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Everything posted by closetojumping
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
There are serious pros and cons to the Branch duo. For the WR, he’s a one trick pony but has elite quicks and is great in the return game. Seems like someone Sarkisian would figure out pretty quickly how to use. The safety is jaggy but if he’s not expecting to start, he wouldn’t be dead weight on the roster. He could contribute on special teams. Anyone worrying about WR being expensive, any one of the really good ones is going to cost you. -
Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole In Clemson's Ass
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in Football
Now that funneling money to recruits and their handlers through a fucking church isn’t a game changer for talent acquisition, let’s see how great you guys keep looking over time.- 184 replies
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If there’s anything I’m in need of, it’s getting traction with the posts I make. Thanks for your support, fella.
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Ha. Ya think? -
Sadly, this is likely an upper echelon thinker from the low grade academic institution that is Clemson. 1) Learn the oh so subtle differences between there/their/they’re, doofus. 2) Your program literally has a verb named after it for its historic chokes and collapses over the years. Do you understand the irony of this with your original post? Guessing not. 3) Even the dumbest of opposing posters and their fanbases usually are able to navigate towards the proper forums for the content of their posts. Hell, no fanbase is dumber, until I guess, now, than LSU fans and even they are able to generally select the right board for their topics.
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Not sure where to post this but it is too comical not to post somewhere. Lincoln Mackovic signed zero! DE/Edge guys in his 2025 class. He signed one LB. The mods on their 247 site are semi-losing their shit about how he’s handling their roster. They have like 4 DEs total. Braylon Shelby is one and his PFF numbers are bad. Anthony Lucas is another and he can’t stay healthy. They’re having LB issues with the portal and the posters are very over Riley and his paltry defensive personnel depth. It’s really gratifying to watch. USC fans are as arrogant as any and obviously Riley is an easy CFB villain to despise. They’re trapped with each other for years, I hope.
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Hope not. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Miami could buy OU six times over. They could moneywhip Mateer just to burn OU’s ass.- 8407 replies
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Negative Recruiting Your Own School: The aggy Screenshot Megathread
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Here’s a morning shot of overt racism from the aggies on 247. This is in the middle of a thread about Hudson where they’re debating the veracity of Hudson NIL demands. It bled into UT NIL discussion/ignorance and complaints about all of them gol’durned Mexicans in San Antonio buying Walmart Texas gear. -
Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole In Clemson's Ass
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in Football
There’s no comparison between the two, and I expected someone to attempt this one. The math dorks can chime in if they feel like it. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
He graduated. That’s a different kind of transfer for me. I feel the fans of the school in which a transfer gained a degree should always be able to claim him or her, even if the final school will get the official credit in drafts and wiki and such. Good for him. I certainly remember the name. I can’t remember, did we back off or just lose the recruitment? My response wasn’t claiming that woman was a 10, just that she was easily hot enough for the middle aged fatasses on this board. Ava Gardner. Is there even a modern equivalent to that woman’s hotness? It seems like the 50’s were a good time to be a dude in Hollywood. Gardner, Monroe, Loren, the chick who got decapitated, numerous others of similar outstanding building. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!” I have met and seen too many people from the boards over the years to believe for one second that any heterosexual poster on here wouldn’t be all over that. -
Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole In Clemson's Ass
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in Football
Why so serious? -
OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Did you know the common use of the name "guy" is a derivative of the Gunpowder Plot? Not kidding. Guy Fawkes was, of course, the immediate fall guy for the attempted act of terror. He was at the location of the bombs and working to set them off. People saw him coming and going and when reporting to authorities, kept mentioning a "guy" doing something with explosives. They celebrated his efforts posthumously each year on the 5th of November by burning human-like effigies called "guys" and the name eventually became synonymous with random fellas all over the globe. Which could lead me to how ATM posters view Texas as sort of the institutional version of V to their institutional Chancellor Sutler, but some might consider that a full digression. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Haven't heard anything, but, fucking A, let's try to will it into existence!- 8407 replies
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When Dabo Swinney was named Clemson's full time head coach in December of 2008, he did the most Mack Brown thing possible that a Mack Brown Jr. type could do. He started calling around the HC coaching fraternity, asking to come visit and sit down with various HCs across the land. Many turned sweet, young Dabo down outright, as they were too busy with their own offseasons or bowl prep to care enough to help the hillbilly upstart and his staff. Still, one man did answer the call, and invited Dabo and his staff down to visit, right smack dab in the middle of Fiesta Bowl game prep - Mack Brown. They all spent 3 days in Austin, gladhanding and chumming it up. Swinney's spent some time this week with the local Clemson press talking about that event and how happy he is to be heading back to Austin. After all, he spoke before the SMU game of preparing to make a run to be the first 3-loss national title winning coach. He thinks he has Clemson peaking at the right time (nevermind South Carolina whipping them in the trenches less than a month ago) and they're ready. Running into Swinney's open armed optimism is a thin-skinned and panicked Longhorn netdom, who have spent the last week+ manufacturing ways in which they need to be worried about this upcoming, first-of-its-kind home playoff game against the underdog Tigers. Having watched a small and slow Clemson team play backyard bully in a truly abysmal ACC all year, I can do nothing but smirk and mock each of these plaintive whines on the boards, as I know Texas is about to stomp a mudhole in Clemson's ass. "But closetojumping, Dabo's a wizard and he's won the playoffs twice before! Sarkisian just eats his own boogers on the sidelines in postseason games!" While it's true that Swinney has won two national titles, those days are long in the rearview mirror. Clemson only made its way to these playoffs through the backdoor, by beating an AAC team with too much hype. This Clemson team has some future NFL players within its ranks. Mafah, if he hasn't taken too many bullets, seems like he'll be drafted. It's early, but TJ Moore and Bryant Wesco look like future stars. Antonio Williams, an older Clemson WR, is the current star and will get next level looks. Briningstool at TE is good but not great, yet he's going to the Senior Bowl and will be drafted. Defensively, Barrett Carter, Sammy Moore, TJ Carter, and Peter Woods will all likely play on Sundays. Peter Woods gets a lot of hype for a dude with like 21 tackles and 3 sacks in 7 or 8 games this year. Oh well. From there? Slim pickings. That's the difference between now and years past. Some of the players I named are true freshmen. One is a true sophomore. They're not loaded with upperclassmen ready to go high in the draft. They have upperclassmen good enough to go somewhere in the draft, and that's it. They have an average OL as usual, with a couple of OTs who could go in the mid-late rounds, but they're never been a power in that key personnel area and this year is no different. Meanwhile, Texas is loaded with draftable players and future NFL high round picks who cannot be drafted yet. While Sarkisian's bowl and playoff record, thus far, do not inspire confidence, this roster talent should. If anyone honestly believes that the slack-jawed yokel roaming Clemson's sidelines with his 1000 yard stare and openly breathing through his mouth is some sort of X's and O's threat, they've not watched much Clemson. "Now come on, CTJ, have you seen Texas' redzone offense and special teams play?" Setting aside the futility of the raging Arch vs Ewers debate, featuring masturbatory fantasies about Sarkisian casually dropping in a complete red zone playset for Manning in the postseason, I think there are reasons for promise and optimism for Texas in the RZ this game. While Texas has been mediocre scoring in the RZ due to, mostly, Bert Auburn gargling more balls than Mia Khalifa, Clemson's RZ defense has also mostly been dogshit this season, allowing points on more than 83% of their drives. This isn't Clemson from 2018 - their front seven is good but not great. They can be run on and they're not elite on pass defense either. Texas needs the offensive line to show up wearing men's jock straps underneath their uniforms and not in the pink panties they wore against the UGA front. Do that, have even Decent Quinn Ewers show up with them, and Texas gets to 20+ on the offensive side. What about the rest of it, STs included? Clemson actually has substantially worse STs than Texas in most facets. They've had a bunch of FGs missed and blocked. They do basically nothing in the return game and just lost their main return guy for the season against SMU. Their coverage teams are average to boot. All we need here on special teams is for Silas Bolden to not be a complete fucking lunatic and for someone to bring some positive karma in Auburn's direction by shaving his head and keeping him away from Scott Norwood and Ray Finkel. "I don't know, closetojumping. I don't like their running game or turnover margin advantage." The Clemson running game has been mentioned on this board and OTF as a source of concern. There's always going to be an affinity for Klubnik on the boards because of the Westlake alumni honk network. "Cade's over there being whiteboy awesome again! He's a dual threat, by gawd!" Right. Look, the Clemson running game is in trouble. It's not just that Texas is a truly elite defense, but their personnel is also a problem. Klubnik's nothing special and easily spied. Mafah is seriously banged up and can't handle 20+ carries without serious wear and tear - their own writers are talking about this. The back-up just tore his ACL. The only defense within range of what they're about to face was Georgia's or SCar's and both shut them down on the ground. As to TO concerns, part of why Clemson doesn't turn the ball over is due to the laughable schedule and competition they've played. In Clemson's 3 losses, Klubnik threw 1 TD and 2 picks. The turnover margin in those 3 games? 0. Clemson's feasting on TOs in their 9 wins against mostly overmatched competition. The Clemson offensive game plan is usually to protect Klubnik from himself and work the short passing game while attempting to pound both he and Mafah until the weaker opponent breaks down. Against better teams, the Clemson running game has been held in check and they've been forced to try to let Klubnik and the young WR corps, along with Briningstool, win the game. They're 2-3 in those contests, with wins against an overmatched SMU on the last play of the game and Pitt in the final minute of the game when Pitt failed to spy Klubnik adequately and let him go streaking. "Sure, CTJ, but we've never played these guys and their brand terrifies me in my feelings." Clemson has beaten 10 teams this season with a combined record of 54-66. That includes an 11-2 SMU team that played virtually no one and shit itself twice against decent competition. I already discussed the two teams they beat with a winning record - a wildly overrated 11-2 SMU and a team in a disastrous state of collapse at the time of play (and continuing now) in 7-5 Pitt. The rest of their competition has either been dogshit that they obliterated, like a 5-7 FCS Citadel, or teams that paired up with them well and kicked their ass, like Georgia and Louisville. If you watched Clemson at all this year, you know that they looked slow and small against SCar and Georgia. They looked great against Wake Forest and North Carolina State. How do you expect them to match up against Texas, on the road? I'm thinking mudhole, to the tune of Texas 27 - Clemson 10. I'm not real sure how Clemson climbs above 13, even if Bad Quinn Ewers and Evil Bert Auburn show up and try to give the damned thing away. Thoughts? Hook'em
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
California Penal League -
OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
In the hierarchy of condescending and generic man names, where does "champ" rank for most people? I think "fella" is the absolute bottom of the barrel. Somebody at the grocery store or Blockbuster video store calls you "fella" after shoulder checking you, it's high time for fisticuffs. "Champ" probably tumbles in slightly above that for me. I get called "champ" and start looking over my shoulder for Ricky fucking Schroder. After that it's "bud". When that waxed mustachioed bartender tells you to "check your vibes, bud" after you dressed him down for telling you that a martini can only be made with gin, it's time for a swift kick to that fucker's crotch. "Friend" doesn't exactly set me off, but it does let me know that I could I never be that guy's friend. Sitting atop the chain of common appellation condescension has to be "guy". It subtly signals both tones of derision and moderate respect, all at the same time. Dismissed as time warps from the early 20th century are pal, mack, and jack and anyone using those terms in common parlance should immediately receive an atomic wedgie. -
OU Recruiting 2025: Truck Balls and Broken Dreams
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
This dude was a national top 75 guy. Texas and Georgia wanted him. You don't get to spin this as a good thing for you guys. You've lost more than 30% of your roster and the turnover has been in that range for the last 3 cycles. Maybe there's a correlation there to sucking. Maybe. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
The bigger red flag to me is the large amount of upfront money and no further discussion of ongoing cash payments. I guess the aggies can be that stupid, but that's widely known as "not a best practice" when it comes to NIL. Really, really desperate schools do that. This one is a surprise to the okies. They did just land a transfer from Stanford at OT, fwiw. -
There are multiple starters on that list, multiple contributors or starters before injury, and young guys that they didn’t want to leave. Bread also. Fundamentally, losing almost a third of your roster in year 3, something is wrong. They did the same thing last year. Same for ATM both years. It’s not healthy.
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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Allegedly, Cook’s problems aren’t of the prima donna type. @Hank_Hill has the right idea. Until that’s fixed, if it gets fixed, Cook wouldn’t be a take for anyone. They focus on the portal. They’re not going to outpace Texas or Ohio State, but they can go nuts here and there for guys and force the bigger players to make difficult decisions that are incongruent with their processes. This could be one, but a WR choosing Ole Miss versus Texas can also be viewed as a toss-up, without NIL being out of whack. -
Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!
closetojumping replied to closetojumping's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
We have a wreath fund for precisely that issue. @immamac has already booked your Spirit Airlines flight for tomorrow morning. I think I speak for all of us when I say, thank you for your service.- 8407 replies
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