Other than pity sex, I don't think I've received any charity of any substance (not counting any number of small acts of kindness and generosity folks may show throughout your life). But I'm certainly the beneficiary of it - my mother and grandmother fled an abusive man in NOLA, and ended up in Kingsville. But for (1) gov't subsidized housing and food aid, (2) one of the leading families in the area setting my grandmother up with a bookkeeping job at a car dealer, and (3) that family also flat-out giving them things like some furniture, occasional money gifts, etc., there's no way they would have made it.
It certainly helped me see that no matter how proud you might be, and how much you might want to think "I've earned everything I've got," you almost certainly didn't. Other people helped out with pure generosity along the way, and you quite often don't even realize it. And that's okay -- both the helping and the you not realizing it. Just understand that it's true, and that it's but one piece of evidence in the long line of truth that is "we all do better when we help each other."
And I got to see it in action the other way numerous times, but one time in particular made a big impression on me as a kid. One of my cousins, a good bit older than me, but we were running buddies when we'd visit down in Mexico, had a store that failed. He was in a bit of debt, and at that time, Mexico had legit debtor's prison. I remember my folks sitting at the table crunching numbers, real concerned looks on their faces. I asked what was up, and my mother explained that cousin Julio was in jail, and his family couldn't get him out. He had a wife and a daughter on the outside who were just a wreck. I asked how much he needed to get out? $6k. My eyes got kinda big, because even at that young age, I knew that was a lot for our family -- maybe more than we had. I asked, anxious, if we were going to do it. My mother answered yes. I then asked if we were giving it, or was it just a loan. She explained that it was a loan, but we also knew that it wouldn't be paid back. She then explained that this is family, they need help, we can help, so that's what we're going to do.
Even though it was a stretch for us. Even though it surely meant we went another year without a replacement car. Or we went another year without an actual vacation trip (not that we really took many of those). I'm sure things were tight for a while. But it made an impression on me.
Can you help?
Then help.
I told that story at my father's memorial this year. And I learned that he had done similar things countless times. You need help? Here you go. He did that over and over. Maybe it was just giving $200. Another time it was him giving the company-paid first-class upgrades on a long intercontinental flight to his two subordinates who were flying with him from Buenos Aires to London for work. Or taking in my cousin and her (troubled and druggie) mother when they were on the edge of being on the streets. And goddamn, so many other things. And there's no shame in asking for or taking that help. It's why we're here. Fuck, if it's not why we're here, than what is the goddamned point of any of this?
Goddammit. My dad wasn't soft, he was an engineer and a man of his generation. And he was a good man, and I fucking miss him and wish I'd done better by him.