Charles DeMar

Exact same for my guy. True, he went for it applying for Plan II AND Computer Science, dinged all the way around. Will have 30+ credit hours and so UTSA or whatever doesn't work. Lots of "WTF, UT" being uttered by my wife (class of 98) but ... it's uber competitive. He is actually on campus right now appealing in person that his "top 1%" candidacy was perhaps not fully understood. Long shot, but if not, he'll be fine, although it will be in a different state since he was UT or bust for his in-state apps. Fun times.

52033 pitch count

Right there with you, STF.

4 years sober 10 August. Thanks to all for sharing your experience, strength, and hope on this thread. (As a followpu on the whole job deal: out of 200 candidates, I was #2. Not the outcome I WANTED, and as I said to my sponsor "I think I was most upset that I didn't have the opportunity to say no to THEM!") I'll keep coming back. CDM

…and, of course, it all worked out when with the slight hiccup that threw me into a tizzy. Time delayed yesterday, second guy was able to meet, great conversations, got to Frisco for swim meet in plenty of time, etc. I’ve got lots of examples in my life where that has been the case, drunk and sober. I obviously often still not good all the time at pausing, giving my will over, remembering I’m not in control, and being faithful. I’ll keep coming back. Thanks to all for the experience, strength, hope, and advice. CDM

Man, I have got to vent and my sponsor is on the golf course. Just FYI, Aug 10, 2018 sobriety date, go to 3-5 meetings (almost all in person) a week and work with a great sponsor. A tie-in to "good job market" talk not going away, I was recently contacted by a recruiter for a position that aligns very nicely with my experience and preferences, would be a move back to Austin from Houston (pros and cons all around) and although not a likely 2.2x income increase, llikely a nice uptick. Although there are plenty of reasons to leave my current gig, there are many more reasons to stay, so I wasn't really looking. I have been battling my tendency to "what if" this thing, and remarkably have been pretty good about being at peace with "maybe works out, maybe doesn't, but God's got this either way." Well, I fell off that wagon and am all twisted off now. Lots of planning to get to Austin tonight for second round interview tomorrow and just heard they need to postpone. Felt badly having the "half truth" with my boss to get up there and take the day off tomorrow, set up a non-refundable but reimbursable hotel room, was taking the wife and kids as we then would go up to the Metroplex for weekend plans (Frisco), etc. My "directing of the play" is going as one would expect. Anyways, how quickly I can go from trusting my Higher Power to a fearful, seething mess. I'm still and alcoholic and without my daily repreive, I'd be an actively drinking alcoholic. Thanks for letting me vent. I need to give it back up to the One who truly is in control and get out of myself. Thanks for listening.

It's been a hellish week at work, and I too woke up "kind of cruddy" to the point that my alcoholic brain had to do a double take "did I DRINK last night?!" Thankfully, no, just tired because of legitimate reasons not those I used to create for myself through far too many tequilas. Mac, we must've crossed paths up in Breck by a day or two - day we left (early in the month) was 28 degrees that morning. Hard to beat.

"oh my hoodness"

Alcoholism is nothing more than self loathing. Well said, Bear. Glad to be here and in the physical and zoom rooms, too. By my Higher Power's grace, was able to celebrate 3 years last week. Thanks to all you guys on this board here and at ToS, all of whom I led myself to believe I was unlike. Thanks for being raw and honest and vulnerable. CdM

Polo green bottle

My inlaws STILL do that. The old TV "cabinet" is sturdy and heavy af, so they're like "FUCK IT."

Ditto

Been hookin' 'em and hearting some older posts. Just haven't been here in a while and having one of those days, so greatly appreciate the "this too shall pass," and "have that second thought" comments in the last month. Appreciate all y'all, and happy to be sober today no matter my circumstances. CDM

Charles DeMar approves this message.

Did something with a similar tube as cousin eddie guy, but was at "stupid things wife says/does" insisting. Far less cool than the guy with the trailer and the outfit. Was a cluster, anyway. Kids shoving their hands in it all the time and likely infected one another 20x over. Not that I care or was worried about it, but wife, to her credit, said 'parents might appreciate it.' One kid said "hey, she got two!!!" I said "I gave everybody two. Did you actually watch how many went in your bag?!" "Oh, no." Felt like retiring for the evening at that point and the Larry David video summed it up for me.

Two years on the 10th, folks. Happy to be sober today. Happy to not have a horrible hangover this morning. Happy that, in this time where my work is crazy busy, I am on top of it. My wife still has a little PTSD from today's date as that was when she busted me out of a less than acceptable sober living facility, so she is sort of in the dumps (big time rehasher/resentment gal), but, I'm doing me and can't control her. I can continue to serve her and my kids today and keep on keepin' on. I've learned so much about myself in two years and I can honestly say I don't despise looking in the mirror anymore. Thanks to all y'all for your posts, support, and knowledge. CDM

Um, really? Seems like a no brainer if "everything is paid for."

Her, you, and me. Home of the Fighting Denton Broncos, baby (back when that was the only high school). Shirley Cothran Barret also Denton girl turned Miss America.

Videographer to Toyota gal - "Girl, you got to leave!" Toyota gal - "man, IDGAF!!!!" Videographer - "ok, do yo thang." 5 stars

Struggling mightily with resentment right now, fellas. I keep telling myself "God's to deal with, not mine," and appreciate Reagan for saying as much. Working from home ain't for the weak, I've found out over the course of 1.5 days. Resentment deals with my wife basically reading COVID-19 stories ALL DAY LONG on her phone while I'm trying to keep people fed and safe while still trying to produce for work. I realize she's doing the next right thing for her, which is important to her to know all about this (she's the type who likes to have "all" the information / options so she can choose (slowly) what she sees as the best decision) Anyways, don't have a meeting to attend right this second, so I've been reaching out to brothers in arms, and that includes you guys, today. Appreciate you guys and all you contribute. I'm going to try and meditate for a bit and hopefully calm down and realize that's her journey, not mine, and I've chosen this life of service to her and the kids from the day I asked her to be my bride. My resentment isn't helping anything, especially me and my relationship with her, my bride. Thanks guys, CDM

Wow. Apparently I'm going to the wrong (?) meetings.

Not even when SBC runs? Hilarity. Found this to be a show worth a binge. Mrs. DeMar enjoyed, too.

Update: Got over my woe is me. Meeting I attended yesterday focused on the promises, and I was able to reflect on the serenity prayer and the promises and how I can't change / control my wife's situation, but can change my attitude and my actions. Also, working with a new sponsor. Old school kind of guy and we went through the Doctor's Opinion last night for 90 minutes. He was a really cranky cuss the first time I met him (I think had been burned by a couple of sponsees recently, so was leery), but warmed a bit and we had a great (for me) time studying together. Didn't hurt that my wife was frisky and we talked about $$$ some last night, too. Those two things almost never happen, especially not within hours of one another. Blessed to be alive today. Was headed toward my demise in my drink. Black outs nearly every night, drinking during the day. I'm blessed to have a new lease on life. Thanks, guys.

You hear lots in meetings "it gets better," and it does. It is not an overnight process, though. Happy, Joyous, and Free comes, but, like with anything, there is also a period of transition. I'm not quite to my 18 month chip (God willing, in a couple of weeks), but things are challenging. When I (hopefully) hit my bottom, my wife was on the phone for hours a night with the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) folks trying to figure out benefits, $$$, etc. About a month later, she developed this mysterious rash. 16 months later, she still has it. It's miserable; it's all over her body, her face is peeling like she did a bad chemical peel, skin flaking off like dust, and it itches like crazy. She can't sleep, is always cranky, and I have no idea how she hasn't lost her mind. She's been to every doctor known to man, and no one can figure it out. We live in Houston and survived Harvey with minimal damage (VERY near where folks lost everything off Buffalo Bayou), but I'm sure there's a mold issue of some sort (it's HOUSTON!) Stress? Probably. She's eaten clean, stopped eating and drinking things she knows cause a reaction, has gone to (a little) counseling for the baggage she carries, and is trying to take care of her mental state through yoga, relaxation, etc. Needless to say, all these doctors trying stuff out (no offense to MD's, but, man, it seems like they "try" more than they "know," oftentimes), her being in a near breakdown stage daily, and all the oils and salves, she feels like she has the right to spend whatever she needs to get some comfort. I don't blame her, but couple that amazing debt run up with her not really wanting to engage with Al Anon or any real deep counseling on herself (it's "CDM's problem, you need to figure it out"), an absolutely horrific year at my company (thus, no real bonus), and very little intimacy between us, I'm not feeling so happy, joyous, or free. I know this is part of it, and feel like I'm whining, just really challenged today. I "should" count my blessings around being sober today, and really I do, it's just a tough row to hoe at home, lately. Anyways, thanks for "listening." Headed to the Outpost meeting today to get some perspective. -Charles

Been a while, and I just wanted to check in/thank everyone for their continued AMAZING contributions. 518 days today; tomorrow, God willing, 17 months. What really hit me over the holidays was the ability I have now to smell alcohol on people. That smelling "power" was not accompanied by a craving, just was something I noticed. No judgment, no correction of others, just ... insight. I mentioned this new "ability" to my wife, who said "yeah, you never thought I could smell it on you, did you?" I totally thought I was hiding it like a boss, but, in reality, she knew. Everybody knew. Grateful to be sober today. My second holiday season and I can say it was easier. The many posts of the feelings that come up during the holidays, those feelings I used to drown, resounded completely with me. I was able to actually feel, and maybe even process, those old feelings as we went through yet another roller coaster of family obligations, last minute gifts, calamity, etc. In fact, able to have non-confrontational communication during my wife's stressful times. "Is there something I need to assemble this fine Christmas Even that I may be unaware of?" In the past, that really, really was a resentment. "I am at buzz/drunk level 9, and you tell me I have to put some crap together for little Janie? That messes with MY plan!" My attitude was SERVICE. I knew that if I served, I could feel good about it no matter how others felt about it. I could take their input and not feel overwhelmed by anger or frustration because, hey, I'm doing what I think is the next right thing TODAY, and perhaps they have a point that I should consider when they DO have something to say about it. I didn't have to be the smartest guy in the room, with all the answers, and looking down on those who didn't heed my (unsolicited) advice. I could accept their path as being their path, and mine being mine. "Live and let live" is a powerful statement to me. Appreciate everybody, and Happy belated 2020. CDM