, I would have cursed loudly and disturbed my sweet sleeping wife. Long live Surly, its successors and assigns.

Laszlo: Play La Marseillaise. Play it! Bandleader: Looks at Rick Rick: (nods) The rest is seared upon the eyes and ears of history - epic, man. Epic.

Back before electricity when I was a kid, all and I mean ALL of Bama's games after September kicked off at 2:00, as did most of the games in the SEC except at LSU, which had night games because hoodoo. I still think 2:00 or 2:30 CT games are the best. Fuck ESPN, Disney, ABC, Fox and all the weasels they rode in on. Baseball and football were meant to be played in the daytime. Hey! You little shits get out of my yard!

This, and also what doesn't happen when you treat people with kindness and respect. Instead of being stabbed in the eye, the Cockney little guy is kissed on the head and helped out the door. First 75-80% of the film was lovely, moody, acoustic music. What a nice break from ear shattering fx-laden shyte. Then when the climactic scenes unfold you get White Room and R&R Pt II. I like this pace and style very much. A good, positive story is being told here.

If the scenario I posed happens, yer damn tootin. Bama, LSU, Florida with recent or multiple Ls, and UGA with the ugly home loss to SoCar, and eerrrvrybody sick of SECSEC, it can happen. Just keep Auburn the hell out.

SEC will do well to get one team in the playoff. Georgia is praying for the AU Boogereaters to beat LSU and Bama, and then lay down for them. If it plays out that way, and UGA defeats Gata and whoever comes out of the SEC West, they might have a shot at the playoff, but I doubt it. That would more likely set up the SEC being skunked. Hell, maybe the time has come. I do know this; assuming both teams win the next two, come Nov. 2 in Tuscaloosa, "there'll be some snot knockin' out in the old okra patch," as the late great Darrell K. Royal used to say. What happens after that, I got no idea, but I think Clemson, Ohio State and the Big XII champion will be in the mix.

One of USA's many problems is that weak-ass logo. Looks like a pissed off house cat horking up a hairball.

(1) Yes, roaches because they're fast moving and filthy and can fly. Worse than seeing a roach is hearing one fly in a dark room. The Horror. (2) Yes, yellowjackets. They WILL chase you in a swarm and sting repeatedly. My buddy almost died from anaphylactic shock after bumping a ground hive in an old yard timber border thingie while mowing his yard. Fuckers were all over him in a flash. ER doc said 5 more minutes he'd have been a goner. His wife's nagging saved him! (2) These fuckers: (fuck me images no make) https://images.app.goo.gl/Jks247L4ZNXmNn7g6 https://images.app.goo.gl/oRn5HkCcwesChSUf6 Devil's Horses a/k/a Lubbers. The nasty Alien monster of herbivores. Red wings, yellow bellues, pincer mouths, long legs lined with barbs, toxic spit juice . . . the stuff of nightmares. IWhen I was 6 or 7 I earned a penny for each one I killed. It wasn't worth it. They haunt me to this day. From the U of Florida Featured Creatures website: "When alarmed, lubbers will spread their wings, hiss, and secrete foul-smelling froth from their spiracles. They can expel a fine spray of toxic chemicals for a distance of 15 cm."

Gata punter Townsend is a factor, a field position flipper. I don't care how effective the retooled LSU offense is, 'tis harder to drive 80 than to drive 50. Also, over/under on successful Gata fake punts is 2. Over/under on Golden Girls multiple orgasms by dawn Sunday is 68, win or lose.

"Takeaway." Please stop using this word except when referring to defensive football.

I'd pay good money to replace the suckass commercials we're bitching about for just one night with the Joey Heatherton Perfect Sleeper mattress ad and Farrah Fawcett Noxzema ad on a loop. Where's that fuckin time machine?

The Russian dashcam compilations are a guilty pleasure. I love how the audio goes from bad music to an incredicly stupid collision to the driver yelling the Russian equivalent of "GOT DAMMIT THAT COCKSUCKER HIT ME I'LL KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER!"

Put a spy on Hurts / randomly blitz from OU offense's right side / otherwise play like you've been playing / Horns win straight up, going away. Check highlights of 2017 Bama at Auboogers. Hurts was hapless; got so rattled at crunch time he rolled out backwards and ran out of bounds for a ten yard loss on 3d down and NEVER EVEN THREW THE BALL AWAY, leaving us at 4th and 20. He's poised until he's rattled. There's your game. I'm saying Horns by 13.

Agree Charles White is not in top ten but I did personally see him run wild vs favored Bama in '78 in Bham. OJ's long game winning run vs UCLA alone (sorry SB) in '67 was enough to put him in the top ten. Note Bud Wilkinson calling OJ "this boy" in the clip. He and Chris Schenkel sound like Fred Rogers on the air. Too bad college OJ became psycho Bizarro head lopping killer OJ. The problem with excluding Doak Walker, et al., from the list is that you now have to put time brackets on the list and delete the "all-time." Shit, I'm channeling the county agent from Green Acres.

Also karma for Peyton Manning reentering the field postgame to direct the Vol band from a ladder after big win over Bama @ Birmingham. Turtle-chinned dick. Nossir, I don't like it.

Almost anything written by Carl Hiaasen is well worth reading or hearing. Stormy Weather, Skin Deep, Lucky You, Tourist Season, and more. Very sassifying stuff and will go dark on you in a heartbeat.

That's what you surly fellers need to be mojoing up. I hate it, but we (Bama) are as thin at LB, OL, DL and experienced DBs as the mint John Cleese offered Monsieur Creosote. Did you see Ole Miss hang 31 on us Saturday? Unless big changes happen and soon, we are losing to LSU and the Boogs (heresy!). AP #1 in September means less than a Trump tweet.

Agree 100% with the above post, RDCanecutter. The incessant stream of big pharma ads fucking cause health problems! If someone needs medical advice they damn sure don't need to get it from television. Eliminating big pharma ads should be the next battleground for the Surgeon General (does one still exist?). These karma vampires should be removed from all platforms. Someone very dear to me has their A-Fib somewhat under control but must keep a finger poised on the mute button or channel change button to get through a half hour of cable. And they definitely do NOT want to hear the two dozen harmful potential side effects of "Alphabetaphiloxipoppinhrpuffinstuffelol" and the like.