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Walden Ponderer

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Everything posted by Walden Ponderer

  1. Walden Ponderer
    I'm just sad that the clock is gonna run out on Jenna's ability to do porn before she comes to the realization that it's the only way she has left of ever making another dime.
  2. Walden Ponderer
    I generally avoid looking in the windows of known violators of bestiality regulations.
  3. Walden Ponderer
    I have been irritated by the appropriation of the term "Q" because until about five years ago it was strictly the provenance of extremely dry conversations in theological research circles doing legitimate forensic literary analysis. It's the difference between a dissertation on how the various sources of Buddhist sutras might have been influenced by geopolitical change in the Indian subcontinent over the last three millennia vs. dropping acid and listening to "The Wall" at full blast during the new moon.
  4. Walden Ponderer
    I was glad JLo sang "This Land is Your Land" but I thought that other Woody Guthrie classic, "Old Man Trump" might have been a better choice.
  5. Walden Ponderer
    Well, without a last second flight path change to Moscow, there's an outside chance somebody in the New York state penitentiary system just might do that. Provided they aren't allergic to Cheeto dust.
  6. Walden Ponderer
    I am wondering when the last time might have been that anyone from Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, ever changed their mind about anything?
  7. Walden Ponderer
    Deflated balls.
  8. Walden Ponderer
    I've been waiting to see who blinks first, corporate Rs or Trump Rs. As an actual Socialist, this makes me haz a sad, because Democrats will become the default landing point for the vastly outnumbered corporate Rs, who will keep the party from its necessary leftward turn after four decades of drifting right, but as someone who fucking hates goddamned Nazis, hey, whatever keeps them out of power, I gotta be for.
  9. Walden Ponderer
    Dear God, please let it mean that the dumbass rubes who would rather fuck the holes in their rugs than women who have their own thoughts did not come out to vote did not, actually, come out to vote. At this point, does ANYBODY with a brain still not think that Republicans are DUMBASS FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT? Anybody? Seriously? Because HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE IT??????
  10. Walden Ponderer
  11. Walden Ponderer
    Probably paid for by the Hunt brothers. Yes.
  12. Walden Ponderer
    Because how they vote means the difference between whether my son gets to have a job with the DOD decoding Russian cyphers, or if he's expected to sit in a goddamned nursing home in Brenham weaving baskets. Democrats are dumbasses, but they will give my son a future. Republicans are Nazis, and they will condemn him to masturbating in a morgue. It's that simple. And if you don't see that, you're an asshole.
  13. Walden Ponderer
    What fucking track is that? Georgia matters. you're saying it doesn't. People's fucking futures depend on this, and you are treating it like a goddamned game.
  14. Walden Ponderer
    Okay. I think you are a piece of shit, and have as little moral worth as Donald Trump. I hope that makes you happy. I'll just add, if I ever meet you, and you tell me of your cynicism face to face, I will, in fact, beat you to a pulp and feed you your own testicles. Nothing personal.
  15. Walden Ponderer
    Fine, keep your fucking secrets. But keep your fucking cynicism as well. This election fucking matters, and you pretending it doesn't accomplishes nothing other than proving that you are an extraordinary asshole.
  16. Walden Ponderer
    Quoted to get on the next page, because @Buzzrock fuck you, your ancestors, and your children for 3,000 generations. My son is directly impacted by what those redneck dumbasses in Georgia do. My fucking SON, who has a speech delay and some muscular response issues. He is a better person than you will EVER be, and his fate rests entirely on what the fucking government does. So FUCK. YOU. To 1,000,000,000,000,000 degrees. Sorry. Not personal. Ha.
  17. Walden Ponderer
    Do you have a disabled child whose entire fucking future depends on whether or not people are willing to give him a chance to contribute? If not.... FUCK YOU.
  18. Walden Ponderer
    That's because my ennui and despair are legitimate, as opposed to a fucking motif. I'm depressed as shit today, because the best that can happen is people in Georgia can say, "You know what? Stupidity is not smart." I'm supposed to be HAPPY about that?
  19. Walden Ponderer
    Some days it's hard to get out of the gutter. Days when the fate of the free world rests on fucking GEORGIA are like that.
  20. Walden Ponderer
    Frank Sinatra = manly man. Donald Trump = wishes he were as manly as Kermit the Frog.
  21. Walden Ponderer
    The fact that this election is even in question says all you need to know. We are a fucking moronic country full of fucking conservative flag waving pretend-Christian morons who do not fucking deserve to draw their next fucking breath. Oh. My. God. We'd have been better off never coming down from the fucking trees. Evolution was a mistake.
  22. Walden Ponderer
    No fucking shit. I get why people to the left of me are wondering when this country will find its cojones, but I'm wondering why the people to the right of me are such pussies, too. Trump and his enablers are anti-democratic assholes par excellence, who make George III look like a fucking angel, and we're sitting here wondering if we can vote them out of office rather than put them in the fucking firing lines they deserve. TREASON. Fucking TREASON. Ted Cruz commits it, and then tells people to fucking calm down. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
  23. Walden Ponderer
    My favorite aggy folk are actually former members of the Corps. I know, it's hard to believe that there's anybody in that cesspool I like. But anyway, they retired from the George Bush Library last year, and they are the cutest couple I have ever known, outside of me and Mrs. Ponderer. Gayer than $3 bills, of course. The reason the George Bush Museum is the biggest financial contributor over the past decade to Brazos Valley Pride, actually. And either one of them, let alone both together, would kick the everloving shit out of any one of the fucking dumbass, stupid motherfucking "Proud Boys" on general principle. This fact makes me giggle.
  24. Walden Ponderer
    Does it count that if the bullets start flying, his pants are gonna be fuller of crap than the New York sewer after Thanksgiving dinner?
  25. Walden Ponderer
    Some cults have staying power, others don't. The historical Jesus, whatever you think of his divinity, is admired by Buddhists, Taoists, Muslims, Jews, and secular humanists. Because he was basically a good person preaching love, peace, and harmony. Caligula and Nero had followers during their lifetimes, too. History and the world's religions are less kind to them for the same reason Trump's cult of personality will disappear when he does: they were assholes.

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