Charles DeMar

Glad to hear from all the "new" guys. I'm 8 months in, and the truth in this forum, and the rooms of AA, sometimes is hard to swallow, but so amazingly freeing. Thanks to everyone for their contributions. Love the honesty and "open kimonos." Thanks, CDeM

at least not with the plumber...

Long hours at work for the last 5 weeks, and Got home last night around 8:30, which was relatively early during this stretch. Wife informs me sink is leaking, which could mean any of a dozen things, but realized quickly into the cabinet underneath. By this time, after staying out of her way so she could finish washing dishes (first time in a month or two), mind you, into a sink she knows is leaking, it's too late to hit Home Depot/Lowe's/Ace for parts and supplies, so I decide to wake up early to hit Home Depot when it opens. 6:00 am, I'm at Home Depot, grab what I need, get it mostly installed, and POS Bangladeshi fitting breaks. It's now closer to 6:45 and kids will be up soon getting ready for school. I ask her if she wants me to do my normal and make breakfast and lunch or if she's ok if I go to Lowe's to buy a less Bangladeshi part to finish the job. Wife - "Whatever you think." Charles - "Depends if you want me to fix the sink this morning or not." Wife - "Up to you." Charles - "I'm going to Lowe's, and can help get kids to school after." Return from Lowe's, get sink fixed, and ask where I can jump in to help with getting kids out the door. Charles - "Do you want me to take #2 to school, then #1?" Wife - "Looking like that?" (I'm basically in workout gear as I normally drop kids, hit gym, go to work). Charles - "Well, I'll put on a jacket, then go to the gym." Wife - "You're so Fucking SELFISH. Why don't you tell me what you want to do?!!" Charles - "Um, I just spent nearly 2 hours running around and fixing a sink. How am I selfish, again?" Tone So, no BJ or even thank you here, either.

Old legislative numbers, but couldn't find 2018 with same breakdown. https://www.texastribune.org/2015/01/14/demographics-2015-texas-legislature/ Could be some coalition building vs. the agroids. Charlie D

Been getting screwed for a couple of years. NTTAWWT

First time this year. Married 16 years with three kids. She's had health problems, but ... I imagine it will be April before it happens again. Good times!

Great stuff on here, as always. Not looking for fanfare or anything, just felt good and felt like reporting 6 months yesterday. Never tried this before, and still some fear around what's next, around the fleeting thoughts of "well, maybe when the kids are out of college, I can drink right," and other insanity that still persists. Wife and I are doing better, finances are a mess from my f ups, but ... getting more clear, and I've made amends to my two older kids in a way that they both could understand in as rigorously honest a way as possible. Spiritual progress is seeping into other areas of life, and that is something for which I have much gratitude, something that never would have worked in the past ... "well, that's f'd up, you did that wrong, you are not living up to MY expectations," etc. Relationships are becoming stronger, but so are feelings - something I would not allow myself to feel for a long, long time. It's strange to me and also something I know I cannot control, but something that I don't know how to "direct," if you will. A big, jumbled mess of figuring out who God made me to be, but not figuring it out, because I can't even know! I do know I can't control it, and letting go of that has been the most freeing part of it all. Lots of learning and hopefully growing ahead; thankful for sobriety today. Thanks to all for your continued shares and advice. It means the world to this guy, for sure. Charlie D

First one for me in quite a while. Shook my head as I thought about some of them...don't really remember the games, of course, but remember the Mondays. Glad to not be on that other train last night. Nearly six months sober; God willing I cross that and pick up a chip this weekend. Thanks to all for keeping this post train rolling. Lots of love for the knowledge. Charlie D

Seriously. Walked into room 2 instead of room one (or whatever) at Post Oak one day during a time I don't usually attend meetings. Got 4' in and was met by a bunch of snarls "THIS IS A WOMEN'S MEETING!!!!" Charles - "oops, ok, sorry ladies." Wow. The warmness was finominole.

True, but on an inanely stupid level. Example: Mrs. DeMar - "Jimmy's mom didn't want him to be in the Butterfly class, so SCHOOL DIRECTOR switched him to the Rainbow Fish. But, then, Billy's mom wanted the same and SCHOOL DIRECTOR wouldn't let him and she wouldn't even tell Billy's mom WHY!!!! I mean, how mean and ridiculous, right!?" Charles - "Wow, I mean, yeah, could screw Billy up forever...." Mrs. - Tone

Hamilton, TX Storms still open, but dog food compared to what it used to be.

God Bless. Mine, after 14 years of not working, decided to be a preschool teacher last year. SO MUCH DRAMA with parents, fellow "teachers", school director, etc. She loves/hates it every day. Now she's considering going back to school for a masters. I asked "what degree and what's the job it gets you?" Something something something, "I'm not sure, yet." That's going to end up being 9 hours of credits with zero follow through over the next 18 months. Who will pay for it? Charles DeMar will...

Love the big, tough guys with lots of heart. Hoping he balls out and has a finominole year, of course for the the team, but for himself, as well. Bring more of those tough/big heart boot dudes to the 40 with you, Mr. Roach!

Thanks to all for the advice. Will report back. CDM

I JUST finished the first go at the 12 steps. My sponsor wants me to start raising my hand and embarking on other obvious service initiatives. I'm a little over 5 months sober, and needless to say, a bit apprehensive that I'll "screw it up" with the first guy, but ... as the book points out, Bill W. was "only" 6 months sober when he started working with Dr. Bob. I understand this is the part where it "gets good," so apprehension aside, I'm hoping to dive in soon. Thanks

Congrats, Derty. That's awesome and thank you for being open, vulnerable, and truthful. That's one of the most amazing things I've found in the community of recovery - no more need for posturing or lies. The straight dope is powerful, freeing, and reassuring that "I'm not in this alone." Blessings to all on yet another day on this whirling ball.

Should've said that. Lots of waste, so me taking lunch is a theoretical win-win. The rice was just an example. Not the budget breaker. The free range, soy free, vegetarian fed beef, lamb, chicken, etc. on top of the super expensive EVOO she uses by the gallon are the big ticket items that add up.

Wife, who cooks dinner most nights, seems to think we have 14 children because of the amount she overcooks. (I'm trying to do a ketogenic diet right now (works for me to lose weight fast, and there is a cash prize at work this year), and she made something with rice as a base, I guess just for the kids. No fewer than 6 cups of cooked rice as an example of overcooking; the dog got it in her bowl the next day.) I'm not a big fan of leftovers, but she's always on me to take my lunch from the fridge rather than go out. I attempted to do so this week. Charles, packing lunch. Mrs. DeMar - What are you taking? Charles: Some leftovers for lunch. Mrs. - Why are you taking that (particular thing)? Charles: Do you want me to take something else? Mrs. - I just really wish you'd tell me when you're taking your lunch so I could plan accordingly. Charles: Jaguarfan.gif

In IOP I saw a video of the guy that basically started the PARC in Houston, a pretty big rehab center here. He told the story of some dude who "went out" and it was on near beer-48 of them. "But, they're non-alcoholic!!!!????" Nope.

Hey, guys. Headed into a super-stressful situation in Corpus with the in-laws. BIL has been discovered cheating on my SIL and she'll be there (thankfully, he'll be gone when I arrive), my FIL is basically slowly becoming a vegetable after a very successful life with a very sharp brain, and MIL is a controlling freak who will have an opinion on everything, and likely be pretty drunk. Anyone know any good meetings in Corpus? Shot in the dark... Thanks, guys. Charles DeMar

Something I heard in a meeting from the mouth of my former "Grand Sponsor" but the words of his wife, who stuck with him and they now have what he calls an "amazing" marriage. This has stuck with me and I rely on during those tough times when the demon calls at me, pulls at me, road blocks me, etc.: "Sobriety ain't for wimps!" God (of your understanding) bless all during this often really difficult time for many of us and I hope for those who celebrate what Christmas is all about, it is a merry one for all! Charles

Ewe do? Wow, good to know.

Sorry for your loss, BearSchlong (handle makes me laugh), and thank you for sharing that. Powerful. I can picture the faces and know some of the names of those that have walked the walk before me and I can imagine the pain and simultaneous gratitude associated with such a loss. The "easier to get years than days" quote has bounced around rooms I've been in, and I must admit, I don't yet get it. God willing, it will make sense to me someday. Really appreciate all the knowledge and sharing on this board. That cunning allergy got into my head this morning, and ... in rigorous honesty, I let it bounce around a bit. Daily choice to be free, and today is the day to work it. Thanks again to all.

4 months yesterday. Not a huge number, but I'm very thankful for sobriety. Lots of good "shares" out there, ztejas, and I think for me the fact that they are not telling you what to do, only giving their story, is the powerful part about the whole program. If you go to a meeting, I think you'll find the same thing. "I do not have the same story as you, but if you care to hear it, here's my story." The level of care, true care, by people I didn't even know, much like this board, astounded me. I had gotten to the point where I isolated myself in my fears and hurts so much that walking into a room was really scary, but walking out with that support and honest, constructive information was really cool. I was praying to my higher power nearly nightly to "help me manage this." In hindsight, the answer was "nope, bubba, you have got to give it ALL to me and give it ALL up." No half steppin', as they used to say. Maybe that is not your story, and I wish you all the best. It's never too late to try something new. In no way am I in the free and clear, and it is truly a daily decision to choose freedom from the consequences, but I see green shoots in my marriage, in my daily spiritual life, and I have hope. My best to you.

It's just so freeing to not hide anymore. I went to a Christmas dinner of friends/supporters last night. Folks there very supportive of my sobriety and I have been very open with them about my problems, unlike the hiding I did with drink. Amazing encouragement and accountability. It's amazing how far down I got, how much I lied and hid, and how "nobody knew." Last year at this party, I'm sure I had a glass of wine or not much more, then went home and got tanked. Now, I can openly talk about it, be asked hard questions, and actually accept kudos and well-wishes without blowing them off. I thank God for my journey and where I am today. "Only" 17 weeks sober, which in some ways feels like a lifetime and other ways feels like nothing. Glad to be on the right side of this today, which is all I have, and have hope that I can continue to mend the relationships where I used to blame others for firebombing, where in reality, I was likely AT LEAST 51% at fault, if not 100000%. Thanks for "listening."