Bama Llama

My guys played UF a few times over the years. I have bittersweet memories of three games. In 1963 I was a 7th grade kid and worked a game as an usher in Tuscaloosa, maybe made $5 in tips showing old biddies to their splintery wooden seats. The Gators rolled in a beat us 10-6, one of only two games Bear Bryant lost in 28 years in Tuscaloosa. In 1986 they played us in Birmingham the week after we had pantsed defending NC Penn State. Our players, including Derrick Thomas and Bobby Humphrey, were all miming the Gator chomp to the UF players as they finished warmups. Then the game kicked off. Those fuckers came out and took it to us for all 60 minutes. They introduced the world to a freshman rb whom we couldn’t tackle or stop. He ran for over 200 yards that day - Emmit Smith. In 1991 a buddy and I drove to Gainesville for a night game in Gene Stallings’ second year. The state newspapers harped on the fact that the Gators had never defeated Bama there but in fact only a handful of Bama games were ever played there and those were in the in old days when the stadium was open ended and somewhat dinky. This was Spurrier’s first or second year. It was a hard hitting first half. We were down only 6-0 at the half. We had a QB named Vince Sutton who could run like a deer and throw the ball a mile although its destination was always uncertain. After he threw a couple of picks in the 3rd quarter, Stallings pulled him and subbed Jay Barker, who went on to do good things in later games that night he was smashed and sacked every other play. The Gators humiliated us 35-0, one the worst beat downs I’ve ever seen a Bama football team receive. This was The Real Swamp and it was steamy, hot and very LOUD. A UF student greeted the UA president and his wife, “FUCK YOU!” After the game, we visited the strip and joints called the Purple Porpoise and Balls. Man, I never saw so much nubile, tan, taut, smiling, bouncing, supple young female flesh as I saw that night. Thry were most gracious in victory. All during the game, the sweet aroma of weed smoke wafted forth across the field from the student section, where no cops could go because it was SRO all game. You do want to get behind the sticks in the Swamp. But those were Spurrier days. That fucker took no prisoners. Their fans are worse than Aggies but not as bad as Aubies.

Stuffed on 4th and my flaccid dick!

F. S. Eewwwwww

ESPN first down line video guy must be drunk. The line is visible randomly at best. It’s an outrage!

That’s what she said!

Tip of the hat to DKR, who I believe said that first.

Nick and I are the same age. I have a full head of hair like the Beatles in 1965. If Nick had my hair and a feather, and I had his money, we’d both be tickled. He could color the shit out of all that hair and I could retire and send stupid posts like this to Surly full time or start a blog worth a shit for smartass Bama fans (there ain’t one).

Corso absent? Out to pasture? What? Nick is a welcome change for the better. At least Nick can get through a sentence without forgetting who and what he’s talking about.

This Fake Tan Ex-Motherfucker in Chief reaches a new low for homo sapiens as a species every time his sausage-like fingers or thumbs tap his phone. This turnout has to be a tsunami so he will flod his nasty tent and slink away to some shitty golf course.

They never lost me. I’ve voted Dem since I registered in 1970. Like Patches, I was born and raised down in Alabama. I’ll vote for a mongrel yellow dog for president before I ever vote for a Republican. These Zombies don’t know where they’re going or what they’re doing. Too many fools being led around by National Socialist wannabes and dog whistling talking heads on Fox Hate News, the polar opposite of Enlightenment.

I hope Texas plays vs. coaches and players stupid enough with the game on the line to rush 2 on a Hail Mary 4th and 31 AND let the opponent’s best receiver get behind the DBs in the corner of the end zone. Waw Eeguh! Morons.

Paging Dr. Melfi

Drove by this Trump merch side of the road tent an hour ago here in the reddest county in Alabama (Gulf Shores, etc.). Ther was NO ONE there except the dude in the truck who was manning the tent. Those assholes can’t suffer enough.

Bravo JustifieD, the series filmed in California but had that East Kentucky feel. Fantastic cast of hillbilly poets, hillbilly bozo crooks, comely wimmenz, Dee-troit killer thugs and downright gangsters. Can’t lose with Elmore Leonard. Great theme song, a la The Sopranos. You hate to tap “skip intro.” Raylan rules.

Joe passing the torch to Kamala destroyed these bozos in one moment but I still detest them. The ads are still running. God, who markets that crap? Who BUYS it?

If I were registered to vote in Texas, I’d back this guy over Ted Cruz. He checks all the boxes that matter. Species -✅ Color - ✅ Common sense - ✅ Loyalty -✅ Party affiliation- Don’t care

Well, there you go. Darwinism is leftist propaganda anyway, right?

That motherfucker is Exhibit A to the Honorable Mention Supplement to the Darwin Awards. Ever notice how the worst of them never take a breath? It’s a veritable oral diarrhea delivered in the same conceited monotone as Trumpatollah the Hutt himself. “Honorable Mention” because he somehow survived.

I endorse the above recommendation. Land of Bad was goooo-ooood, as Cousin Eddie would say. Nice mix of cutting edge high tech big brother drone surveillance helping secret U.S. paramilitary good guys vs very nasty head lopping bad guys. Edgy but believable. Although Crowe looks like he drank only beer and ate only deep dish pizza for a couple of months before filming this one, he still commands the screen as usual. I’ll have to pass on that vacation to the Philippines or wherever the fuck they were supposed to be.

Kamala has a certain playful mysticism in her eyes, which I find most appealing. I submit she is “from” a place where there’s no space and time. Roll away the stone and flock to the polls. If you want a self-obsessed con man carny barker to run this country, vote for that prolapsed anus. Otherwise, vote for Kamala and whoever runs as VP. It’s time for some progress up in this mug. If you don’t vote, STFU.

The best thing about Kamala’s candidacy is what it did to the “PRESIDENT/PRISON” coin hucksters. That bullshit commercial is still running. Only half kidding. Who would even purchase such dreck? Who would market it?

It’s called wisdom and maturity. Good for him. But when did Trump drop out of anything? Maybe I missed something.