You are deserving of good things and love. Feelings aren’t facts, although at times they can feel as such.
You’ve done the right thing by speaking up and realizing that you “feel” like that, even though that’s not reality. Just because our mind thinks somethings, that doesn’t make it so- again- feelings aren’t facts.
There are numerous things that could be firing in your head, life circumstances or imbalances in your body that might lead to those feelings.
What’s important now is to acknowledge them, understand that it’s not the reality, and seek help to identify what’s causing those feelings. It could be physiological or psychological causes, but it’s not true that you are undeserving.
A trusted, closed mouth friend at least, and a professional at best would be the important confidants at this point to help deconstruct those feelings and determine the root cause. From there, you’ll have a pathway forward.
God speed, and I pray you find some comfort soon, along with the necessary assistance to get some relief from the thoughts that are lying to your heart.
Your posting here is proof that your heart knows what your head is doing isn’t factual or the truth.