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Tired Horn

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Everything posted by Tired Horn

  1. Spot on. Most fans would understand this as a year to keep their expectations in check. They were 7-6 last year, fired their coach in an epic contractual clusterfuck, and had heavy player turnover in the portal, losing more talent than they gained. So, it's probably a meh year where you simply enjoy it if they do better than that. But no... Every A&M hire, recruit and portal pick-up is a master stroke from the Elk, their latest greatest coaching hire ever. The Sleeping Giant... has hit the snooze button again. Dammit! Elko sucks! We need to find an even newer greatest coaching hire ever! One who comes here already squeezing his left nut.
  2. They may be some of the worst linemen in P4, but you forget the Aggie ace in the hole--they really get A&M. God help them.
  3. Well, if everyone says you're obviously not a Heisman candidate, that's early Heisman talk, isn't it?
  4. Isn't it just adorable (or as adorable as a mindlessly belligerent rodent gets) how they refer to THE STATION. Like it's some unfathomably happening VIBE capitol instead of a rancid slide of redneck nothing burger, which it most assuredly is. The fucking Station has never, ever been buzzing. Except maybe with flies.
  5. Because they took pity on you fucking weirdos and decided against treating you like what you really are--a fourth-class citizen nobody likes.
  6. Well, to be fair, Aggie is a destination. For Soviet style architecture aficionados, weirdos with a milkman fetish, toy soldiers, backward hobgoblins, people who like to build dangerous structures with logs, and those who want to be in a cult while pretending to be the greatest little fan-base ever. So, yeah, fuck the 12th man. He's a fucking loser.
  7. It already has been. This will simply embiggen it.
  8. Geez. We hired a baseball coach. These pathetic drama queens make it sound like we betrayed Christ.
  9. This is classic Aggie bullshit. The cheesy, high morality act combined with a total lack of perspective. It's fucking college baseball, not a war. Now, go play solider with the Corps and wave your sword indignantly in the general direction of Austin (if you know which direction that is).
  10. The only way to top this would be to buy Reveille and ship her off to lesbian Collie commune in Malibu.
  11. Blah, blah, blah, dethrone Texas, blah, blah, blah, THE state power, blah, blah, blah, Sleeping Giant, blah, blah, blah, Rich as Fuck, blah, blah, woof, woof.
  12. A&M is a dream job in every way but two: (1) You have to live there; and (2) you have to hang out with a bunch of fucking Aggies. College Station or Austin.... Hmmm... Doesn't seem that hard of a choice.
  13. Amazing how every new Aggie staff has a remarkable attention to detail until they're fired, at which point they were always a bunch of slacker losers, and the new staff has a remarkable attention to detail. Don't care, got the new guy. Aggie coaches--they're all great until they're not.
  14. I have never been involved in such a conversation. I have, however, had SEC fans ask me what's wrong with A&M. My personal favorite was an elderly lady who rather sheepishly asked "You're not like those Aggies, are you?" I assured her we were not.
  15. What is this eternal obsession with Horns Down? Most Texas fans could care less if someone does Horns Down. That's just the inevitable cost of having a well-recognized symbol like Hook em Horns that your team is known for. Nobody does Thumbs Down because Gig Em' Aggies is a symbol that is both obscure and stupid. I'll never forget watching the second half of the A&M-Oklahoma State game in 2011. The No.8 Aggies led the #7 Cowboys 20-3 before choking their way to a 30-29 loss on the hallowed grounds of Kyle Field. The kind of loss that would have any Longhorn fan pissed if it happened to us. Yet, at game's end, when the TV cameras panned the crowd, there were these two clusterfuck idiots in maroon and white smiling as they did Horns Down. WTF? That's the same as admitting you're not a serious football program, you have no expectations of ever being one, and you don't even have your own identity. Big brother is living rent free in your head, or would be if he ever deigned to spend any time in that mentally deficient rat's nest.
  16. So, what is wrong with at least mentioning Arkansas. I realize that Pig has fallen on some tough times of late, but they're arguably a more memorable foe than fucking Aggie. The 1969 Big Shootout is one of the most legendary games in UT's history, and they were certainly a more meaningful rival than Aggie has ever been in the Royal/Broyles years. And if we're talking about overselling Pig, what gang of numb nuts was it who scheduled them in Dallas and called it "The Southwest Classic?" Rivalries are built on a foundation of gut-check games. Texas-Oklahoma has dozens. Texas-Arkansas has a respectable smattering. Texas-Aggie--not so much. It's basically streaks of us kicking their ass with the occasional upset and one Aggie period of dominance when they were cheating like mad. Who gives a shit? Texas-OU is a rivalry because you feel it in your bones. Texas-Aggie is a rivalry because your mother told you that you had to play with that weird little kid down the street to keep his feelings from being hurt.
  17. The sky has been the limit for Aggie forever, at least according to them. You'd think they would have hit it at least once in 84 years. Hell, we've hit it three times in the 55 years I've been watching Texas football, not to mention the times we were one win away. I guess they've been searching for the perfect Elko culture for 84 years. Just like they were searching for the perfect Jimbo culture for 78 years. Why is it every Aggy coach in memory has installed the perfect culture before ever playing a game?
  18. Don't give a single shit about Arkansas or Fayetteville. Good luck to your kid in life, but seriously, can we discuss something else?
  19. You can go years without winning a national title even when you're pretty good. Just ask Jim Harbaugh. To insist that we have limitless resources and should blow the top off for any given year is unrealistic. Let's focus on being persistently good for a while. It's a sign of how successful the roster building has been that we're free to obsess about depth at a couple of spots. How many times over the last 14 years have we obviously lacked quality starters at multiple positions? I understand that football boards are made to whine about everything, but try and be happy that the glass is 95% full.
  20. That's a great line. As an added bonus, it almost rhymes.
  21. It's too bad. There's simply no way to top this inspired bit of buffoonery for Zeke's final play as a Cowboy. Zeke should have accepted that he belonged to the ages after that.
  22. They didn't lose a whole team. Aggies never lose. The team just ran out of shits to give.
  23. You can take the Aggie out of the shithole, but you can't take the shithole out of the Aggie.
  24. I don't think The Return to Junction is a conscious choice. It's just one of the three Ur-myths of Aggiedom that they constantly return to in their futile attempts to fathom reality. Most fans of even good teams know that, when all is said and done, it's just a football team and will have its ups and downs. But the Aggie football team is the repository for their collective sense of self. Sort of like an incompetent, hick Borg cube that strikes fear in the hearts of no one. So they are always seen though the lens of one of three Ur-myths. 1. The Flagship - When they have an okay run, they are THE program in Texas, always have been, and you better believe the sleeping giant has awakened. 2. Fucking Sips - When they are in a slump, everything is somehow the fault of Texas, the Sauron of mass media and the bringer of all things evil in life. (Note: can momentarily includes some co-font of evil if another program is denying them their rightful place in the sun, but they will always return to their North Star of hatred--Texas.) 3. The Junction Boys - When they are momentarily exhausted and can't face up to any more of their own futility, they're off amassing a lunch-pail collection of blue collar, tough, tough, TOUGH, fire-breathing junkyard dogs that soooooooooo fucking get A&M they are going to be unstoppable under Coach (Fill in the Blank). Fear the sleeping giant, you fucking sips! The transitions can also be quite abrupt. For example, they often start a season as The Flagship, end it as Fucking Sips, then whipsaw back into The Junction Boys. The 2%ers can't take over that shit hole soon enough.
  25. That's the basic Aggie problem in a nutshell. They're so convinced that they're great that they need immediate vindication. It's not enough that averaging 8-4 over the years makes you a pretty decent team, or that every team has down years from time to time, or that this is Elko's first year in a bit of a rebuild. They so desperately crave affirmation of their greatness that they try to will it into being based on nothing but hopium. Every school has its overly hopeful fans, but Aggie takes it to a whole other level of psychosis. So yeah, Jimbo knew the right chicken to pluck.
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