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Everything posted by closetojumping
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OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Did you know the common use of the name "guy" is a derivative of the Gunpowder Plot? Not kidding. Guy Fawkes was, of course, the immediate fall guy for the attempted act of terror. He was at the location of the bombs and working to set them off. People saw him coming and going and when reporting to authorities, kept mentioning a "guy" doing something with explosives. They celebrated his efforts posthumously each year on the 5th of November by burning human-like effigies called "guys" and the name eventually became synonymous with random fellas all over the globe. Which could lead me to how ATM posters view Texas as sort of the institutional version of V to their institutional Chancellor Sutler, but some might consider that a full digression. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Haven't heard anything, but, fucking A, let's try to will it into existence!- 8068 replies
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When Dabo Swinney was named Clemson's full time head coach in December of 2008, he did the most Mack Brown thing possible that a Mack Brown Jr. type could do. He started calling around the HC coaching fraternity, asking to come visit and sit down with various HCs across the land. Many turned sweet, young Dabo down outright, as they were too busy with their own offseasons or bowl prep to care enough to help the hillbilly upstart and his staff. Still, one man did answer the call, and invited Dabo and his staff down to visit, right smack dab in the middle of Fiesta Bowl game prep - Mack Brown. They all spent 3 days in Austin, gladhanding and chumming it up. Swinney's spent some time this week with the local Clemson press talking about that event and how happy he is to be heading back to Austin. After all, he spoke before the SMU game of preparing to make a run to be the first 3-loss national title winning coach. He thinks he has Clemson peaking at the right time (nevermind South Carolina whipping them in the trenches less than a month ago) and they're ready. Running into Swinney's open armed optimism is a thin-skinned and panicked Longhorn netdom, who have spent the last week+ manufacturing ways in which they need to be worried about this upcoming, first-of-its-kind home playoff game against the underdog Tigers. Having watched a small and slow Clemson team play backyard bully in a truly abysmal ACC all year, I can do nothing but smirk and mock each of these plaintive whines on the boards, as I know Texas is about to stomp a mudhole in Clemson's ass. "But closetojumping, Dabo's a wizard and he's won the playoffs twice before! Sarkisian just eats his own boogers on the sidelines in postseason games!" While it's true that Swinney has won two national titles, those days are long in the rearview mirror. Clemson only made its way to these playoffs through the backdoor, by beating an AAC team with too much hype. This Clemson team has some future NFL players within its ranks. Mafah, if he hasn't taken too many bullets, seems like he'll be drafted. It's early, but TJ Moore and Bryant Wesco look like future stars. Antonio Williams, an older Clemson WR, is the current star and will get next level looks. Briningstool at TE is good but not great, yet he's going to the Senior Bowl and will be drafted. Defensively, Barrett Carter, Sammy Moore, TJ Carter, and Peter Woods will all likely play on Sundays. Peter Woods gets a lot of hype for a dude with like 21 tackles and 3 sacks in 7 or 8 games this year. Oh well. From there? Slim pickings. That's the difference between now and years past. Some of the players I named are true freshmen. One is a true sophomore. They're not loaded with upperclassmen ready to go high in the draft. They have upperclassmen good enough to go somewhere in the draft, and that's it. They have an average OL as usual, with a couple of OTs who could go in the mid-late rounds, but they're never been a power in that key personnel area and this year is no different. Meanwhile, Texas is loaded with draftable players and future NFL high round picks who cannot be drafted yet. While Sarkisian's bowl and playoff record, thus far, do not inspire confidence, this roster talent should. If anyone honestly believes that the slack-jawed yokel roaming Clemson's sidelines with his 1000 yard stare and openly breathing through his mouth is some sort of X's and O's threat, they've not watched much Clemson. "Now come on, CTJ, have you seen Texas' redzone offense and special teams play?" Setting aside the futility of the raging Arch vs Ewers debate, featuring masturbatory fantasies about Sarkisian casually dropping in a complete red zone playset for Manning in the postseason, I think there are reasons for promise and optimism for Texas in the RZ this game. While Texas has been mediocre scoring in the RZ due to, mostly, Bert Auburn gargling more balls than Mia Khalifa, Clemson's RZ defense has also mostly been dogshit this season, allowing points on more than 83% of their drives. This isn't Clemson from 2018 - their front seven is good but not great. They can be run on and they're not elite on pass defense either. Texas needs the offensive line to show up wearing men's jock straps underneath their uniforms and not in the pink panties they wore against the UGA front. Do that, have even Decent Quinn Ewers show up with them, and Texas gets to 20+ on the offensive side. What about the rest of it, STs included? Clemson actually has substantially worse STs than Texas in most facets. They've had a bunch of FGs missed and blocked. They do basically nothing in the return game and just lost their main return guy for the season against SMU. Their coverage teams are average to boot. All we need here on special teams is for Silas Bolden to not be a complete fucking lunatic and for someone to bring some positive karma in Auburn's direction by shaving his head and keeping him away from Scott Norwood and Ray Finkel. "I don't know, closetojumping. I don't like their running game or turnover margin advantage." The Clemson running game has been mentioned on this board and OTF as a source of concern. There's always going to be an affinity for Klubnik on the boards because of the Westlake alumni honk network. "Cade's over there being whiteboy awesome again! He's a dual threat, by gawd!" Right. Look, the Clemson running game is in trouble. It's not just that Texas is a truly elite defense, but their personnel is also a problem. Klubnik's nothing special and easily spied. Mafah is seriously banged up and can't handle 20+ carries without serious wear and tear - their own writers are talking about this. The back-up just tore his ACL. The only defense within range of what they're about to face was Georgia's or SCar's and both shut them down on the ground. As to TO concerns, part of why Clemson doesn't turn the ball over is due to the laughable schedule and competition they've played. In Clemson's 3 losses, Klubnik threw 1 TD and 2 picks. The turnover margin in those 3 games? 0. Clemson's feasting on TOs in their 9 wins against mostly overmatched competition. The Clemson offensive game plan is usually to protect Klubnik from himself and work the short passing game while attempting to pound both he and Mafah until the weaker opponent breaks down. Against better teams, the Clemson running game has been held in check and they've been forced to try to let Klubnik and the young WR corps, along with Briningstool, win the game. They're 2-3 in those contests, with wins against an overmatched SMU on the last play of the game and Pitt in the final minute of the game when Pitt failed to spy Klubnik adequately and let him go streaking. "Sure, CTJ, but we've never played these guys and their brand terrifies me in my feelings." Clemson has beaten 10 teams this season with a combined record of 54-66. That includes an 11-2 SMU team that played virtually no one and shit itself twice against decent competition. I already discussed the two teams they beat with a winning record - a wildly overrated 11-2 SMU and a team in a disastrous state of collapse at the time of play (and continuing now) in 7-5 Pitt. The rest of their competition has either been dogshit that they obliterated, like a 5-7 FCS Citadel, or teams that paired up with them well and kicked their ass, like Georgia and Louisville. If you watched Clemson at all this year, you know that they looked slow and small against SCar and Georgia. They looked great against Wake Forest and North Carolina State. How do you expect them to match up against Texas, on the road? I'm thinking mudhole, to the tune of Texas 27 - Clemson 10. I'm not real sure how Clemson climbs above 13, even if Bad Quinn Ewers and Evil Bert Auburn show up and try to give the damned thing away. Thoughts? Hook'em
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
California Penal League -
OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
In the hierarchy of condescending and generic man names, where does "champ" rank for most people? I think "fella" is the absolute bottom of the barrel. Somebody at the grocery store or Blockbuster video store calls you "fella" after shoulder checking you, it's high time for fisticuffs. "Champ" probably tumbles in slightly above that for me. I get called "champ" and start looking over my shoulder for Ricky fucking Schroder. After that it's "bud". When that waxed mustachioed bartender tells you to "check your vibes, bud" after you dressed him down for telling you that a martini can only be made with gin, it's time for a swift kick to that fucker's crotch. "Friend" doesn't exactly set me off, but it does let me know that I could I never be that guy's friend. Sitting atop the chain of common appellation condescension has to be "guy". It subtly signals both tones of derision and moderate respect, all at the same time. Dismissed as time warps from the early 20th century are pal, mack, and jack and anyone using those terms in common parlance should immediately receive an atomic wedgie. -
OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
This dude was a national top 75 guy. Texas and Georgia wanted him. You don't get to spin this as a good thing for you guys. You've lost more than 30% of your roster and the turnover has been in that range for the last 3 cycles. Maybe there's a correlation there to sucking. Maybe. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The bigger red flag to me is the large amount of upfront money and no further discussion of ongoing cash payments. I guess the aggies can be that stupid, but that's widely known as "not a best practice" when it comes to NIL. Really, really desperate schools do that. This one is a surprise to the okies. They did just land a transfer from Stanford at OT, fwiw. -
There are multiple starters on that list, multiple contributors or starters before injury, and young guys that they didn’t want to leave. Bread also. Fundamentally, losing almost a third of your roster in year 3, something is wrong. They did the same thing last year. Same for ATM both years. It’s not healthy.
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Allegedly, Cook’s problems aren’t of the prima donna type. @Hank_Hill has the right idea. Until that’s fixed, if it gets fixed, Cook wouldn’t be a take for anyone. They focus on the portal. They’re not going to outpace Texas or Ohio State, but they can go nuts here and there for guys and force the bigger players to make difficult decisions that are incongruent with their processes. This could be one, but a WR choosing Ole Miss versus Texas can also be viewed as a toss-up, without NIL being out of whack. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
We have a wreath fund for precisely that issue. @immamac has already booked your Spirit Airlines flight for tomorrow morning. I think I speak for all of us when I say, thank you for your service.- 8068 replies
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I agree. We need more help and your offer to bring more to the table may just help the cause.- 8068 replies
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Yeah, it covered multiple days of dialogue on XM84. I know it was covered elsewhere too, but I am not taking the time to look it up. Full Ride opened one of there days during bowl season with the story and discussed is for numerous segments during their next 2 days of air time. -
Texas A&M Recruiting 2025: The Land of Melk & No Money
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Liucci with the uncut dope right there. -Makes an analogy that still involves the aggies losing. A self-own admitting that they’re being dusted up in the portal. -Failed attempt to spin any kind of value about the TE take. -Admitting that the best TE take in the portal will be a fight between big boys, excluding ATM. -Spins a CB who was benched and quit his team as a proven SEC starter. -Hints that their are DL on playoff teams licking their chops to portal over to ATM. -Alludes to them taking yet another double digit haul of portal entrants, as though that’s healthy. -Predicts portal victory yet threatens to start banning people if they act up and just don’t get it.- 2541 replies
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Is he actually hurt or are they just not playing him in this scrimmage to give him a break?
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The big question mark is around … the numbers. How does he test? It looks as if he’s come a long way. If the physical stuff is above average, it probably really impacts his status. If not, he’s drafted as a football player in the later rounds irrespective of when he comes out. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I have no idea but I don’t think anyone expects that dude back. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
He walked on SR Night. He’s certainly an exit possibility. I don’t know anything specific. It’s a given that if a guy hasn’t hit the portal, Texas is doing what it can to retain the player. They do the same with those who are late round and UFA NFL grades. -
Texas A&M Recruiting 2025: The Land of Melk & No Money
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The aggies on 247 are getting too close to getting it for my liking. I’m guessing at least 20% of the posters are calling the Humphrey take a bad reach, which it, of course, is. There’s also a bunch of anxiety about the TE take from Auburn. If some of them have an attitude about landing Hudson, then it might be time to worry. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I agree. Nothing you wrote is in conflict with the post you quoted. It’s also something that wasn’t written about him during or after ‘22 or ‘23 because it would have been rightly mocked for inaccuracy. He’s made considerable gains this year and will likely be a mid-late round pick. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Taffe sucked in 2022 and he was marginally better last year. He’s done a lot of work to transform his physical traits to match up to his instincts. The whole “it’s amazing how good he looks when the rest of the defense catches up with him” trope is just that. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Gerry’s transfer update below. I don’t like Oregon being all over that Purdue TE. The rest of it would be awesome.- 8068 replies
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The “secret” notion is just that the staff is locked down regarding the portal. They’re not divulging anything to anyone. Info is coming from players only. So some folks think one or more portal guys are on campus this weekend. Just don’t know who.- 8068 replies
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The Velvet Fog! If I knew more or anything for sure, it’s not like I wouldn’t share it in some form. I cleared out the pedantry for a minute, at least. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
There’s potentially someone super secret on campus right now.- 8068 replies
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Is this the lowest point of this thread so far?- 8068 replies
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