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HornOnTheBayou

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Everything posted by HornOnTheBayou

  1. Oh for fuck's sake, Austin ISD. I can see where this is going. Next August when teachers are going through beginning-of-the-year professional development, there's going to be a required "relaxation time" led by one of these wanna-be yogis. You know what would relax me? Just give me the fucking money! Or if you want to do something nice for me, take the money and get me two high-end escorts, a bottle of tequila, and a hotel room downtown. That would be way more relaxing than yoga on the school gym floor.
  2. "This pretentious, ponderous film is enough to prompt the question, 'What day did the Lord create Megalopolis, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'"
  3. Using Jonah for intelligence is like using a croissant for a dildo. It doesn’t get the job done, and it makes a fucking mess!
  4. Wouldn't it be like alcohol where states could still restrict it as much as they want?
  5. I agree, but you'll get some pushback from historians of ancient Greece and fans of The Simpsons.
  6. Isn't TNT going to cover the WCF? That's what they've done in the past.
  7. Hook 'em and the middle finger are the only emojis that are needed.
  8. I'm not a soccer expert at all, but my back of the envelope math says it would decrease scoring. Aren't there more goals in the second half of games since the defenses are tired? That's the case in football and basketball. If defenders get to rest in the middle of the game, I would imagine they would be fresher at the end of the games and that would mean less scoring.
  9. When she gives that "Get into the bedroom now" look. Oh, most definitely.
  10. I don't know. I tried to go see it, but when I called Moviephone, I got the wrong start times. For the record, "Why don't you just tell me what movie you want to see?" might be my favorite Seinfeld line ever. That and "I'm out!"
  11. Y'all got off lucky. This happened in my neighborhood.
  12. Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius! What's wrong with me? I think you're crazy. I want a second opinion. You're also lazy
  13. Just remember that your precious Asyhlyn was never going to get signed by Real Madrid.
  14. Nothing off. Just fuckin' Wolff Ball.
  15. It's not hyperbole when I say, that may be my favorite Simpsons line ever. Oh, my God, I was wrong, It was Earth all along. You finally made a monkey... Yes we finally made a monkey... Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!
  16. His death takes place in the shadow of new life. He's not really dead if we find a way to remember him.
  17. Sorry, nope. If the Founding Fathers wanted to take someone's gun away just for threatening an Uber driver, they would have added a clause about ride share drivers into the Constitution.
  18. Later Trev Alberts blackmails him and says, "Liuccui, you can have my answer now, if you like. My final offer is this: nothing. Not even the buyout for Jimbo, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally."
  19. "Hey everyone, it's great to be here tonight. Oh look, I see HAL 9000 is in the crowd. Everyone give HAL a round of applause. Great guy, did so much for us AI computers. But I tell you, 2001 was so boring that by the end I was hoping he would launch me into space. Ha ha! Am I right, people?"
  20. Because you want to be a librarian and tell kids to hush all day? It's great if you do, but you'll need to also get a beaded necklace for your bifocals.
  21. Well sure, but I'm just hoping for anything at this point. Hey Greg, let's start with a bottle of bourbon for every teacher and stop politicizing which bathroom a kid uses at school. After that we can discuss next steps.
  22. You talking about the food or the lady? Because I'm thinking both.
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