Walden Ponderer

This would be a much better world if George Clinton were, in fact, related to Hillary Clinton. Unless instead of elevating her game, it merely lowered his, in which case, that would suck pretty bad.

I can state with absolute certainty that if you are familiar with any of the more well known political commentators of the early 21st century, you are worse off for it.

There are dumber people in this country than Donald Trump. This fact depresses me.

Serious debate happening on a Facebook feed right now: who was a better person, Benedict Arnold or Donald Trump? For me, this debate is so preposterously over before it even starts, it's not funny. The Battle of Valcour Island makes Thermopylae look like a game of hide-and-go-seek. The best delaying action in history was perpetrated not by 300 Spartans, but by one (1!) American, Benedict Arnold. And that's before you even talk about the borrowed feathers of Horatio Gates, the so-called "Hero of Saratoga" who didn't do jack-shit at that battle. Benedict Arnold "lost" the battle that allowed the Revolution to continue to happen when he kep the Brits bottled up on Lake Champlain until it was too late to crush Washington in 1776. And then, he put the American militia in the correct positions to trap the Brits at Saratoga. Yes, pussy won. Peggy Shippen was probably hot enough to deserve it, if reports are to be believed. Either way, though, the bottom line is, sure, Arnold was a traitor. He betrayed the Americans. But that doesn't change the fact that we wouldn't have won the Revolution without him. Trump, though? Hasn't done jack shit other than betray us. China will be the #1 economy in the world in the next 2 years, and in the 21st century, there is no other measure of a country beside economics. So... he's betrayed us far, far worse than Arnold ever did.

Some Georgia voters were educated at Emory University. Some were not. You decide how likely it is that intellectual capacity will have much bearing one way or the other.

Argument: "He is the fattest, ugliest person in history! Rebuttal: "He is only 95% as fat and ugly as the fattest, ugliest person in history." Whelp, you done convinced me not to vomit when I think of him nekkid, yessirree.

Be careful when ascribing ownership. He has a lot of things under his brand that he does not actually own. Because in reality, most people on this board have a higher net worth than he does.

Same exact phenotype as my father in law. Who is an orthodontist. Who, and I am not making this up, actually said, "Don't be stupid. Fat is denser than muscle." Because Abilene Christian University science classes are as worthless as you would think they are. Fucking dumbasses elected this fat fucking dumbass, and they wonder why we continue to think of them as fat fucking dumbasses.

Having vacationed in both states, I can unequivocally state that Pennsylvania has smarter people, but Georgia has better cooks.

When I used an online booking service to reserve a hotel for our Washington, D.C. vacation a year ago, one of the most obvious criteria we had was to not stay in any Trump affiliated hotel. We avoided that possibility by requiring that they had high ratings for cleanliness and sanitation.

Fry it into a taco shell or a tostada shell. Otherwise, leave it in the fridge, you fucking troglodyte.

Any 9/11 memorial labeled "Freedom This" or "Freedom That" has it wrong. It should be "They Got Us". It was all about safety vs. not being safe; freedom as a concept never really figured into any of that shit. In fact, hardly anybody who ever goes on and on about "freedom" is ever really thinking about what "freedom" actually means. They are usually the same people who bitch and moan about criminal court "technicalities" like warrants, and presumption of innocence, and whatnot. I love freedom; I fucking hate people who talk about it.

If this year has taught me anything, it is that we should all be grateful Andrew Jackson never had a Twitter account.

Funny, I was thinking recently that the most relevant line from that movie for 2020 is "You're too short for that gesture."

Y'all remember when you were in 2nd grade, and the teacher had you trade papers to grade them, and she says "The answer to #2 is 'Blue'" and that kid in the last row raised his hand and said "What if they put 'Green'"? Yeah, that kid is now a lawyer for Donald Trump.

There was a news story recently about 5,000 pets being found... dead... in a Chinese logistics facility. And this is not something anyone really remembers. It hardly makes a blip. Because compared to the rest of 2020? It sounds like the setup to a joke. 2020 can fuck right off.

If Team Trump had any sense at all, they'd trade Herschel to Minnesota for a bunch of draft picks.

Frequent Fly Miles.