This one is confusing for me. I haven’t spoken to my dad in over a decade, by my choice. It was the right decision, and he brought it on himself, but life can be like blackjack; you can play it perfectly and still lose. I’m better without him, but every boy/man wants a father and it leaves a hole in you.
One of my three boys has been making bad decisions for the past 18-mos. Been through Menninger, in-patient, IOP, APG, wilderness, and a therapeutic boarding school. I have lived in a constant state of fear for his safety. He directs much of his anger toward me, tells me what a POS I am, that I’m the world’s worst father, and how he wants the whole world to know. Says it all in front of his friends, my friends, his brothers, etc. He definitely knows how to twist the knife. Recently, I had to put a stop to it and cut him off. Hardest decision of my life. Fathers are supposed to protect their children, but I’m helpless and can only hope he is saved from himself long enough to find his path.
This is my first Father’s Day after, and it feels empty even though my other two boys are with me. I didn’t plan on writing all of this. It just came out. This particular group of assholes really knows how to shift gears and circle the wagons. Thanks for reading, and Hook ‘em. Let’s get those piggies today.