I Plead Da Fif

I think in your psychoanalysis of our relationship you are only getting part of the real picture. I brought up some fears which yielded insecurities, sure, however, I was selling short the reality of my day to day life. I tend to not brag about all the good things going on with a girl that’s way hotter than friend’s wives, because I’m not looking to push every friend of mine away. With that said, we are best friends that spend every day together. She’s addicted to hanging out with me. “Everything is more fun with you, etc”. We’re not the same person and that greatly enriches our relationship. We compliment each other extremely well and in the the past 2 years of living together not only have we grown as a couple, but as individuals bettering ourselves. I’ve been in enough long term relationships to know you have to see that so that you can grow together for the rest of your lives. Not only her, but her entire family loves me, and I meet a lot of aunties and uncles, cousins, etc. and I’m a second dad to her 10 year old sister and 15 year old brother. To the point that her parents have told her don’t fuck this up, because of how he treats you (non monetarily, as an equal human being with respect). She stopped drinking entirely because I told her she has a problem (and I did too) from a drinking too much when we drink standpoint, so we stopped together before anything happened in our relationship that we couldn’t take back and grow from. i appreciate your perspective, even though I didn’t appreciate your tone at the beginning. If I were to psycho analyze you, it would seem that after 33 years of marriage, maybe you’re not so happy given your natural proclivity (and possible projection of what you wish you did) to be overly aggressive and angry first thing in the morning with comments on a message board where someone is a) putting themselves out there to be vulnerable on a site of assholes and b) looking for an honest variety of opinions. But that’s neither here nor there. She knows I’m the prize and tells me that every day, and backs it up with actions. If I don’t think she’s doing enough or the right things to show it, because we show our love in different ways and prefer to receive it in different ways, I tell her and she adjusts to make me happy. The size of the ring was first suggested by me, because that’s how much I love her, how much she means to me, and because I can. With that said, I’ve made a variety of decisions in the past that someone who is fiscally mature and financially responsible would not always make, so I have a lot to learn in that department. With that said, she’s been pushing for us to live more and more frugally so that we can have a nicer house and live a more fulfilling live with activities rather than a nicer restaurant on Friday nights and nicer threads for ourselves. She wants a Radiant cut, which is cheaper and shows even larger than its carat weight, and is forgiving of inclusions (read lower price point). I can get a lab grown 2 carat for 6K and under that will both make her feel incredible and her family will have the wow factor when I get on one knee in front of them at their Christmas party and it won’t ruin us financially going forward, which is what I plan to do. I’ve gotten out of this what I had hoped, and honestly what I should have expected from this site. I have cut my target price point in half thanks to the great advice of you fine people. In addition, we won’t be spending much at all on a wedding, because she is happy to have it at a backyard or park, because she wants to save money for a house and really just wants her family there, because ultimately that’s what matters to her most.

Thanks for the advice. I’ve been looking at closer to the 5K mark and can still get a large lab grown rock at that price point. At what point would you say she’s made enough concessions, aside from just accepting a cheaper ring? I appreciate your perspective. It’s all a grey area.

Thank you for the perspective. It helps having differing opinions in a non insulting aggressive manner.

You clearly didn’t read the whole thread, but I appreciate your stern talking to.

I’m aware. The last year I had my condo I paid >$6000 in property taxes. That’s what I pay a year in state income tax in Colorado. I’m okay with the trade.

Good joke, but the reality is the cost of living in Austin, even with home prices relatively speaking much higher than they were, is still one of the lowest cost of living in a desirable city to live in as a software worker. Denver has very little new construction with a lot of people moving here; a 450K house in Circle C would be at least 650-750K here in a comparable location. We’d be limited to 1600 sqft pieces of shit built in the 60’s for houses in the 400’s. Besides, I lived in Austin for 22 years before moving to Denver for her 2 years ago. When we want to buy a house and settle down, I’ll be ready to come back home.

I may have over cooked the “keep men away part”. It was a stupid take on my part. Shes really happy and excited about our future and agrees that moving to Austin to get a way cheaper house is the way to go. We talked and she’s excited about getting a lab grown one instead and putting the rest toward a house down payment. In all I won’t be spending more than 10K. She also informed me about “madrinas” and “padrinos” in Mexican weddings, where basically her uncles and aunts are going to pay for alcohol and her dress. She mentioned spending even 10K on a wedding would be stupid. I have a keeper.

So I guess I'm not totally crazy in my initial thinking of budget for this. I make 130K a year, and 10% of that is right about what I planned on spending. I really appreciate everyone's input, including those that have had bad marriages and came to shit on my thread of positivity toward love and marriage. I hear you. To each his own. My parents divorced and re-married, so I waited until I felt like I knew exactly what I wanted and mature enough for myself to feel confident in making a life changing decision like marriage.

Already said up thread, but I’m 32 and she’s 29. I’ve been in more longer term relationships than her, including deciding to leave a girl that I started dating in college that I was with for 4 years, because I just knew I hadn’t met the one yet where I felt certain. With that said, I think she’s dated a lot of what she doesn’t want too. She tells me no one treats her better than me, and she feels so incredibly loved. I’m not dropping any kind of money really to accomplish this (we share rent, me 2/3rds bc I make 3 times her salary), but things like starting her work days with making her pour over coffee, listening, doing little sweet things for her, eating her ass better than any man has before, etc. Another positive going for her, her parents are still married, even though they’ve had their problems, in part due to the more traditional culture they come from. She’s born in Mexico, and comes from a more simple upbringing. No one on her side of the family will be putting pressure on us for anything extravagant as far as a wedding is concerned. She just wants all of her family to be present, based on everything she’s communicated. I feel like based on my dating experience, I’ll never be more sure.

Because that will be the first night she takes it pooper, amirite???

If you’re right I’ll happily eat crow. We’ve spent every day together in the past year and a three quarters. I’d rather take a leap of faith with someone who has routinely shown how much she cares about me and our future, and has grown tremendously in terms of selflessness and thoughtfulness in the time we’ve been together. The alternative is me being alone, bitter, and treating women like transactions. I prefer to see the good in the world at this point in my life.

Never said the latter to be the case. In fact I said she’s reasonable and logical when I clearly communicate facts. With all of the ways she’s been reasonable and cost conscious, I’m happy to get her a large diamond. For context, she started her own fashion thrifting business on PoshMark. She sold all of her designer shit she got from idiots throwing money at her. She goes to buy clothes by the pound for a dollar each, and ends up selling them for anywhere between 15-60 profit. This is in addition to her day job. All of this also quells her want to shop for clothes. Now she’s shopping for profit and I don’t have to pay a single cent for any of her clothes because she’s keeping the fashionable thrifty clothes for herself or buying them used off of PoshMark with her own money that she made.

And that’s a flaw of mine. More than anything I just want to get her something that makes her really really happy.

Last one I’ll post. Us at the USC game in LA 2 seasons ago.

Will definitely take a look. Thanks!

Luckily she said she doesn’t want a fancy wedding. Something like in a backyard or a park (re: little to no facilities cost.) I’m a really good cook and could make a lot of finger foods and we maybe just cater dinner. She has friends that are DJs in Denver that are looking for resume builders and can be had on the cheap. She’s very reasonable.

Haha yea that’s insane. I’m not putting 33K on anyone’s finger until we live in a million dollar house.

I’ve looked at bands and diamonds and all in no more than 14K and that is with a platinum band and another half carat in diamonds on the band, which is a little more than I need to get to make her really happy. I agree with her that something that looks big on her finger is something a girl like her deserves. She used to date 40 year old men that were millionaires. She’s been in almost every brand of exotic car. She’s lived in Denver most her life, and I’m pretty certain I’m Eskimo Bros with Ty Lawson, based on the fact she said she’s been to his house numerous times. I’m her sweet spot of closer to age, mature, old soul (she is too), with the ability to provide for the family we both want without having the poors.

And that is the reaction I’m hoping to get by some people. She’s a knockout, if anyone is going to be rocking a good sized diamond, she’s one of them.

Actually she’s willing to sign a prenup. I told her she’d never take any of my stock (I’m in tech and will be investing more in the future), 401K, and I wouldn’t pay alimony, unless something like I cheated occurred.

Didn’t plan on it. Will be able to save it in 3-4 months. Also, some of you mfers don’t get around on this site. I loosely compared her body and style to Sierra Skye. He only “knows” her by what was posted.

I agree. I’ve found on rare carat, 2 ct Princess, Cushion, and Radiant cuts, which she likes, for high enough grades of the 4 C’s that are good for her, for around 12K. That’s what I think I’m going to go with and the few of y’all that have chimed in with the mindset of “be a bit more practical, 3 month salary tradition is crazy” is confirming my belief.

Her and I discussed this and looked at a lot of different rings and rocks. She said she’d be really happy with a 2 carat after seeing how big it looks on her small hands, and I think that’s reasonable given 1) my salary, 2) shes a really good person, really sweet and loyal to me from the beginning, and 3) the hottest woman I’ve ever gotten to date me (will be 2 years this June). I told her it’s all about surface area, and if I can get a 1.9 carat for 2K less, with the same surface area on the finger, no one will know the difference. I don’t think she’s completely sold on that fact, but is logical and reasonable when I clearly communicate facts to her.

You’re right. This is a death sentence.