Weedwacker string dude. Close.
Whole different ballgame this year. Thanksgiving will consist of two meals. One on Thursday with my parents (and crazy aunt and uncle) and the other with my in laws on Friday which will be much more chill (well...as chill as it could be given my sister-in-law and brother-in-law).
A few weeks ago, much to my disapproval, my mom invited her sister (and her husband) and her brother (and his wife) to thanksgiving at their house in Tyler. Now, my aunt has been married 6 times (I believe - my dad says he has to use two hands to count now). This husband is a retired life insurance actuary with a wine problem. Weird thing is...they keep tabs on each other constantly. If my mom and her sister go somewhere to eat, he will call in the middle of the meal and ask her what she's eating. She'll call him when he orders a pizza and has it delivered because she will monitor the front door cameras religiously. My mom's brother who is coming to thanksgiving was arrested about 15 years ago for possession (I won't say what of - he's on the registered sex offender list) but has apparently turned his life around. GTFO of here with that shit. I really enjoy talking with his wife though. She's very down to earth and chill. That whole shindig will be my parents, my dad's sister, those two couples, and my family (wife, son & I).
Friday, I'm smoking 4 racks of ribs at my in laws. I might even do a pork belly. We'll see. My MIL just finished up her chemo and radiation about 2 months ago. My FIL just wants someone to cook and hang out with as he hates his other son-in-law. Like, literally hates. My sister-in-law (the one who is coming to thanksgiving) and her husband are the most worthless human beings on the face of the planet. Well, mainly just her husband. They are both raging alcoholics and the husband has to have control over everything she says, does, the way she looks, etc. But here's the kicker, he has no job and has had no job for his entire life. Like, if you look at his "resume", it's blank. He freeloads off his parents. They have been without running water since the freeze last February. Yes, you read that correctly. They "shower" with the garden hose. They have no way to do their own laundry so they borrow other people's washer and dryer. His dad is building them a house right next door to their house in Conroe. It should be finished by December (so that's almost a year without running water). He has conditioned her in to thinking that it's all normal and not out of the ordinary. Yet, there are people in fucking Africa and the Amazon that have better living accommodations than they do. So anywho, I'm taking my son to the deer lease the Sunday before thanksgiving and hunting with my FIL, processing deer Wednesday with my in laws, smoking meat on Friday and watching football with my FIL.
As for Christmas - stay tuned.