Bama Llama

That fuckin Lil Red is creepier than Pennywise.

Louie Anderson is shaking his head at those two, saying "Ah, jeez! Just lookitum."

Correction: 35-0 beatdown was 1991.

Bingo. Bama played Gata in Gainesville six times prior to 1991 and won them all. The 1992 game story line was "Gators Winless at Home vs Bama." Final score: Gata 35 - Bama 0, and it wasn't that close.

Hey, Down Syndrome people can't help it, it's congenital. Bear chooses to be an obese douche. ESPN is the bitch for believing anyone wants to watch him.

Can we wait until December to disregard the Boogereaters on the Plains? As long as they have their present defense and Steele as D coord, they will be in every game. Boogs at LSU in a few weeks should be interesting.

This rat cheer ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

I was there when the "S-E-C! S-E-C!" chant was born. It was almost an afterthought. It happened in the Superdome in January of 1993 when Alabama pulled back the curtain on Miami. The game was almost dull with about five minutes to go and the outcome long decided. Some bored group of drunks started it up - "S-E-C! S-E-C!" and pretty soon it was thundering through the whole Dome. It was pretty cool then but only because we were winning the mythical championship convincingly and undressing Miami in the process. Now it's trite and overdone and obnoxious. I haven't heard it during an SEC game in years. Anyone claiming any conference is superior to another is full of shit. I have news for you. Alabama is one Hawai'ian ACL injury away from the Liberty Bowl. Wafer thin at LB, thin at RB, O Line adventures galore, pass rushers dropping like flies, PK can't even kick extra points straight. LSU and the Boogereaters on the Plains may both beat us as it is. No pessimist, just the way I see it. You guys have been the burnt orange monsters of the midway for 70 years. Bama has beaten UT what? Once in half a dozen tries! Excuse us if we enjoy some success now and again.

Cocks offense was effective. Bama 88 successfully tightroped to the pylon but no review. That's at least two bad non reviews. Who sweats more, Muschamp or Gary Anderson? Danielson and Nessler were frequently lost. Danielson's voice grates nerves in the worst way. CBS director was constantly behind the action. Bama D is considerably off standard so far. Muschamp clock management at end of half was woeful. SC kicker can haul ass - the "hold" on Bama LB not even needed. Tua is a slantmeister. Based on what I've seen so far, we lose to LSU and the Plainsmen. Beyond that, who the fuck knows?

Nothing much changes with Rice and Texas over the years. A thousand years ago on October 24, 1970, Texas played Rice in Houston. I was there, a goofy-ass Spalding Smails looking sophomore along with my shaggy haired Pythonesque roommates and my drop-dead gorgeous blonde girl friend all the way out from Alabama for the weekend. We had been to Bama vs. UH that afternoon at the world's smallest indoor stadium a/k/a the Astrodome. Rice Stadium was packed with 73,000 fans, about 3,000 of which were for Rice. People didn't go all apeshit wearing team colors in those days, but when the UT band struck up The Eyes, we found out really quick who was for whom. One of my roommates yelled out over The UT fans singing, "Shit! Y'all look, it's LBJ!" Sure enough, there he was, in what passed for a box seat in those days, high up on the 50 yard line on the side away from the press box. He wore a snow white Western cut suit and a huge white stetson. His hair was long and white, spilling way down over his coat's collar. When The Eyes ended, the P.A. guy introduced him to the crowd and he stood up again and waved the big stetson. He looked relaxed and happy. I think Lady Bird was there, but no one could see her. Then Rice ran back the opening kickoff for a fucking touchdown! We all went batshit because we knew that whatever else happened that night, we actually scored first on the mighty Longhorns. Final score, Texas 45-21. Bama had won earlier 30-21 over UH in front of a packed Dome (46,000). We were witness to Steve Wooster running roughshod over Rice players until they subbed for him. He was like a bull yearling running through a chicken yard. It was a great Saturday all around. That year Rice won the SWC in every sport except one. I married the gorgeous blonde in 1971 and she hasn't had me killed yet. Good luck Horns. Hope to see you in NOLA.

Bevo would be happier on a real grass field. You could even put some bluebonnets heere and there around the outparcels. The Horns coaching staff must like this turf's traction factor or something because I damn well know the athletic department can afford a fresh real turf sod field every week of the year. This was one helluva college football game, the best I've seen since UGA and OU in that Rose Bowl. The drab-ass, shiny turf was literally the only negative for me. I expected the Horns to win going away and LSU to shit the bed with numerous procedure and personal foul penalties, but they showed more poise than is typical for LSU. This majestic showpiece of a stadium would be complete if it had a real grass field. Good luck the rest of the way, Horns. You guys should win out. I think the world of Jalen Hurts, but he has a hard time with multiple bogeys. When he starts bailing out to the right and going backward, the play's over. Thanks for a hellacious, entertaining game. Maybe you can return the favor next year in Baton Rouge.

UGA was a 12-point favorite in January, right? So, Horns should beat LSU by what, eleventy million? OVER UNDER ADVENTURES 13 - LSU unsportmanlike-targeting-misc. personal foul major penalties 6 - LSU offense flagged for false starts because noise noise noise 10 - Time stoppages for LSU players with leg cramps or pretending to cramp 7 - Gratuitous close up crotch or cleavage shots of LSU Golden Girls (please, oh please) 5 - Gratuitous close up ass shots of Texas chaps babes 67 - UT band plays Texas Fight! 13 - LSU fans to ER for one reason or another 8 - Chris Fowler screams TOOOUUUUCHHHHDDOOOOWNNNN! 0 - Missed LSU field goals All a yiz sonsabitches who get to be there in person better have an epic blast. Ole "Llama will be watching and pulling for quality football and hoping the refs stay out of it.

Reuben is like that memorable lyric in "Hungry Heart": "Like a river that don't know where it's goin', I took a wrong turn and I just kept goin."

Sorry, Go Pokes, I have no idea what you're talking about. I've only had one screen name since I signed up on Surly. I used to be on the Shag but I lost track when I thought it had died. Careful, Go Pokes, a 15 year old Russian punk hiding in his Babushka's hall closet may have hacked you, brother.

Last Tango got my attention when Brando said, "Get the butter," and I rather liked it. I prefer it to 95% of films since Last Tango. If your eyes are dry during Casablanca when the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold sings out during "La Marseillaise," you may have reptilian DNA. I drove 35 miles and paid ripoff prices for ticket, popcorn and a soft drink only to find myself nodding off during Spectre, the latest Bond film - a waste of the actors', producers' and my time and money. This thread is so beautifully bizarro - name "best" movies we saw but didn't like <or> didn't see but were somehow "best"? - I am 16 again, staring at an SAT answer sheet as my #2 pencil snaps in two. But it's stimulated some good movie posts so fuck it - good on the OP.

As long as the consignment duds and your son's face and hair are reasonably clean, the judge won't give a shit. I saw a lady judge send a guy home to get his nasty ass cleaned up and change clothes, made him wait when he got back to the end of the docket, then threw the book at him. It's a respect thing.

Clever and funny as shit.

Amen x 1,000. Forrest Gump was a serious flashback. I was eleven years old on June 11, 1963 when that fuckhead George Wallace "stood in the schoolhouse door" in Tuscaloosa, less than a mile from my home. Some neighborhood pals and I were holed up in a treehouse in full Alamo siege mode (slingshots and BB guns) while National Guard troop trucks rumbled up and down our street and Guard helicopters flew overhead. Unaware the nonviolent events to come had been scripted in Washington and Montgomery, we were expecting Armageddon to break out at any moment. Fast forward to a Friday night in September, 1994 before an Alabama home game. It was a truly visceral experience watching newly-released "Forrest Gump" in a packed out Tuscaloosa theater. When Forrest, sporting that dead-solid-perfect early sixties uniform and single-bar helmet, caught the kickoff in a checkerboarded end zone and zigzagged all the way back through the hated Tennessee Vols, every last hair on the back of my neck stood up as the theater audience went apeshit. In one second I was transported back thirty years back to games I had witnessed during that same era. The end zone checkerboard detail was a nice touch. When Bama played Tennessee in Birmingham in those years, one end zone was checkerboarded crimson and white and the other orange and white. Tennessee always brought a dude who paraded all around the field on a prancing, jet black Tennessee walking horse in the moments before kickoff, as the Vol band playing "Tennessee Waltz." I saw the Alabama home crowd give horse and rider a standing ovation, something you'd never see today. The references to JFK, Viet Nam, student protests, John Lennon's murder, crackerism, racial harmony and disharmony, drugs, music, true love and college life all really hit home. Bravo Winston Groom, bravo Robert Zemeckis, bravo Tom Hanks. The sound of Viet Cong rifle rounds ripping through elephant grass and human bodies haunts me still. No wonder vets have PTSD. My favorite line: Cracker asshole school admissions guy to young Forrest after nailing his mother: "Yew don't talk much, dew ya?" Forrest: "Ouggh! Ouggh! Ouggh!" Loved the book, loved the film, hated so much of the godawful shit those in power did in those days. This film brings it all back and does it with an impact. Not sure if it's true but I read in an interview with Winston Groom in a Mobile paper that his contract was so full of weasel clauses, he did not make a cent on the film's worldwide box office, which was $600 million at that time, likely another $600 million by now. Watch out what you sign, people.

Watching devices (except me, now)

Bingo.

In random order; Sunrise The Commitments Silence of the Lambs To Kill A Mockingbird Casablanca The Third Man The Castle Monsieur Hulot's Vacation In Cold Blood Alien

Be smart off the field. Your ass is worthless to the team if you are suspended from the team, declared ineligible, kicked out of school, in court, in jail, miss meetings, tear an ACL in a pickup game of hoops, or break your leg being a jackass on an ATV. Give maximum effort and focus every moment of every play in every practice, every game, every workout. Learn the playbook for your position group backwards, forwards and sideways; Develop keen situational awareness (e.g., punt return team DO NOT encroach on 4th and 4; dbs DO NOT give a ball carrier the extra shove into the bench after he's stepped out; QB have one eye on the fucking play clock); don't fucking touch an opponent above the neck. Appreciate your opportunity and make the most of it.

Yaaaaaa! Just reading those three simple words makes me want to run away like a cartoon character while simultaneously retracting my balls.

Maybe the part where he goes to prison.

"Sodomy, fellatio, cunnilingus, pederasty, Father, why do these words sound so nasty? Masturbation can be fun, Join the holy orgy Kama Sutra Ev'ry-oooooone."