Relapse is just plain ugly. Talked to a guy I sponsored for 3 years, and even though he was a regular at meetings and sorta worked the steps, in the back of my mind I had doubts because he was obsessed with appearances. He called me yesterday because he quit his job several weeks ago rather than facing a surprise drug test. Obviously his company had reason to suspect something was amiss. And they had retained him for 3 years AFTER he had gotten drunk, totaled his company vehicle, and almost killed an innocent in an early morning wreck while he was out looking for his cocaine dealer. He was arrested for DWI and his company was sued by the victim. So after 20 minutes of bullshitting, he admitted he wasn’t sober, and didn’t want to get sober. Also there is a female in the mix. I told him I wasn’t surprised, that he had one foot in and one foot out, that I had a hunch he would relapse as soon as his legal problems disappeared. I actually went to court with this guy about 2 years ago and stood up in front of the judge as his AA sponsor. But for gods grace go I. I’m grateful for the conversation, and glad I get to go to a meeting tonight. I told him that I absolutely do not judge him, and if he changed his mind I would do anything in my power to help him.