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closetojumping

Burnt Ends
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Everything posted by closetojumping

  1. I forgot to answer my asterisk in the original post. *I don’t know whether this trivia is factual, but I feel like it almost has to be. Somebody factcheck me though.
  2. Well, I was in my bag while writing all of that, so some hyperbole might have been used. Have you not watched and SCar this year, though? That OL is abysmal.
  3. "God DAMN you, closetojumping!! Do not do this!!" Over the course of the last two months, the patrons of this board have gone from feeling their oats and scheduling dinner reservations in Miami for next January to a bunch of sobbing twats, scared of their own shadow and counting future losses as though these things are certain. It is time we pull ourselves together. Texas is playing Vanderbilt, for fuck's sake. I don't care how highly rated those dorks are, they haven't played in Austin since 1903. Texas didn't even have a stadium then and most of our grandparents weren't even alive then. Things change, but opponents coming to town and having their heads handed to them is a longstanding tradition in which every reader here is rooted. This season and this team has been shit on and shoved down by every talking head and voter in the media since the lofty #1 preseason ranking was vaporized in week one in Ohio. Boo hoo. The team hasn't quit yet, and they're finally heading home. This year's schedule has only exacerbated the distorted view that college football nation and our own fanbase has of this team. They lost by one score on the road to Ohio State, who no one has played close since. Then they played 3 cupcakes that no one cared to even cover or watch for the most part. While our fanbase yawned and Manning struggled, everyone else just read box scores, watched some clippings on Twitter and IG, and formed definitive opinions that Texas sucks. A bad loss to lackluster Florida in The Swamp didn't help the program's cause. People excused OU because of the Mateer injury, even though he played and said he was fine, and then beat two SEC teams on the road. After two fucking decades of hearing mouthbreathers tell us what a grind every SEC game is, especially on the road, Texas has received zero credit for going back to back weeks and beating Kentucky and Mississippi State in their backyards. So were folks just lying pieces of shit overhyping a top-heavy, otherwise mediocre conference? Or is everyone just full of shit and resentment now and can't give Texas credit where it is due? I've heard multiple talking heads yesterday and today claim that Texas is done and simply not a good team this year. "I expect Vanderbilt to expose Texas as a fraud this weekend." - Nicole Auerbach, AP voter who did not vote for Texas this week, but voted for her alma mater, Michigan, who lost to OU and has the same 6-2 record as Texas. The good news is that the game still gets to get played. Texas has gone the longest stretch without a home game of an P4 team in the last 25 years - 6 calendar weeks.* It is time for home-cooking. "But CTJ, Vanderbilt is actually good this year!" This Vanderbilt team is fine. Are they good? No. This team is a by-product of a gritty QB with some talent around him on offense, a well-schemed defense and an absolutely dreadful schedule. Vanderbilt is currently 7-1. In the non-con they played Charleston Southern in the FCS, a 3-5 Va Tech, 1-7 Georgia State (Sun Belt) and 4-4 Utah State (Mountain West), who also lost to New Mexico and Hawaii by similar scoring differentials. In those 4 games, Vanderbilt outgained their opponents by 1,083 yards. This Vanderbilt team can punch a midget, that much is certain. How about in the SEC? That's a different story. They've played at South Carolina, at Alabama and then hosted LSU and Missouri. SCar, as predicted, was wildly overrated and sits at 3-5. They have a worse offensive line than Texas. Bama looks like a top 5 team. LSU just fired their coach, in part, for losing to Vanderbilt. Missouri's qb suffered a gruesome lower leg injury and was carted off the field in an inflatable cast while the game was tied 3-3 and Missouri was threatening to score. In these 4 games, including Vandy outgaining LSU by 74 yards, Vanderbilt was collectively outgained by 195 yards. This Vanderbilt team has been playing with a guardian angel watching over them all season. The devil always gets his due, and that payment will be made this weekend at DKR. "Now closetojumping, Diego Pavia is a winner. He's got moxie! He rallies his whole team around his aura and energy!" It was only this week that I learned that "Diego Pavia" literally means "overrated hobo" when translated from Mexican to English. Look, there is no doubt that Pavia is a born and proven leader. That's great for a marginally talented team playing either teams with less talent, teams with comparable talent, or teams who are asleep at the wheel. Luckily for Texas fans, this Texas team has awakened. Suffering near deaths on the road with their backs against the wall, the healthy pulse has been found and the adrenaline is kicking into high gear. All this team is going to hear all week is how they have no choice, even if slightly favored due to home field advantage. They're going to hear the Pavia talk constantly. They're getting asked about him at the press conference today. There will be more of it throughout the week. They'll be reminded of the near loss last season. DIEGO MANIA!! and Vanderbilt is for real!! are memes and topics all over social media. Texas players are being bombarded with this propaganda. Meanwhile, sweet baby Diego has escalated his shittalking and showboating with the press. He continues to state that Vanderbilt is winning the national title. He stated this weekend after the Missouri game that he should be a frontrunner for the Heisman. No one is huffing their own farts with more vigor right now than The Macho Vato. We'll see how much grit is left when Colin Simmons tells Pavia from across the LOS "I'm going to be the last thing you see, bitch!" and then lays the dude out for a sack. Moxie and grittiness carry one only so far against motivated and superior talent. Vanderbilt hasn't faced a defense like Texas. Bama and Mizzou both offer up blueprints to controlling Pavia that Texas can replicate. Keep Pavia in the pocket and shut down the run. Make them beat you by forcing Pavia to sustain drives with his arm, which he cannot do. LSU couldn't stop the run and that killed them. If Missouri doesn't lose contain to the backup TB who then goes 80 yards for a score in the 3rd, among many ifs (don't lose your QB for the season, catch a hail mary inside the end zone, not 3 inches short of one, maybe actually successfully kick more than one field goal, etc.), the defense does well enough for Missouri to win. Teh Major Applewhite and I Am Sam Ehlinger both had moxie and grit. Man, they were so good against lesser and/or sleepy opponents. Without superior firepower for either of those guys, how many wins did they tally up against similarly or more talented teams? They both finished around or below .500 in those match-ups. "Have you seen the Texas offense, CTJ? Have you seen this OLine? You know that, now that Arch Manning is finally putting it all together, he's in concussion protocol and is unlikely to play this weekend, right? You know that Vanderbilt has a good defense, too, right?" Oh ye coelenterates of little faith. Yes, I know that Arch Knoblauch is unlikely to play this weekend. Yes, the Vanderbilt defense has looked good in most of their games. Yes, the Texas offensive line has mostly been hammered dogshit. None of that will matter come Saturday, as The Matt Bomber Offense will be on full display. Caldwell was a quiet pick-up from the portal for this specific reason - at some point this year, Manning was likely to miss time. QB is a tough position and the SEC is a tough league. Caldwell has looked good all fall and has gained the trust of his team. His clutch moment this past Saturday only helps solidify that. More importantly than anything else, Caldwell's biggest strength is that he can actually complete most of the layups this offense can offer him. Now, will Ryan Wingo and Deandre Moore actually catch those layups? One can only hope. As to the OL, they've shown some signs of coming together. Their play in the second half of the MSU game might be a fluke, but we've seen similar glimpses in the second half of the OU game as well. If we complete a few simple passes throughout various drives, some wear and tear on a vastly outsized front 7 won't hurt things, either. I'll grant that I have less confidence and more hope, which is never a good strategy, when thinking about OL performance coming up, but just like rent on November 1, that unit is due. On the Vanderbilt defense, they're good, but they're not great. They don't force a ton of turnovers unless they're playing South Carolina and injuring Lanoris Sellers. They average less than 3 sacks per game. Vanderbilt does not have a singular dominant force on their defense. They're a collection of older players who are coached well. Texas has done well regarding turnovers this season and there's no reason to think that that will play out differently in this game. If Vanderbilt struggled to get to the passer against SCar and LSU, there's no reason to be overly worried about protecting The Matt Bomber this Saturday. "So what does it all mean, closetojumping?" Well, I am glad you asked. It means mudhole. Or, I should say, this year's version of the mudhole. Texas 31 - Vanderbilt 17. Hook'em
  4. Yes! Let’s put the women and children to bed and go looking for dinner!
  5. Come on. The best team they have played so far is Temple, at 5-3. Their schedule is the definition of “backloaded. They play: @UNT (7-1) @Notre Dame (5-2) South Florida (6-2) @Memphis (7-1) Army (3-4) Win 3 or more of those games and then they can whine if they’re not ranked.
  6. Yes, so it that you’re way of giving me karmic credit? If I could control CFB karma, Texas would win the title every year and Penn State and Baylor would not have programs.
  7. Strong work, guys. If I was getting credit for creating the loss, do I now get credit for the amazing comeback culture win? I feel like this thread ultimately willed Texas to the victory. Sweet. Also, y’all may want to hide your eyes this week, as the next thread I post could otherwise cause some wailing and gnashing of teeth.
  8. Boosters in college sports function akin to the ownership group in the pro sports. You’re trying to make the case that there is nothing like a booster issue in the NFL and that is silly.
  9. Thanks. I meant “30”, not 39, btw. Fixed it in my post after seeing it quoted. Keep trying, buddy. You’ll get there eventually.
  10. There were multiple missed appearances and Sarkisian couldn’t be reached by the media for more than 30 days after the season ended. Bobby was doing what he could to be factual - Sarkisian wasn’t around - and to pass on the only thing anyone would say for the record.
  11. This sounds totally accurate. You should quote it and then let people point and laugh. It’s either that or you’re just being your little jellyfish self and purposely constructing something in your favor out of context. That’s kind of your thing here.
  12. That’s Gold(en), C-Man! Gold(en)!! 1) They’re not willing to extend again and Sexton’s been told as much, allegedly. 2) Sexton put out feelers but did not leak this. We’ll eventually know the truth, but some folks connected in all kinds of ways are saying it came from an NFL owner, and allegedly the one in Dallas. 3) Sarkisian is a ticking time bomb. This was all coming to a head sooner or later. He missed 30 days of work after the playoff loss, including the first Junior Day, which was fucking stunning and no commented from the AD/football side. It is probably time to go. A loss today and some people pretty pissed off about how this has all been handled by Sarkisian’s end are going to pull out the long knives with friendly press.
  13. Just no on Lebby. Holy shit, dude. There’s not a booster issue, dude. That’s just a terrible trope that needs to die. JFC. He’s alleged listened regarding other openings.
  14. This would be great. Sarkisian takes his stale offense to the pro and Texas breaks the bank to hire Freeman. I’d take that in a heartbeat.
  15. Congrats on all of our your worldly virtue. That said, don’t bring politics into this thread, you fucking dunce. No one else did it. No one wants to hear it. Tell some old story about your dad and Bear Bryant or something but get fucked on that other shit. Also, we all know Texas could well shit the bed tomorrow. It doesn’t change anything. Our school is superior to yours, MSU, and myriad others in this conference loaded with mouthbreathing clowns. We know it and you know it. Good for you that your institution is solely defined by the performance of your football program, but we get to have a worldview far beyond that premise, and our university helps enable that. I avoided bringing up ATM in this thread because many posters here are moths to that flame and then the thread just devolves into more boring ATM discussion. Beyond that, ATM’s academics far exceed those of Mississippi State. It’s a disingenuous comparison on that front. I can see Minneapolis being fun for a weekend with the right company. I’d take that road trip if Texas did a home and home. They tried to recruit me in HS because some of my teammates were visiting there. I looked them up and their academics fit below my high school’s. That school was academically functioning at a Texas junior high level.
  16. Good lord. This tracks, I guess.
  17. They spent 5 consecutive weeks ranked #1 in 2014 and finished the season ranked #11. That's probably the most relevant they've ever been.
  18. Come down for a visit to the ship channel on 225 here in Houston. I'll take you site-seeing to my old stomping grounds in Pasadena, as well as the lot where the shanty I grew up in was condemned, then we can mosey on over to the Goodyear rubber factory and you can take in all of the sites and sounds your senses can handle. By the time we're finished, you'll feel like you've been to Starkville and back.
  19. The validity of your first point is called into question by the inanity of your second point. Academic talk is front and center in the original shit talking post because we are examining the entirety of the product, in this case, a shithole institution in a shithole state. I was deliberate in discussing "major" or P4 schools as the comparison. There's probably 1000 small or largely unknown schools that we can discuss otherwise.
  20. Part of my point* is that Mississippi State brings nothing to the table. They are in a shit location, with shit academics, with shit athletic history, with a shit brand. All of those schools you named bring at least something to the table, and many of them bring a lot to the table. "Illinois, Syracuse, Minnesota, Maryland, Rutgers, Purdue, Northwestern, Michigan st" NW is a great academic school. The rest are mostly decent to good, with Syracuse ranking the lowest at 75, a full 133 spots ahead of Mississippi State. NW is in Chicago. It's an awesome away game to visit if you like a cool big city, murder rate notwithstanding. MSU, Minny, Syracuse, they all have solid to excellent football histories. Minny is in a big city too, albeit not a visit I would call "cool", but I've only visited the twin cities for business. I could get excited about a few of those trips, but I can extol the virtues of some or all parts of those schools and programs with a straight face compared to MSU. *Another part of my point was that running over an also-ran like Mississippi State also gave me the chance to take potshots at multiple other shitheel schools that I don't like or respect in the original post. Hey, look, I like to take CFB road trips. I was supposed to go to UK and Georgia this year but life stuff intervened. Been on 30+ visits away from Austin either way. That said, I don't have Starkville in my future plans unless I have a kid that becomes a starting QB there or something crazy.
  21. Also, that looks like a burrito. I know Ketchum could eat his way through a city block of tex-mex, so surely it's just the picture and he's not actually that ignorant, right?
  22. I can't believe this is a question I am asking in this life, but when was Seven Win Steve caught on camera, eating boogers?
  23. I don't see any "tell me about MSU" type of threads, but I have some unpleasant thoughts to put out into the ether. I've also spoilered some content that gets more voluminous on the banality of Mississippi State as an institution for tl;dr imbeciles. Mississippi State is perhaps the most boring brand in the entirety of major college athletics. Someone lamented on the game week thread that "no one is excited for this game". I doubt I'm the only person who read that and thought, "who in the fuck gets excited to play Mississippi State?" Even if they were good, who would be excited to play MSU? "Dude, we've got Mississippi State this week!" Right. Does Ole Miss get excited to play them? Alabama? I guess, having watched 20+ Egg Bowls, I can agree that Ole Miss actually gives a shit but that's about it. This is a brand and school that is as plain as grits and as competitive as a hippie commune. Starkville is as appealing as a destination as visiting a tire-making factory. I've tried thinking about who else rivals the Mississippi State melancholy as an opponent for anyone out there. Who can do it? -Baylor? They are in Waco. But they've managed to institutionalize rape and murder cover-up. They have better colors, also. They're not completely boring. -Indiana? Bloomington is supposed to be a great place to visit and they used to be a blue blood in men's basketball. Way better academically as well. -Iowa State? A case can be made here. They're marginally better academically. Their colors and uniforms are better and they've had some hot meme girls. I don't know anything about Ames. I don't know, maybe ISU is an analog. -Wake Forest? They've been good before in other sports and Winston-Salem is a great town with some history. Way better academically as well. -The best candidate is probably Texas Tech. The only thing saving Lubbock from being as shitty as Starkville is the fact that Lubbock is at least inside the state of Texas. Tech's academic ranking is just 10 rungs up above MSU's, coming in at 198 in the US News & World Report rankings. Also, Tech is about as futile as MSU when it comes to athletic performance. Maybe Tech really is an analog, and Texas just traded one shitty conference affiliate for another. P4-wise, I am not sure who else could objectively be considered on par with being as moribund as Mississippi State, but I'm interested in other suggestions. This is a really boring, uninspiring pack of mouthbreathing gypsies with whom Texas has moored itself. It's grim. Mississippi State's academics are on par with a third world country's. As pathetic as Mississippi State's academics are, their historical athletic performance might be worse than the academics.
  24. Excited? No. I doubt I could be excited to be playing a shitty Mississippi State team in any universe. I don't think I could be excited to be playing a great Mississippi State team in any universe, either, if I'm being totally honest. I find that school and program to be abysmally boring. They're the SEC version of Iowa State or Indiana or Wake Forest. Indiana is great this year and who is excited to play them? Mississippi State probably would be, I bet. I am, however, anxiously looking forward to the game, for the reasoning you mentioned. There is nothing better than CFB season. I watched Teh Major get win #2 for the year last night against a Georgia State team that is now 1-7. A clash of 1-6 teams, and it was a great game to watch, especially while drinking homemade rye Manhattans.
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