I'm not going to be doing a username change.
I appreciate the community feedback and concern. I know that I'm an alcoholic. This isn't some shit that needs an intervention. I know much more about my personal* condition than any of you do and I am very aware of it and have been for years now.
I wish that it was easier to quit drinking - I would like for it to not be a part of my life any longer. It's extremely difficult and it (unfortunately) takes time.
I've done AA. I've been to rehab multiple times. I've been arrested twice as many times. There are ways in which I'm wired that are not conducive to success and I fight against that shit every day of my life.
I made an ass out of myself and put some stupid shit on the table and when I attempted to make good on it you all as a whole communicated that it wasn't particularly important and that you'd like if I was less of an annoying drunken fuck as often as I have been since I started posting here over 6 years ago.
I hear that feedback. I feel my own feedback when I drink whether it's my mind, body or spirit and it only gets worse.
I'm painfully aware of all of this. I love this community and I seriously appreciate that y'all care and I apologize for whenever I'm undeservedly a dick towards any of you - because all it is is a manifestation of my own character flaws. Well - most of the time - some of the time y'all post really retarded shit.
I try and work on being a better person every day and this is an opportunity for me to take it a bit more seriously.
All love -
ztejas