Truth is, I regret this is so. I want to believe my experience as a kid left me unwilling to be intimate without a gung-ho, unquestionably willing partner. (I was five when my babysitter taught me to how to use my fingers to make her orgasm. An experience both scary and exciting).
In college, I was walking home and encountered a classmate I was attracted to who was waiting for a bus well past bus hours, who declared she was very drunk. Because I held a crush, I told her to walk with me to my place, and we could use my truck to drive her home. When we got to my house, she explicitly made clear she was dtf. But, I was inhibited. I drove her home. But, I wanted to take her to bed.
She died in a car wreck the next week, with her boyfriend at the wheel. And I am left to wonder what might have been.
To be clear, opportunity without inhibition has always been a fact of my life, and taking selfish advantage of those opportunities is one of my regrets. But, maybe impairment doesn’t feed my ego? Or, perhaps, I aspire to not do that which was done to me.