Today is always a somber day because it’s the day my dad died 13 years ago, but this year I decided to change things up a bit. I got my surfboard and headed for the beach. It was 83 in the city, but only maybe 70 at the beach. As much as I wanted to get in the water I know my limits and am not a fan of water that feels too cold even if I do have a wetsuit on. Far Rockaway’s cold water can wait until it warms up.
Instead I just laid out in the sun and called my mom and talked to my five year old niece on FaceTime. Seeing her enthusiasm for life at her young age made today feel good. I was never particularly close to my dad, but as the years roll on by I see him in a different light than I did when he was here. I wonder what he would think of having two grandkids from my younger brother or all the stories I could now share with him from the decade of travel I have put in and the places I have seen and lived. I wonder how life would have been different for him had he been given a better childhood than being raised in postwar Germany. His Opa raised him because his mother turned 19 the day before he was born. His mother, and my Oma, was awesome, but she was young and having fun when he came along.
I kinda think he would understand why I never have married or have kids and why that brings me happiness. Mostly it would have been cool to have asked him a few more things about life instead but of being so distant from him while he was here. I do think he might laugh that I now use his name instead of being called JR or Junior anymore. I will never forget the empty feeling on the final call I got saying he was gone or seeing his lifeless body in the hospital bed when I finally got there from Dallas.
I hope that those of you who still have a parent or parents still here that you make better use of that time than I did with my dad. When they are gone that’s it and you do not get another chance with them. My mom is still here and we talk almost every single day even if it’s really late at night. I just felt like sharing this in case there is someone in a difficult spot with a parent.