Time for an offseason update on my wife's shenanigans:
She decided to stop drinking a few months ago, so the time previously spend drinking wine and watching Netflix is now spent brainstorming new business ideas. I came home this weekend to a bunch of arts and crafts shit all over the dining table, with her unloading Michael's bags.
Me: What's up?
Wife: You know how gold necklaces always get knotted up?
Me: No, but I'll take your word for it.
Wife: Well it's really bad when you travel. So I'm going to come up with some kind of carrying case that I can put my necklaces in when I travel, WITHOUT knotting up.
Me: (wagging my finger, lying my ass off). Now THAT sounds like a winner.
Wife: I know! Speaking of jewelry I forgot to tell you about the diamond thing.
Me: (deep breath) Diamond thing?
Wife: Remember that Canadian couple we met in Cabo? Well I've stayed in contact with the wife. We'd like to go into business with one another but couldn't find the right opportunity. Well, she found one. We're going to try to reopen a dormant diamond mine on Eskimo land.
I shit you not. Reopen a dormant diamond mine on Eskimo land.
Me: Have you started drinking again? (leans in to smell breath)
Wife: Oh stop! She has good government connections for this kind of thing. We'll just need to round up some investors.
Me: I'd think so, to the tune of 10's of millions of dollars.
Wife: Nah, not that much, we're only going for a controlling interest at 51%
I walk away shaking my head. This is becoming a runaway locomotive, so after a couple of hours of more head shaking I decide it's time to apply some brakes. I decide to tell her about that scrunchie into a cup cover thing that @mulletpellini posted a few weeks back.
I pull up the article on my phone and hand it to her, hold my breath.
Wife: (reads a bit) Shit! (sits down, keeps reading) A scrunchie on a cup lid?! Who the hell wants hair in their drink? So dumb. Ours is completely different.
Me: (shoulder shrug) Just thought you'd like to know.
Wife: Just goes to show you what a good idea it was. Women have to protect themselves from getting roofied. Animals out there.
So my attempt at placing brakes on this locomotive have been torched to shreds and lie smoldering on the side of the tracks. Oh well, I've never met Eskimos before. Sounds kind of cool.