hundredTT

******

My phones on 5% goodnight keep the fight going.

Is anyone a available to call? I’m freaking out

Checking in. I did 3 days again sober and am drunk as fuck now. I think in my mind 3 days justifys I’m not a hard core addict. The worse part is my loved ones think I’m checked into rehab. I honestly do not even remember how I convinced them, and they are very hands off when it comes to me. I can convince them of anything. I’m in a parking lot now on my second pint in hutto at Lowe’s. Feeling so great. I’m honestly scared real life will never reach me like this. Im jobless and family has taken me in. How does one admit he’s a drunken loser? Any advice? I’m so scared what my life might be...

Andy Reid is Jeff Fisher without the douchness. He’s a loveable loser, but will never win shit. Won’t win shit even with Mahomes. commentators like Colin Cowherd lick his ass, but he’s a straight dud. Hope Mahomes is out for the year, chiefs tank, and something drastic happens. Matt Moore is historically bad!

Bwhahahahahahaha 'cops state of mind'. Fuck attorney's too, second biggest pieces of shit next to cops. Having been a first responder in the past, you have to assume every situation you go into will be unsafe. "Low Light" and "shit scattered around" is the name of the fucking job and no excuse whatsoever. About every case I investigated dealt with those conditions, and much worse usually. At least these people didn't have any pets running around, because this fuckstick would have killed them as well, and I'm sure would have said they were a threat to his life. Fuck what this twats defense argues in court, he should be given life. Thank God he didn't kill the kid as well. Maybe if police see life-sentences handed out, they will think twice before murdering people. As of now, these low sentences and sometimes no sentencing at all will do jackshit to change anything.

Only aggy says that bullshit misspelling Tech shit hahah. My god, I hope people aren’t using aggisms on surly.

HAHAHA so it has to be literal rape on the field for a PI to be overturned. The league fucked this up so bad, now it's just a joke.

If I was the owner head coach would be fired for just being a complete idiot. Whyyy punt there? I seriously cant make sense of it.

Gordon looks to be in pain. Hope his marijuana relief doesn't sneak up.

BearSchlong Ive contacted him at shaggy years ago 2014 maybe?. Not sure he remembers me. I will reach out to him soon, I know for sure he can help. Im so drunk I dont know how im typing

Because I've alienated about everyone else in my life, as I said this is my diary. I used shaggy around 3 years ago for inspiration to quit and I had 2.5 years sober on my own until last November. I'm not here to troll or gain sympathy. fuck off if you think that. Shag has helped me before, and I read every post seriously knowing I am dealing with people who have been in my shoes. Obviously I know what my fate will be if this goes on, and sometimes I think it's best to just die on my own by the bottle and free everyone's worries. I'm tires of my mom and dad + brothers making me such a burden, but I know they wont stop worrying, fucking makes me rage though. I don't know what my end game is, but I will continue to post here, so go fuck yourself if that bothers you.

My cashier at my pflugerville boozehouse asked me the same thing, we are very cool at this point. I told him it's because it's easier to hide, straight up. Ive walked past my girlfriend numerous times with pints in my pocket - tucked in my shirt when I have 4+, easier to discard as well. I always wondered how purveyors of alcohol feel about selling to obvious addicts, but apparently no fucks are given. I used to try and spread my purchases around, but that was tired after around a year. No fucks given now.

Here's a pic of my life now, killed Mccormick in 30 mins, Svedka is almost gone now: https://ibb.co/s9HgRgP About to start pint 3, and just starting to get pretty tipsy and feelin no pain. Been hanging in there, again apologize after reading yesterdays dumb posts, embarrassing. Had to pull over driving today because I thought I was about to stroke out driving. Feels like the same anxiety that crept up last time I had this issue 3 years ago, but my health is much more poor. so I've been scared all day. Going to try and see a doctor tomorrow, I know something bad is right around the corner.

Im gonna stfu sorry Diablo, not sure I was even replying to the right person. I’m a fucking deadbeat, obviously shouldn’t be hard to see that. Good night fellas

She’s the one who stays. Believe it or not, you can be loved and still be a drunk. Not everyone beats their Wife in this state - she is free to leave whenever, she’s the one who comes back every-time and tries to save me. Hell I could beat the bitch and she’d still believe in me. Wouldn’t happen, but I can manipulate her like silly putty.

See you in hell, wait you’ll be blind motherfucker. I’m feeling amazing, crazy how I know this feeling is just temporary, but damn I don’t think I could ever feel even close to this good sober.

My SO has no idea what my alcohol level is. I’ve tricked so many people, I thought I had mastered booze covering. My so actually liked me more because with booze I would open up and pay attention to her bs. I still have most people tricked about how bad I am. I use to feel special like I was a functional alcoholic and I beat the system. Where I am at now and how fast I’ve been stricken to nothing, I’m not stupid enough to know I’ll be dead soon. Honestly, I cannot break my cycle at this point of needing around 3 pints of vodka to feel normal and around 5 to ease all my pain. I have around 2 month later left of backpay at my job, after that I think I’d rather be dead than go on at a homeless shelter. My mindset is to go all out.

Thanks for the worries brothers. I’m at a complete loss and I know it. I stopped coughing up blood yesterday, it goes in waves it seems. I’m not dumb and know I still have a bad prob though. It seems alright now though, so I’ll wait for another flair. My fiancée and I are working it out, I’m not sure what else to say at this point. Love y’all but I’m not even close to wanting to quit boozin.

At what point does coughing up blood get to the point of major life threatening stuff? Had it before but it was seldom. On my third day of slight blood, taste it more and more in my throat at night. I’m at the point of needing booze everyday or I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack/heart attack or faint come noon. Every day I almost wonder if booze is gonna finally send me to the ER, but honestly after around 5 drinks, everything fells about perfect. I’m 2 1/2 pints in and have no more body aches, headaches, or any pain at all. Only issue is when I lay down, the heartburn is almost unbearable unless I have around 10 tums and the blood taste is very bad. I know something bad is going on, just about feel I’m past the point of return now. I tired some other drugs but it’s not me, can’t kick the booze though. Again, sorry for sounding like a broken record - just airing out my shit.

Holy fuck, that was a great fight!

I'm 31. I Was previously hundredwaters on shaggy, posted about my alcohol addiction in 2016, was sober from April 2016 to October 2018, got sober on my own. I've been drinking everyday since my relapse in 10/2018. My biggest fear is I've never been someone who gets much out of life. When i'm high/drunk...I've won awards for photography, had amazing sex with beautiful women from confidence, just a very outgoing person who people warmed up to. When I'm sober I am safe, but just so fucking boring. I hate the thought of a normal life...working at the comptroller downtown 9-5 with 2 extra hours in traffic. Sometimes I think I'd rather blow my brains out than that. Drinking and drugs at least get me into interesting shit. And fuck a religious awakening where I admit powerless to a false God, I've never been religious and that shit pushed me away more than anything. I'm open to other options for sobriety, but do not want to be apart of 12 steps or anything like that. Again, not hating on anyone here who has found success through that, and there are amazing people here. It's not ever going to be me.

I know too. I didn’t know how else to say thanks but no thanks for the generosity that truly is beyond amazing. People on here are no doubt just great humans beings. I feel like this is my only outlet, so kind of makes me feel good about coming clean. I’ve experimented with a dangerous drug the last 2 days, my new living situation isn’t ideal for sure. I’m textbook fucked up alcoholic who is circling the drain. First time ever using drugs in my entire life, but I really have come to the point where I don’t give much shits anymore. Not trying to come off as “look at me” just thought I’d continue to share my journey. I’ve been sharing on here since 2015 on shaggy, this is basically my diary. I just don’t know what getting sober would accomplish at this point, except living longer. But what is living when there’s nothing to live for anymore...

Damn you guys are the fucking best, I feel guilty for now rejecting the offer. I’ve found steady living. I’m gonna stay in the Austin area and see how this plays out. God bless y’all.

I’m still alive and kicking. Spent all day trying to get living arrangements set up, no one is willing. Have about $100 in my account, so going to be spending the night in my car. Currently in Hutto, TX in a parking lot. Just got my usual from twin liquors and Bush’s. I guess I’m homeless at this point, I definitely have to figure this shit out tomorrow. Thank you guys for all the advice, I know you all know your shit and have been through it all. Time to start listening and admit I am powerless. https://ibb.co/SwffBTf