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Longboard Horn

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Everything posted by Longboard Horn

  1. Now that we're on the official holiday drama thread, the classic story is here. God I can't believe it has been 19 years! Still funny. After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week. My wife told me about this thing at the beginning of December. To be honest I had forgotten all about it until the night before. I did not want to go. Call me a scrooge but riding around looking at electricity captured in colored bulbs is not my idea of entertainment. However, the kids were looking forward to it and apparently at some point I had agreed to do it. This little tour got us for 6 bucks a head. My wife, her parents, our 4 kids and I all went. Now I wasn’t a math major but that's $48 to ride around in a trolley and look at lights. WTF? (I found this out the day of) So we drive all the way the hell to downtown Waco and sit and wait for this trolley to take us on the tour. They’ve got a tree, Santa, hot cocoa- All that shit. Finally all the trolleys roll up and Shaquandra our official Christmas lights tour guide hops out and says “Y’all going to look at the lights?....(pause) Okay den let’s get our roll on!” My initial gripe is that the bitch is driving at mach speed and you can’t see shit but a blurry-ass Santa and the occasional Wal-Mart $9.99 wire light-up reindeer. My father-in-law asks if she could slow down a bit so that we could take pictures and appreciate the lights a little more..(his words not mine). By this time I’ve already leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear “$48 for this shit?” She gives me the obligatory elbow and “stop being like that” We roll along for about 15 minutes looking at every tacky piece of shit overkill light extravaganza in East Waco. Suddenly we get on the highway and start heading to the other side of town. We ride for a good 12-15 minutes without seeing a single damn house decorated. So I lean over to the wife again and say “umm where the hell are we going?” Elbow “shut up” and all that again. Shaquandra has Mariah Carey’s Christmas cd blasting and we just getting our roll on...and then it happened. Signs and streets started to look really familiar. My oldest daughter says “hey there’s HEB.” As in the HEB right down the road from our house (approx. 1/2 mile) I lean over to the wife again “This bitch better not turn right at this light!” What does the driver do????? That’s right folks, fucking turns right and heads right to our neighborhood. Not only our neighborhood “BUT OUR FUCKING STREET!! I am just at a loss for words by this point. I cannot believe this is happening. Street after street, house after house for a good 30 minutes. The driver is going on and on about “oooh like over thurr- look at the Santa up on the roof kids.” I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK" I can’t type this anymore it's just too painful. The point is, we spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood. My wife just hung her head in shame. I’ll be in charge of Christmas spirit next year thank you very much.
  2. I'll just pour some out for you now. Godspeed my friend.
  3. Gotta learn how to finish when they have a big lead and not let teams back into the game.
  4. Vandy’s season and playoff hopes
  5. Get fucked Diego Pavia. Go back to New Mexico you hack!
  6. Almost pissed it away. Gotta learn how to put teams away when up big
  7. Go back the the Big 12
  8. Shouldn’t have done a field goal attempt. I would’ve punted it and pinned em deep.
  9. Hopefully we get to see Matthew Caldwell play this quarter
  10. Even with the injuries it looks solid. Everyone is doing their job and things are clicking. Where was this team earlier in the season? Hell, where were they against Kentucky a couple weeks ago?
  11. Man where the fuck has this Archibald Manning been?! Throwing dimes!
  12. Arch has looked good today, but it’s still not over. Keep the foot on their necks
  13. Vandy is a playoff team my ass!
  14. Guess I'm going to a watch party in the morning. Fuck Disney and their corrupt ways.
  15. Time for Caldwell to shine and we fuck Vandy up. Fuck Pavia and all the hype. Playoff team my ass! Here's what Vandy is gonna feel like tomorrow afternoon. TEXAS!
  16. No no nononono noooo!
  17. What I mean is that it seems like even at 6–2, we’ve been written off for the season while people are saying Vanderbilt has a very high chance to make the playoff. They have a lot more on the line than we do.
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