Are you growing? Are you trying? Are you failing anyway, but then trying again? Seems like all of those get a "yes," and honestly, that's all any of us can hope for - in ourselves or others. If we're being honest with ourselves, when we look into the mirror, we see both a good and a terrible person. I do, at least.
Your current situation is one of those challenging curveballs that life, other people, and society tend to throw our way. I've shared some of those with this group, some of them I've kept to myself (maybe I'll share them someday, maybe not, maybe some of them, I'm still in the midst of sorting out). But know that everyone has to deal with one or more of those over the course of their lives. I do think that so much of it comes back to empathy. That doesn't need to be a namby-pamby word, or a command to enable bad/harmful/self-harmful behavior, and figuring out where that line is can be a challenge. But making the effort to look at things through someone else's eyes pays huge dividends. That's true whether you are trying to be helpful and kind, or whether they are your adversary you're trying to defeat. Then the next level - at least in social and political things - is to realize that in the long run, "defeating" those you disagree with isn't a great outcome. It may have to be done in the moment, but ultimately.....
we're all in this together, and nobody makes it out alive. Or, as a pretty fair guitarist once said,
You see, we are here, as far as I can tell, to help each other – our brothers, our sisters, our friends, our enemies. That’s to help each other, not hurt each other.
You're trying. You love your kid. Your wife loves your kid. You and your wife love each other. Keep walking. Keep learning and reasoning. Do the best you can. And keep doing the best you can. Help other people along the way with what you've learned, good and bad. Try to be better every day. Know that most days, you won't get it right. And try again the next day. That's all any of us can do. And that's all any of us should expect.