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Everything posted by closetojumping
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The annual college football magazine thread
closetojumping replied to Knoxtnhorn's topic in Football
Yeah, I got mine from B&N on Saturday. You can see, as your error shows, that he had it more hastily put together this year. I get it, he wants to wait until all of the transfer info is processed and I don't mind it, but there is an element of sloppiness that wasn't there before. He has Malik Muhammad going in the first round and then doesn't list him in the draft eligible CB list of 65. For numerous teams, he has zero recruits in for spring (IFS), including Texas. That dude loves ranking OU and ATM. It's comical. I've said all offseason that OU has a better team than folks think, while everyone is severely overrating ATM's roster. Steele has OU at #9, which is idiotic. Their roster isn't a top 10 roster. Their schedule is pretty tough. Their ceiling is 8 wins. I forget where he ranked ATM, but he ranked them. Then when you read through his ATM page, he basically breaks everything down to "trust The Elk". He overrates York hilariously. Overall, it's still a very fun and informative magazine. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Basically all Gen X females. -
Kosi Okpala - Breaker of Dark Streaks, Uplifter of Fucktarded Forums The guy has great size and I assume is from a west African family, which usually translates pretty fucking well to the Texas football program as a culture fit. I'll take it.
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
To be fair, there's been some inflation since the 1940's for whatever you desire. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
There is a market for fucking celebrities? How is the first that I'm hearing of it? What are going rates? I assume someone like Melissa McCarthy is probably pretty inexpensive, but your basic Sabrina Carpenter is a bit pricey. Is there an arbitrage opportunity related to maybe age (like, say, Jane Seymour or Halle Berry) or psychosis (Britney Spears)? -
I have 3 boys. They begged to watch this. I took my wife, youngest daughter and 3 boys to see this one this evening. I read both books in the 90’s and convinced a troop of my friends to go watch JP on opening day and it became loved. I hated the 2nd movie but have been easy on all of the other ones. This new one was terrific for what it was. If you don’t want to watch a Jurassic Park movie, don’t go. If you dig those, this one is just fine. Also, ScarJo is a fatty. She needed 6 more months of work before filming. It was unfortunate to see.
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
“Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: We’re Going To Repeat A Lot Of NIL Discussion” If we have to choose a Green Day motif, can we choose something other than their most terrible song? ”Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Dookie”, for instance. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Sadly, the title of this thread still works very effectively. The direction of the comment doesn't feel the same right now, however. Might be time for a change. "Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Swing-And-A-Miss Steve Rides Again" "Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Still Doing Better Than Oklahoma" "Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Hoisted By Other Fucktards" "Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Getting the Chokehold Buttfuck" I don't know. Something along those lines. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
It's as I've been saying, one of three things is happening, probably all at different places: 1) Programs are making up money and hoping to backfill it on success and rev share later. (USC, at least) 2) Programs are foregoing what they have on campus to make big offers to recruits and build from there. (ATM, Florida) 3) Programs are going to wash through more than $20.5M and call it all rev share, whatever the numbers are. (LSU) There are probably some morons who just aren't calculating the current roster much at all for future monetary needs and just assuming "it will work itself out" when, indeed, it very well may not. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
List of thread derails, from best types to the most inane, insipid shit imaginable. 1) Arguing over hottest famous women. 2) Arguing over hottest women on campuses. 3) Personal stories about random subject matter triggered by some mention in a recruiting update. 4) Cheese puns. 5) Campus weather discussions. 6) Academic dick-measuring among schools competing for a player. 7) Reliving terrible shit in Texas football history. 8 ) BBQ snobs finding their way from the food board to discuss brisket smoking nuances and other super dumb shit associated to BBQ snobbery. -
WR/TE, no doubt. OL is a push. They're returning one actual starter, a part time starter (started because the actual starter went down to injury in game 10) and a transfer starter from Rice. That's a patchwork OL to open the season. At least Texas will have 3 guys with actual starting experience on the Texas OL opening the year. I don't see how RB or QB is up for grabs. Sayin is a redshirt freshman who has never played. We've seen what Manning can do and he's got an extra year in his system. At TB, they return a 3rd stringer true soph, with the equivalent of Gibson's numbers, and the oft-injured starter from WVU. Texas returns a 1,000 yard rusher and 2 other guys with substantial experience. Atkinson on the OSU Edge, the UNC transfer, is solid. But you're right, I think the DLs are imbalanced in favor of Texas. Same at LB. Texas returns more experience and talent in the secondary. Ohio State has the best overall player in Downs. Their returning starting CB, the only other returning starter, was burnt more often than Tom Herman's toast. They return everyone from a good special teams units. I think this is actually the biggest issue for Ohio State versus Texas in game 1. Hartline wasn't ready the first time he got the reins of the offense. Is he going to have everything in rhythm against the best defense in CFB in game 1? I don't see it. Matt Patricia is a fucking buffoon. He's been hated just about everywhere he's been and then ultimately run out of town due to performance. They replaced a borderline genius DC with this guy, and he's got to have 8 new starters working cohesively within the unit against what portends to be one of the better offenses in the country.
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I was talking about returning 1,000 yard rushers. Of course there'd be 50+ across 135 2024 FBS teams. Surprised it's not more than 51. The premise was that Wisner was part of a large, returning crowd of 1000 rushers and I was skeptical of that. Looking at the list provided by SimkinsMan, my skepticism is mostly justified. There are 26 returning 1,000 yard rushers. 5 of those are QBs, 3 of whom play in run-first systems. Another guy is a triple option offense guy. 8 of the 26 played last year in a P4 program, and Wisner is the 5th highest rushing RB in that group. So, it's not really super looney for a magazine to be listing Wisner as a 3rd team preseason AA. Here is the list of returning 1000 yard FBS rushers for 2025, which features interesting information about where some of these guys are landing:
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There are 50ish RBs returning to FBS that rushed for over 1000 yards last year? That doesn’t sound close to being right but I haven’t looked it up. Mostly, I just think Athlon is being lazy because he’s one of the only P4 returners that did rush for 1000 (in 16 games).
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Ohio State and Texas made payrolls of $25M last year. The 2025 Texas numbers were fucked up in terms of the layer cake when delivered to Bohls, but in the grand scheme, correct. He described them incorrectly but the total was right. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
Just so we’re on the same page here, you do realize that you’re actively engaging with one of the lowest IQ, highest vaginally juiced fucktards in all of longhorn netdom, right?- 8971 replies
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
"Every cycle is different." Since the 2022 cycle forward, NIL and the portal have combined to create an extremely complicated landscape to navigate. Texas (the Surly/Burton cabal, the AD, Sarkisian and staff, big money boosters) have solved the riddles presented in front of it each time. It hasn't been voodoo or just following the same "process". It's taken a lot of collective buy-in and hard, smart work and some luck each time. Hell, part of why Saban quit is because he couldn't model future recruiting cycles and portal activity into his "process". I don't know how much of the details he's gone into publicly about that, but he's gone into the nitty gritty on it in private, and he's become a plaintive bitch about it. At some point during each cycle, something has clicked for everyone involved and Sarkisian has been able to close on recruits, the current roster, and portal candidates. You can find the moments on the timelines for each period, really. Whatever the case, each cycle from July 1, 2021 forward has involved a spring/summer period of complete fucking shock. This one looks no different. I think a lot of folks are currently flatfooted by how some other programs are initial handling ramifications around House. "Past performance does not really inform future returns." I think this is important to note for this board, largely because there seems to be a reflexive "this is how it always goes" notion from the natives of this forum. I get it, but I'm not personally subscribing to that line of thinking. Why? Because the dynamics of this cycle are, yet again, different. Some of the money being thrown around by other schools, whether because they can (Oregon, Michigan) or because they're desperate (USC, LSU, Florida) or because they cannot help themselves and refuse to fall behind (Ohio State, Notre Dame) is fucking shocking. This is not a case of $100k making the difference. When other offers are coming over the top of yours by more than $1M for non-QB roles, that's just flat out new. Don't conflate some of these situations with a collective getting or staying aggressive, either. Some of this is coming through the school and not subject to the same compliance. It's "rev share" money. What happens if what's reported to be 85% of $20.5M is really $35M because the program can just do that? I haven't read the House agreement, but what I've heard and what makes sense is that if someone is washing through the rev share, no one externally is going to have the mechanisms to see or hinder that, or punish it. So what can programs do if that's the case? Do it as well? Not likely. Most schools cannot. The $20.5M is a huge fucking burden to get to in the first place. Other schools are just not going to take that approach. It seems pretty clear to me that Texas isn't going to do anything of that sort. Keep building through collectives? The burden has now been lightened for boosters at places like Texas, no doubt. However, if Texas wants to reach the mountain top and stay around there, they're going to have to be honest with themselves about it, much as Ohio State and Notre Dame are currently having to be as well. Will Texas? I don't know, but I'm relatively informed and still optimistic. "Maybe everyone is just catching up to us in NIL!?" I feel like this anxiety needs to walk away from the keyboards of this board, if nowhere else. No one is going to "catch" a competitive advantage. There is a very small handful of schools that sit above the rest in terms of access to capital and House doesn't change that. Texas would have to choose to give that up. Is that something a totally aligned organization and its benefactors are going to let happen? It seems unlikely. I think it is fair to think that Texas is still surveying the landscape and not making all of the moves early, but it will eventually take action and flips and surprises will fall in our favor down the line. I also think it is prudent to realize that there's risk on in this cycle that either may not happen or the calculations will be wrong, with timing being yet another factor that could work against Texas out of nowhere. "The current season doesn't really impact the current recruiting cycle." One final thought around all of this is that the performance within the season now matters more than ever. The old thought above this in bold is now an old trope. Money being funneled in for recruiting and roster management is some of the same money recruiting to buyout an old coaching staff and to hire a new one. Florida's money started flowing after they decided to keep Sun Belt Billy. If that flips and they have to fund a big buyout, there will be blood with that roster and recruiting class. If USC fucks the chicken again, they likely still can't afford to buyout Riley, but that obvious future need may well close off the NIL valve and lead to serious attrition even without coaching change. These are scenarios that will play out at multiple schools before the mythical "signing day" in December. I think Texas is going to have another amazing year on the field, so it can only benefit from the carnage within the realm of poor performance and coaching hot seats and firings.- 8971 replies
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I worked with a woman for 6 years who was very hot in just about every way - great figure, face, hair, style, brains, attitude, you name it. Also, she had toe-thumbs. It was a distraction once you noticed it to the point of affecting how you viewed her overall appearance. -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I can say with absolute certainty that most of the women I hooked up with were hotter than her, including the one I wake up with these days. Also, her legs and knees are borderline disturbing. -
So you guys would like to go, dare I say, back to the bone?!?! IYKYK
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! This is so over the top that I’m almost forced to believe it. Then I think about all of you pear-shaped people I’ve seen at the tailgates over the years and remember that Chili dog would be all over Heather Graham like white on rice if he had the chance. Emma Stone. Anna Kendrick. -
It's not like we like any of that shit either, but this is the path the school's leadership chose. Some byproducts of that decision are fine - the competition, bigger brands, money, recruiting. Some are not - generally being affiliated with a bunch of mouthbreathing, chestbeating hillbillies, seeing credit taken for UT's achievements and players' achievements, cheating, SEC chants, etc.
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It also might have helped that Bama didn't integrate the football team until the 1971 season. Elevate talent, innovate on offense and, voila, a great decade. When did Bryant switch out his aging staff for a bunch of new blood? My father's told me all of my life that one of the key things Bear did that DKR didn't was that he switched out his staff when things got stale and Bama wasn't winning at the level that Bryant thought they should be. I've never really fact-checked that, but your post reminded me of the premise.
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Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
I don't see Texas as a serious contender here, but that can't be bad news for Texas. See if you can't get him to watch some of the season and how it plays it for everyone. See if other NIL coffers get depleted and the price becomes worth it to Texas. Etc., and so on. If Miami is his play, then getting him to watch some of the season would be helpful. Beck's plain as grits, still hurt to some degree and they don't have a solid backup. They lost everyone with starting experience at RB, WR, and TE. They have James Brockermeyer starting for them at C. On defense, they have one guy with 5.5 sacks returning and another with 3.5. They lost 8 defensive starters. They open the season with Notre Dame, Bethune Cookman, South Florida and Florida in the first 21 days. They don't play Clemson, GT, or Duke, all of whom should be good, but they do get Louisville, FSU, Syracuse, SMU, NC State, and Pitt, so the ACC tilts may not be total crap. -
Left Behind: A Quick Dose Of Post Big 12 Reality
closetojumping replied to LTtxfan's topic in Football
I understand and generally agree with the sentiments in this post. That said, I do think being dismissive of the "conspiracy theory" that the guy was set up is hasty. Whatever side of the political spectrum anyone trends, pause has to be given these days to dismissing damned near anything immediately. How many Onion and Babylon Bee headlines over the last decade have then ultimately proven true or become true later? I know someone was tracking them at some point and both had hit rates in the double digits, which is disturbing to me. Case in point here, the female was a UU student, right? Now that he's being suspended and subsequently preparing to transfer, she withdraws the case, which was not a criminal case at any point. It's still farfetched as a set-up but it just got closer to not being totally unbelievable. I'm assuming that, what it really is, is an ex that got pissed off for some reason and knew that this would hurt the guy substantially. Anything benefitting or harming a school was likely a complete nonfactor in her decision-making and she wasn't put up to it by anyone else. Probably. Right? -
Texas Recruiting Notes 2026: Boulevard of Broken Bagmen
closetojumping replied to texifornia's topic in 🤫$9.95🤫
People follow silents because they represent hope and reasons for optimism about a class. If they didn't find them entertaining in some form, they wouldn't be following recruiting. I don't put much stock into them any more than the rest of us on this board, but they don't bother me. They don't bother any of the rest of you, either, or you wouldn't be here.
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