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Walden Ponderer

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Walden Ponderer

  1. Walden Ponderer
  2. Walden Ponderer
  3. Walden Ponderer
    That's nice, Jenna. I don't care if you get your face stuck in the floormat beating machine at the car wash.
  4. Walden Ponderer
    So... it is a suicide pact?
  5. Walden Ponderer
    Well, that's what you get for trying to insert Bill Gates' microchips for him.
  6. Walden Ponderer
    There's a bit in Tolkien about this, when the orcs are having a go at each other. "These maggot folk" will drop their quarrels in a heartbeat if there's libs to be owned.
  7. Walden Ponderer
    Your point (and it is a good one) hints at an even larger problem with this entire debate about how to determine who was number 4: if it ain't #1, who gives a fuck?
  8. Walden Ponderer
    Actually, he's retiring. He's not recommending any fixes because he's reached the "I'm just sick of it all" phase.
  9. Walden Ponderer
    I'm not clicking that anal-warts-infested link. Do you have a TLDR?
  10. Walden Ponderer
    Just wait until you see this new dancing hamster video.
  11. Walden Ponderer
    How about, they have $4.50 between them, and someplace they need to be in 10 minutes. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.
  12. Walden Ponderer
    If you're stuffing your gullet for under $5, your standards for "good" don't need to be all that picky.
  13. Walden Ponderer
    I come here to read about Jenna & co. making poor choices, and instead find myself awash in Surly compatriots making even worse choices. Que sera.
  14. Walden Ponderer
    I didn't know candystripers were still a thing, but kudos to aggy for being gender inclusive with their sponge bath volunteers.
  15. Walden Ponderer
    Is there anything Ted Cruz can't convert from wholesome to icky?
  16. Walden Ponderer
    There are people who voted for this dunce. On purpose. That is a crazier fact than the existence of the platypus.
  17. Walden Ponderer
    What does she do with the other 14 and a half minutes?
  18. Walden Ponderer
  19. Walden Ponderer
    That's just good advice.
  20. Walden Ponderer
    Chili's chips and salsa were my daughter's first solid food. She was six months old at the time. That was the last time we set foot in a Chili's, though. 1999. We had a gift certificate as a late baby gift from my aunt. To be honest, I'm surprised Chili's still exists. They don't suck, necessarily, it's just that there's nothing they do well, with the possible exception of putting chips in a basket, but that's not enough for a franchise. They are the ultimate strip mall restaurant for the United States of Generica, I suppose.
  21. Walden Ponderer
    Jack Kemp ain't walkin' through that door.
  22. Walden Ponderer
    After his 2004 keynote address, I told my wife we were looking at the next two-term Democratic president. I know I was not the only one. Now, it's true I didn't see Trump winning, but to say nobody saw Obama winning is just not accurate. That having been said, I don't have the first fucking clue how the death throes of democracy are going to actually play out. It's like I've got Dr. Strange's ability to see possible futures, but instead of being a genius doctor given that gift, I'm a drunken monkey trying to figure out what's what.
  23. Walden Ponderer
    Next time I'm charged with insurrection, I'm going to claim innocence because of my chronic rockin' pneumonia and boogie-woogie flu.
  24. Walden Ponderer
    Counterpoint: Pizza without onions and jalapeños is naked and sad.
  25. Walden Ponderer

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