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Walden Ponderer

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Walden Ponderer

  1. "You can't arrest me for arson -- all the evidence showing I started the fire were burned to cinders."
  2. Hakuna matata. Not really a lol, but it's the coolest picture I think I've ever taken of our cats.
  3. I still think David Carradine has him beat.
  4. That would certainly explain every religious war in history.
  5. Can I interest you in the writings of Desiderius Erasmus? Political satire in particular has been uncomfortably close to reality for as long as humans have been articulate imbeciles, which is to say, forever.
  6. I'm pretty sure there's all sorts of things stuck to him. Ewww.
  7. This thread is what is wrong with post-modern sociopolitical norms: a series of people with little to no bearing on any issues anyone actually cares about absorb all the communicative oxygen, and when a real issue rears its head some moron like the seed dude comes along and argues that up is down, black is white, and Donald Trump is not a big fat criminal imbecile. Plato had it wrong: the shadows on the wall were not signs of things, or even signs of other signs. The were advertisements for next season's reality shows, the new substitute for, you know... reality.
  8. Once or twice a month is fine with a vertical top bar hive. Langstroth frames (what most folk use) are more labor intensive.
  9. Never heard of carrot salad before. Shredded carrots with Miracle Whip. Baptist potlucks in Llano when I was a kid, it was a permanent fixture. I figured you weren't allowed to fry chicken unless carrot salad was also on the menu.
  10. You want to know a rich person? Watch how they treat their staff. She's every bit as awful as her detractors say. Doesn't change the fact that she's right about Windsor racism, but it does dampen any desire I might have to join her fan club.
  11. Meghan is definitely a narcissist, which sucks, because she's likely to dump poor Harry in a couple of years, and apologists for the fucking House of Windsor will say "I told you so," even though everything the crazy little golddigger said was true. Sometimes, crazy people are right. Especially when they are calling out institutional evils.
  12. I was a grown-assed man before I found out there's cole slaw in the world not made with Miracle Whip. Ditto for carrot salad. Thankfully I was raised without the raisin abomination, though.
  13. Longest day of my life was spent at a wedding at the aggyland Church of Christ.
  14. I love how the one person least quoted by people from the C of C is Jesus. Probably less than 10 minutes a year spent thinking about the Sermon on the Mount in any given Church of Christ home.
  15. Church of Christ, oh how I adore thee. Y'all make Baptists look like party animals. If there are worse places on Earth tan Abilene, TX and Sparta, TN, I don't want to know about them.
  16. My family's bacon was saved this year by FMLA. I mention it because, liberal though I may be, that was Bush the Elder's baby. Thanks, guy.
  17. Y'all makin' it really hard not to be smug about moving away, I tell ya what. Texas has been synonymous with "bad government" for so long now, I'm not sure it is fixable, even if every jot and tittle of racist election law were thrown out tomorrow. The rest of the country isn't exactly swimming along in blissful prosperity at the moment, but you do hear "at least we're not in Texas" an awful lot.
  18. I remember going there in 1999. The one and only time we ever went to a Chili's. We had a gift card from a baby shower, and our then-6-month-old surprised us by grabbing her first ever solid food: chips and salsa. She liked it fine at the time, but she has grown up to be the sort of person who prefers, you know.... good salsa.
  19. Pretty sure that's tofu, not feta. Though, "Yeah, we don't care" still applies, I s'pose.
  20. Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry get stranded on a desert island. Who survives? Texas.
  21. My fundamentalist sister-in-law lives in Alabama, and disowned my wife nearly 20 years ago (cancel culture, anyone?) over support for same-sex marriage. She sought us out last year to apologize, expressly because her political party had abandoned its principles by supporting a philandering, lying, cheating, stealing scumbucket of orangish hue. Yeah, I can't really argue with her there. But for those in a faith, especially a fundamentalist faith, bucking the herd trends is not even remotely an easy thing to do, and so numerous otherwise respectable people cast morally repugnant ballots. It happens.
  22. (Insert long dialogue regarding Plato's allegory of the cave here.)
  23. ...except that the detachment of political realities from one's day to day life allows the dichotomy to be real. Yes, there are a bunch of evil gits in the Republican party right now. But there are also a lot of people who, if the subject of elections or government generally never came up, you would think were reasonable and decent. Infotainment has worsened this phenomenon. It has always been true, though, that everyone alive believes things that are foolish, factually incorrect, and morally questionable, and that includes the hyper-intelligent and the most noble among us. It's usually a question of degree, but it's universal. As to how many Republicans are in this "ought to know better" category, we're just gonna have to wait and see. Epiphanies don't always roll out on schedule.
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